Boxed In

Yesterday morning three men came to our house to pack all our stuff. Six hours later they left, and this is what my living room now looks like.



95 boxes of my-life goodness. That doesn't count the bathroom full of "essentials" that we're taking with us in the cars. Clearly, I have too much stuff.

This? This is just books.



The sad thing is that there are at least another dozen boxes exactly like these scattered throughout the condo. If I wasn't such a book whore (and J didn't have so many heavy medical-type books) the movers probably coulod have finished before noon.

At least the cats seemed to be enjoying themselves once we let them back in the main part of the condo last night.



Today the movers come back to put everything in their truck, and then we won't see it again until June 7. It's a little scary knowing that everything you own is being carted cross-country by strangers. The good news is that we're taking all the internet connection stuff with us in the car (since who can live without the INTERNET for a week? Not us!) so I should be back online by next Tuesday. In case I can't blog again until then, though, I hope you all have a wonderful week and I'll talk to you soon!

Congratulations Dr. J!!!

As of last Saturday, J is offically an MD! Our camera wasn't working during the ceremony for some reason, so I'll post some pictures when we get them from the family. The graduation was great, though, and seeing J get his hood and then take the oath of office again (in addition to being a doctor now, he's also a Captain) brought quite a few tears to my eyes. He's worked so hard for the last four years, and it's all been worth it.

Congratulations, sweetie!

Fish, and Turtles, and BATS, Oh My!

Yesterday we went up to Baltimore with the in-laws to visit the aquarium and tourist around the Inner Harbor. We had a great time, especially with the fish. I love fish. Rather, I love to look at fish. Swimming with them is an entirely different story, and one that usually involves me pantomiming how I once ran away from a pair of harmless parrot fish while snorkeling in Cancun.

But I digress. Yesterday's fish were in tanks.



Also in a tank was my favorite thing at Baltimore's aquarium. The giant sea turtle. It lives in a huge tank on the ground floor of the aquarium with a whole bunch of stingrays.



I love this turtle.

My second favorite part of the aquarium was the new Australia exhibit. The first thing we saw as we walked in were six or seven big bats, just hanging out around the ceiling.



BATS! Hanging from the ceiling! Right above our heads! It was cool. J's 11 year old nephew thought so too. Then these birds flew by and almost hit my sister-in-law.



It's practically like the outback, only indoors and with a higher concentration of animals. In any case, if you're in or near Baltimore and haven't' been to the aquarium in awhile, I highly recommend it.

Happy

We're getting another offer tonight. The couple seems nice and REASONABLE, and apparently are willing to close as soon as June 8. All of this is making me very happy tonight. Also making me happy is the pint of Haagen-Dazs Light Caramel Cone ice cream sitting on the table in front of me. And the week's worth of Daily Show episodes I have on my TiVo. And possibly the stuffed panda J bought me at the zoo yesterday.

It's been a good night.

Many Thanks

Many thanks to Miss Zoot for the lovely new template. I have a Mac, and my last template change looked like ass on Internet Explorer even though it looked great in Safari, so if you're looking at this on a PC and it doesn't look nice, let me know.

Status Report

Since there are so many crises happening in our lives right now, here's a rundown of today's headlines until I can find the time and energy to write a real post.

1) The contract--fallen through. Our buyers pulled out this morning, which apparently they could do because they didn't initial one thing on the contract. It may be a good thing since they were very high-maintenance and pains in the ass, but it's still upsetting. We have another couple who may make an offer coming over to see the condo for a second time tonight, and I've got my fingers and toes crossed that they want the place. This means that we can't make an offer on the house in our new city unless we get another contract in the next few days. Blech.

2) My dad--released from the hospital. He's doing better, still in a lot of pain and still not very mobile, but he's well enough to go "home" to his hotel room before they head up to DC on Thursday. We're getting him a wheelchair, and hopefully he'll be feeling well enough to go to the graduation on Saturday. The girl who hit him was supposed to be arraigned today on felony hit-and-run chages as well as reckless driving, and I can't wait to hear how that went. I still can't believe this happened to him, and still so glad that he's going to be okay.

3) The family--lots and lots of in-law drama. We're up, down, and all around with Juan's family this week. Too much to go into right now, but we're surviving.

4) The infertility--still out there. I'm now on cycle 14 since we started TTC, after getting a rather emphatic BFN last week. Haaaaaaate being infertile, especially around my pregnant SIL on Mother's Day.

Make your own fucking lemonade

My dad was hit by a car yesterday. He's been on a bicycle trip around the perimeter of the United States (this year's leg was supposed to be from the Florida Keys to Annapolis, MD) and got as far as Wimington, NC. Yesterday afternoon a 16-year-old girl hit him as she was turning into a shopping mall, and then took off when he went down.

The good news is that aside from a broken hip and a broken arm, he's okay. He was wearing a helmet, thank God, and there were over 20 witnesses to the accident including his cycling buddy. They've caught the girl--she was turned in by a kid who got arrested for underage drinking and gave the cops her address in exchange for some leniency--and are pressing charges. This could have been so.much.worse, and as angry as I am right now about a number of things, I have to keep that in mind.

He's going to try to walk tomorrow, and he and my mom are still planning to come to Juan's graduation next weekend. All I want to do right now is to give him a hug and reassure myself that he's really going to be okay.

Memo to God (if He exists): All these lemons you've been throwing my way for the last six months? You can have them back. I'm done making lemonade.

Under Contract

It's official, we're under contract! The buyers seem a little on the high-maintenance side, but we're just happy that they've commmitted to going through with this sale. We're not sure if we're going to get the house in our new city yet--our agent is checking with theirs to see if they'd be interested in another contingency contract from us, but I'm very hopeful.

T-minus 6 days and counting until J's graduation. T-minus 11 days until we move.

Nostalgia

Today is my last real day of work. It feels so weird to type that. Like I don't quite believe it myself. Yet, here I am, sitting in my almost empty office, working on a massive memo to my as-yet-unnamed replacement. It's a very, very weird feeling.

Have I mentioned before that today also happens to be the 3 year anniversary of the day I started this job? I don't think so. How coincidental is that? Three years EXACTLY since I walked in this office as a real employee for the first time. Back then I had a cube, an ancient computer, and a tiny little office plant my boss gave me as a welcome gift. Today I have an office, a slightly less ancient computer, and that tiny office plant has gotten HUGE. I've actually had to prune it a few times to keep it from taking over my desk.

So many things have changed in the last three years. J and I were engaged when I started here, and now we've been married for almost three years. We weren't homeowners yet, and I was still planning to go back to school to become a librarian after working here for a year (HA!). I spent most of the first summer I lived in Washington massively homesick for Salt Lake, and used to enviously look at women on the subway who had suitcases with them, wishing I was getting on an airplane too. Now I'm already feeling homesick for Washington, and I save my envious glaces for women who are obviously pregnant. Things certainly do change in three years.

And yet, so many things stay the same. I'll still be coming in Monday morning to orient a new intern, and I'll telecommute part time until they find a replacement. So I'm leaving, but not really.

Regardless, this is the end of an era. It's the end of my first honest-to-goodness adult job, and of some pretty amazing years of my life. It's also the start of a new chapter in my life, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Madcap Adventures in Real Estate

It's been an exciting 48 hours in the This Sorta Fairytale household.

First off, my going away party at work was yesterday. It was actually a lot of fun, even though most of my favorite people couldn't make it because they were at an out of town conference. Still, we had a blast (i.e. we got a little tipsy) and I got a pretty cake (decorated with candy rocks and cowboy boots) and some gorgeous crystal champagne flutes from Waterford. Why champagne flutes I have no idea, but they're very pretty and will collect dust very nicely in our new house.

Wait, did I say new house? Because if I said NEW house, that must mean something has happened with the old house, right?

Why yes, yes it has.

We got an offer this morning. We knew it was coming, but I didn't want to say anything before we were really and truly sure about it. Ironically, if I hadn't been running late coming home from work on Monday, we wouldn't have it at all.

Monday night was hellish. My boss called me in for a meeting right at 5:00 that lasted awhile, then I missed my train, then I hit every red light. I just wanted to get home already! When I pulled into the parking lot, though, I saw three people standing outside our building with papers in their hands. They were looking up at the "For Sale" sign on our building, and I figured that they were probably going around to all the units for sale in our neighborhood.

I jumped out of the car and asked if they were in the market for a home. They said yes (probably thinking I was some crazy person) and I asked if they wanted to see the unit in our building since I was the owner. They were pretty enthusiastic about it, so I let them in and J and I waited in the hallway while they looked around.

They looked and they looked and they looked. They probably spend 15 minutes in our teeny tiny condo. Most people go through it in under 5 minutes, so we knew they liked what they saw.

They came out, asked a few questions about the neighborhood, and then asked for the disclosures. We didn't have any, but told them that our agent would fax the forms to them ASAP. Then we ran inside and called our agent who practically had a coronary when we told her that we thought we had a buyer. She faxed the papers and then we waited.

Tuesday we got a call that they wanted to tour the condo again. Both J and I raced home to be there when they arrived, and again they spent a lot of time inside. Over 20 minutes. They came out, and the wife seemed anxious which made US anxious. We didn't hear from them again until Wednesday morning when they asked us to get a letter from the HOA about some repairs that are going to be made. Still no commitment to write a contract, though.

Finally, late last night we got word that the contract had been signed and that our agent had it in her hands. It's not a bad contract--we'll counter it because they want more than we want to give in terms of concessions--but we're pretty certain that these are our buyers. The final decision will be made on Sunday/Monday after our next open house.

Then, as if that wasn't good news enough, Juan got a call from our agent in our new city this afternoon. Remember the house we had a contract on there but lost because we couldn't waive the contingency? Well, it's back on the market! For some unknown reason, the sale fell through, and now they must be absolutely desperate for a buyer. We don't know why the sale didn't happen, and our agent is trying to find it out as I type, but there's a very good chance that we're going to get a second shot at our dream house!

I'm so excited I can barely see straight! Everything seems to be going our way today, and part of me is afraid to think about it because something bad could still happen. Still, it's been so long since I've been happy like this, I think I'm just going to bask in the knowledge that we WILL be okay, and that our luck is finally starting to change. It's a very good feeling.

Strange Things Found in My Office, or Why the $%#*& Did I Keep This?

I've now spent the last two days de-personal-item-izing my office. Since I just moved into this office from a cube down the hall 18 months ago, you wouldn't think that I'd have that much crap to deal with. You would be wrong. So far I have found:

-14 plastic straws from Subway (Why? I don't even use plastic straws)
-1 bobble-head doll of one of our former clients
-4 collectible pins from cities I've never visited
-Approximately 47,000 copies of a single issue of our in-house newspaper that contains one tiny story I wrote three years ago.
-NO copies of the issue of our in-house newspaper where I was the author of both front-page stories.
-3 glass vases
-1 knee-length cardigan minus its sash
-1 winter hat I thought I'd lost two years ago
-3 videos of news stories I never watched about a program I run (oops)
-7 bottles of lotion
-1 giant Super Bowl XL mug and t-shirt
-3 calendars from 2004
-$5 worth of pennies
-and a partridge in a pear tree

Tomorrow I'm going to tackle my e-mail inbox. 8,615 items of pure fun!

No news isn't good news

Two people came to see the house on Saturday, and no one stopped by on Sunday. Not a single solitary person. I'd feel pretty bad about that except that I know no one came to the open house at the unit just down the hall from us either. The market is just so damn slow right now.

So, we continue to wait. Moving day is in two and a half weeks, and we'll be discouraging potential buyers from walking through the place from the 21st to the 25th since the house will be full of boxes and packing materials those days.

I'm trying not to think about the fact that it's still on the market and we don't even have a good chance of getting an offer soon. I'm mostly successful during the day, but I've woken up at 3:00 or 4:00 in a cold sweat every morning for the last week, panicking about what we're going to do if it doesn't sell. Just typing this entry is making me anxious.

On the plus side, today marks the start of my last week of work! I've now gone to my last boring as dirt staff meeting, written my last legislative briefing memo, and cleaned out my desk drawers. Tomorrow I think I'm going to tackle my corkboard-o-crap.

Call me Weepy McWeeperson

Hoo boy, it's been quite a day.

In a nutshell, I'm now thinking that I won't do the IUI. More research on my part (specifically on taking Clomid when the doctor isn't monitoring you) as well as advice from friends who have been through infertility treatments has made me really question whether or not I want to trust this clinic with my reproductive health. To compound that doubt, I got a chance to talk to someone today who has done both IUI and IVF with that clinic and had only bad things to say about them.

So, it appears that my first negative impressions of the clinic may have been accurate ones.

I haven't made a final decision yet, and I've placed a call to the RE to discuss my concerns, but right now I'm leaning towards not doing the IUI and not taking the Clomid. I'm pretty upset about all of this, since I'd started to let myself hope that we would be able to do the IUI and it might (GASP!) work. Silly C, getting her hopes up.

Living with infertility has meant managing my emotions on a day-to-day basis. One day I'm happy and optimistic, and convinced that this WILL happen soon for us. The next I'm miserable and weepy and generally feel like everyone in the world is pregnant but me. And then there are the days when I'm neither optimistic nor pessimistic--my life is what it is, and I have to deal with it. I can't predict today what the next day will be like, and as someone who likes to know what the future has in store, this emotional unpredictability been frustrating and draining.

Lately I've had a lot of the good days, which has really surprised me since life in general is kind of falling apart right now. By good days I mean that I don't cry at work or glare at every pregnant woman I pass on the street. I can be around my friends who are pregnant on those good days, and even spend time on pregnancy-related websites and message boards without being a total bitch to the optimistic Cycle 1 ***BABY DUST*** ladies. I think most of the reason for this is that I have so many things to worry about at the moment (selling the condo, moving, my job, all the hoopla surrounding J's graduation) that infertility gets pushed to the back burner. While I wouldn't mind having fewer life-changing experinces all at once, I'm glad that all the craziness has distracted me from not being pregnant.

Today, however, was not a good day. I've cried at my desk twice, and didn't even shut the door. I completely ruined one of my favorite Ben Harper songs by looking up the lyrics online (I love the man, but he MUMBLES) and realizing that it perfectly describes what I expect to feel the first time I look into my baby's eyes. That alone set off a 15-minute crying jag.

I have some decisions to make. Both in terms of my treatment and in terms of my expectations for the next few months. Regardless of what I decide about the IUI, we won't do anything medical until at least this fall. Hell, we might not do much more for another year. I don't know. The bottom line is that I need to let myself be sad, but I also need to keep that spark of hope alive that I WILL be a mother someday, and I WILL NOT LET THIS BEAT ME. Those convictions are pretty much the only life raft I have to cling to, and dammnit I am not letting go.

More on being young and infertile

A friend brought this article from Slate.com to my attention today. Apparently yesterday was National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, and while teen pregnancy numbers are down, some researchers are now thinking that the cause may be less due to teen behavioral changes and more due to the decrease in both male and female fertility. It's an interesting and frightening read.

EDITED 8:30 PM

Thanks to Jamila for pointing out another article to me from this week's news about links between environmental toxins and infertility.

On Being Young and Infertile

Today was a pretty big day. I had my follow-up appointment with the RE to review the results of my tests and to talk about our options. The HSG and bloodwork looked good--everything is normal enough to theoretically work the way it's supposed to. The RE felt that further testing probably wouldn't tell us anything new, though it's something I may revisit in the future. That leaves us with getting treatment.

Because our move is coming up in less than 30 days we've decided to attempt an IUI cycle before we leave for our new city. Chances are about 50/50 that we'll be able to do it, what with all the moving logistics that will be happening right when the IUI will likely have to be performed, but I really want to do it if we can.

Oh, and we got one other thing out of today's meeting. I now offically carry the "unexplained infertility" diagnosis.

I'm 25 years old, and I'm infertile. At an age when most women are supposed to be able to get pregnant at the drop of a hat, my RE tells me that I have a 2-3% chance of getting pregnant every cycle. Normal, fertile women have between a 10-20% chance every cycle, depending on whose statistics you believe. Of course, when it comes to individual cases, statistics mostly become meaningless, but those are the only numbers we have.

It's a hard postion to be in. Not just because of the infertility, which has become a constant heartache, but also because I don't fit the expected mold of an infertile woman age-wise. It's not something that's ever bothered me until recently, and after today's appointment and other recent events, it's something I need to talk about.

In the last two weeks I've had two friends separately tell me that I should "just relax" about my infertility because I'm so young. The implication is that my infertility isn't a big deal because I'm only 25. These two women are close to the infertility community and I previously respected their opinons very much. I trusted both of them with my pain, and now feel like they've betrayed that trust.

When I first heard "just relax, you're so young", I didn't know how to respond. Almost a month ago, J and I decided to take a break from testing/treatments until after we were more settled in our new city. The decision was a personal one, based on factors that had nothing to do with age. It just felt like the right thing for us to do. That plan has changed a bit now, but this IUI is a one-shot deal. It will almost certainly be at least a year before we can attempt another IUI or IVF. If we get to that point, we will have been trying to have a baby for two years.

According to Resolve, the leading advocacy and lobbying organization for infertility, the fastest growing group of infertile women are under age 25. Environmental causes are suspected to be at fault.

I know I'm not the only young infertile woman out there. I also know that I'm not the only young infertile woman who feels like she isn't a "real" member of the infertility club because she's not backing up against advanced maternal age. The benefit to being young and infertile is obviously that I do, in theory, have more time to try to get pregnant before I hit menopause. I'm incredibly grateful for that time, especially since we'd like to have more than one child someday. Still, I am infertile, and that it hurts me just as much as it hurts someone who's 10 years older than I am.

I've read other blogs that talk about the crazy competitive nature of infertility. Women who have their diagnosis are "better" than those who are still just shy of one. Women who have started treatment are "better" than those who haven't. Women who've been thorough multiple cycles of IUI/IVF are "better" than those in their first cycle. Etc... It goes on and on. I freely admit to participating in this to some degree. I frequent a couple of pregnancy-related message boards where I've been known to give the "just relax" advice to women who haven't even been trying for 6 months. I'm "better" than they are because I know I'm infertile and have been through a year's worth of cycles that haven't resulted in a pregnancy to prove it.

Now there's another aspect to this crazy, nonsensical race to be "best". Age. Someone older than I am is "better" because of their age. Because they likely have less time than I do to get pregnant.

I don't know what the answer to all of this is. I can only hope that with the increasing numbers of young, infertile women like myself, people will start to realize that we hurt too. A lot. And all the "just relaxing" in the world isn't going to change that.

Good Things

This blog has officially become to whiney. There ARE good things happening in my life, as astonishing as it may seem if you come here very often. Here are just a few things I'm happy about.

1) My awesome mind/body fertility class--This class has really changed my outlook on both infertility and how I deal with everyday stress. I tend to automatically think worst case scenario whenever a roadblock pops up or something doesn't go the way I expected. Even just a few weeks of structured meditations and really thinking about my reactions have made a difference in how I handle stress.

2) My angel kitties--We had to board the cats while we were in our new city two weeks ago because we couldn't trust Arcadia not to pee on any of the furniture when we were both away for so long. Amazingly, not only did they do okay being boarded, but we've had no peeing incidents and no threatened peeing incidents since we brought them home, even when 12 strange people came to the house Saturday night.

3) Work--Even though I'm very glad to be finishing things up here at the office next Friday, there's a good chance that I'll be able to continue doing some contract work for the office after the move. This would be awesome for several reasons, mostly because of the money. Being employed from the get-go would be a very, very good thing.

4) Family--The in-laws start arriving next Saturday, and my parents will get here on the 19th. We're going to spend a lot of time touristing around and getting to visit, which I'm really looking forward to.

5) Snarkies--I cannot, CANNOT overemphasize how happy I am to have these women in my life. If nothing else, they're a constant source of support and humor in my day, and that means the world when nothing else is going the way I've planned.

We've officially lost the house

Very sad, even though it's what we've been expecting since Saturday. Also, spending half the night signing papers and making phone calls to cancel the sale hasn't been a picnic.

I think they should give you a lollipop when something like this happens. Everything else sucks, why not add a little candy into the equation to make things seem a little less bitter?

Weekend Roundup

The sellers of the home we want in our new city accepted a second offer on Saturday. This means that we have until COB tomorrow (Tuesday) to waive the contingency in our contract or we'll lose the house. Since we can't swing two mortgages, we're not going to waive the contingency unless we get an offer in the next 24 hours. Both J and I are bummed about it, but not devastated. I think we both knew there was a good chance this would happen, and no matter what we know that we'll eventually get into a great house down there. Probably not THIS great house, though.

In other news, I had a party with my DC friends over the weekend and had a ton of fun even though it was probably the last time I'll see some of them. We laughed, gossiped about girly stuff, and J came home just as we started talking about puberty. Good times. I'm going to miss them all very, very much, and I'm getting a little teary eyed just sitting here writing about them.

Coming up this week I have a follow-up appointment with the RE (my first since the HSG) to talk about next steps. Since they didn't find anything abnormal during the HSG, I'm not entirely sure where we'll go from here. There are more tests that they may want to run, but we don't have much time left here and I'm not entirely sure I want to continue with that clinic.

That's pretty much all that's happening at the moment. Just have to buckle down and push through these next two weeks of work before the family starts arriving for J's graduation.

Still in limbo

Too summarize:

-Still no word from our potential buyer.

-An offer has been made on the house we have a contract on in Texas, but the sellers haven't made a decision yet. Ironically, the people making the second offer want to close in just two weeks, which is too soon for the sellers, but they're worried that we'll have to close too late. HA!

-There's a teeny, tiny chance I might keep my job (at least part of it) after we move, but I won't know anything for awhile.

-I'm in the 2 week wait.

-And J is coming down with a cold.

So, long story short, nerves around here are a wee bit frayed at the moment. Something has to break soon--this limbo literally can't last forever--but I'm worried that it won't be something I'll like.

**And yes, I realize that my blog lately has turned into a neverending cycle of "I'm still not pregnant" and "We still haven't sold our condo" posts, but it's all I'm thinking about right now.

Distractions

I'll say one thing for being in real estate limbo--it's sure keeping my mind off not being pregnant!

Home (again)

The sellers accepted our offer!!! I can't believe it! J and I had pretty much talked ourselves into believing that they'd pass--we know they want to sell ASAP and our offer is contingent on the sale of our condo, but they ACCEPTED IT! Of course, they can still try to sell it to someone else, which I fully expect them to do, but if we can sell our place in the next two weeks, it's ours!

Part of me worries that I'm getting my hopes up too high--after all, we haven't had any offers in the last three months, chances aren't great that we'll get one in the next 14 days even with a dramatically reduced price--but it's hard not to get excited about possibly buying your dream house! We're meeting with our realtor here in Maryland tonight to do the paperwork on our price reduction and to talk about doing everything we can possibly do to get it sold.

In any case, crossed fingers and (dare I say it?) prayers would be much appreciated.

Home again

Success!!! Not only did we find an apartment in Texas, but we placed an offer on a house! It's perfect for us--three bedrooms, lots of living area, HUGE kitchen, and (best of all) a master bathroom that our realtor and I took to calling "the den of iniquity". Two words: whirlpool tub. Plus, the sellers are throwing in their pool table which pretty much sealed the deal for J.

The catch (and of course there's a catch) is that we had to place a contingency offer, and the sellers are apparently very anxious to get the house sold. We haven't heard back from them yet, but my fingers are crossed. We wouldn't be crushed if we didn't get the house, but it would be really disappointing.

In any case, we're sitting on pins and needles here and planning to get even more aggressive about selling our condo. We have a meeting with our realtor tomorrow night to talk about how we can get a buyer this week. Wish us luck!

Long Weekend

J and I leave tomorrow for 4 days of house hunting in Texas. I'm looking forward to the trip (and time away from the office) but a little sad about it too. Since we still haven't sold our condo, we also need to look at, and probably sign a lease for, a transitional apartment. We just can't afford two mortgages, and the market in DC is so iffy right now that we can't count on getting a contract in the next 30 days. In spite of this, we're still going to do some house-hunting, and if we find the right place we can always put a contingency contract on it.

It'll also be nice to get away from Washington for a few days, and focus on something other than the infertility testing. I'm having serious thoughts about not doing any more tests until after our move, and I think I need some distance from the situation before I make a decision one way or the other.

Creature Comforts

In 24 days I won't work here anymore.

I actually liked this job a lot when I started. The work was interesting, I was challenged, and it was a great opportunity for someone who was fresh out of college. The problem was that I wasn't really interested in doing political/nonprofit work, and eventually it stopped being fun. I first started threatening to quit about a year ago, and when friends and family suggested that I make good on my threats and find a new job, I backpedaled.

"We're leaving in just a year!" I said.

"I don't want to leave the company in a lurch!" I said.

What I really meant was that I was afraid to change jobs. Even though I wasn't really happy, I was comfortable and in my world being comfortable is very important.

So I stayed and kept complaining. I know everyone got really sick of me saying how much I hated my job, and looking back on it, I really should have left a year ago. Even though there have been good times in the last 12 months, I think I would have left here with a better attitude if I'd handed in my resignation back in early 2005.

Since my boss has started looking for a replacement for me though, I've realized just how proud I am of the work I've done here. Reviewing the job description my boss is currently sending out in the hopes of finding my replacement, I'm a little intimidated. I do all that? Really? Damn!

And honestly, even though I'm counting down the days until I get to say goodbye to this place for good, I'm starting to get sentimental about it. Who will help my coworker with computer problems after I'm gone? Will the fax machine around the corner ever get fixed? Who's going to finally figure out how to program the time on our microwave? And, more to the point, who will my friends go to lunch with when I'm gone? What jokes will they share that I won't be a part of? What crazy things will I miss when I'm not in D.C. anymore?

Because really, I won't miss this job. I'll miss the people, the camraderie, and the random every-day stuff that makes me smile. I'll miss feeling this comfortable in a place and with a group of people. I'm sure I'll feel this way again about a different place and a different group of people, but it'll take some time. Until then, I'm going to keep counting down the days until I leave, but also try to keep in mind that I'm counting down to saying goodbye to a lot of things that at the end of the day make me very happy.

Just Fine

I had my HSG today. They only do the test once a week, so every woman currently being evaluated for infertility in the clinic was right there with me in the clinic. We joked around a bit with some of the other couples there, and after marching us all over the hospital (it didn't seem like the new resident they had take us to Radiology really knew where it was) and a loooong wait they tood us back one by one to get the test.

It hurt. A lot. I won't get into the gory details, but when someone tries to dialate your cervix, it's nice to have them TELL YOU that's what they're doing.

Ow.

Anyway, the pain went away pretty quickly and then all there was to do was enjoy the show. I saw my uterus and fallopian tubes (perfectly fine and open, thank you very much!) and thoroughly enjoyed it when the radiologist yelled at the RE who was hurting me. WOO HOO for the Radiology department and BOOOOOO to the REs!

I'm at home resting now, and taking full advantage of my "invalid" status. Tomorrow I get to schedule my follow-up appointment, and I'm not quite sure where we'll go from there. We didn't see any abnormalaties today, which was the best possible outcome of the test, but we still don't have an expanation for why we're not pregnant yet or why I'm having some of these strange symptoms. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what they think I need to do.

Me and Matthew McConaughey

One year ago tomorrow J and I went to the movies. We bought tickets to "Sahara" at a local theater and then walked to a nearby drug store to buy some treats. In between the theater and the Junior Mints we made the final decision to start trying to have a baby.

I remember feeling so excited at the time. Like this was the beginning of a wonderful new chapter of our lives. J was starting his last year of medical school and ideally we wanted to have our first child before he graduated. I remember being elated at the thought that by this time next year we'd almost certainly either have a little baby or be pregnant.

Months went by and no BFP. One month I was out of town for work, then he was gone for two more months on rotations in Texas and Georgia. We kept trying, and I kept having some unusual physical symptoms that indicated things weren't completely normal. I charted, used ovulation predictors, and finally a fertility monitor. Nothing worked. Nine months after we started trying I hit a wall. January was a real milestone month for me--it was the first month when we could have had our baby, and we weren't even pregnant yet. I called my primary care doctor's office in tears asking for an infertility workup in February, and we're just now starting some serious diagnostic testing.

As anyone who's been reading this blog (or knows me in real life) knows, my moods have been all over the place lately. One day I'm fine, the next day I tear up at the slightest baby-related thing. Since we started trying several close friends have become pregnant, as have J's brother and his wife. Those announcements haven't been easy for me. Reminding myself that this WILL happen for us helps, but not all the time. For the first time in my life I'm struggling with depression. I'm working on it all the time, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

I've never hidden my struggles from anyone (except the people I work with). My parents and J's family are fully aware of our problems, and they've been nothing but supportive. My younger sister has learned about infertility testing, I've had long conversations with my mom about my bloodwork, and I've shared my frustrations and sadness with a small group of very close friends, many of whom also have experience with infertility. I can't imagine going through this alone, and looking back on the last year I think the best thing I ever did was to tell the people I loved what was happening to me.

For the last few weeks I've been aware that the 1-year anniversary of our decision was coming up. I stumbled across the "Sahara" movie ticket stub in my wallet recently and all the memories of that day came flooding back. I've mentally written this post a hundred times since then, thinking about what I'd say and why. I seriously considered not writing anything at all, afraid that it would just hurt more. Should I just ignore tomorrow completely? Pretend that I don't know what it is? I don't think so. Repressing my feelings isn't going to make them go away, and I'd rather continue to be honest with myself and with the people I care about. Tomorrow is going to hurt like hell. But tomorrow will end, and I'll head over to the hospital on Monday morning to continue the process of trying to figure out what's going wrong with us. Tuesday I'll head back to work, and life will go on.

Tonight J and I decided to go on a date. I needed to get out of the house, and we both wanted to see "Failure to Launch" which was still playing at our favorite theater. As we were sitting in the movie the supreme irony of our choice hit me. It appears that Matthew McConaughey movies have bookended the last year of my life. I'm choosing to look on it as a good sign--that the hope I felt this time last year wasn't misplaced and that by next April we'll be welcoming a new baby into our lives.

Peace

And so begins cycle 12. We've now been trying to have a baby for an entire year.

I'm going to have more to say on this over the weekend, a post that's been percolating in my brain for awhile now, actually, but not today. Today I scheduled my HSG (Monday) and accupuncture (immediately before the HSG) to help me be as relaxed as possible.

While there's a part of me that's very upset that I have to have the test (which can be pretty painful), there's another, stronger part that's looking forward to it. Not only might we get some answers about what's wrong, but the HSG itself actually can improve fertility for up to three months after it's performed because, well, it sort of flushes everything out. Think of it as a power washing for your fallopian tubes.

I'm feeling oddly relaxed right now. Not counting the gigantic freakout I had this morning because we still don't have a contract on our condo and our house-hunting trip is in just a week, emotionally I'm doing better than expected. Part of that I attribute to the fact that I got off work early today and don't have to go back until Tuesday, and part of that is definitely due to the mind/body fertility class I'm taking. It's amazing how much I've already learned about how to calm myself down and de-stress in situations that would normally send me over the edge. Whatever else happens in the next month, I'm very, very glad I decided to take the class. I wouldn't be feeling this peaceful about everything I have going on right now without it.

BFN

Negative HPT this morning, and I'm pretty sure it's going to stay that way. So, I'll be going in for some blood tests (to rule out egg problems) on Saturday and my HSG will be Monday.

I'm surprised by how okay with this I am. I think I stopped really hoping on Monday, so the negative test result this morning just confirmed what I already believed.

Sludge

I've written a couple posts now and just deleted them because they sounded either

A: bratty or
B: batshit crazy

I've also spent almost all day staring at my computer, barely able to type a coherent sentence (case in point: this post) because my brain just doesn't want to work. It feels all I have between my ears is sludge. Slow sludge that can't type. Naturally today is a day where there's a lot going on at work that requires me to not be a drooling idiot, so I've had to suck it up and force the sludge to THINK. The sludge isn't very happy about this state of affairs.

In any case, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who left supportive comments below. It really means a lot to me.

Limbo

So, I think I might be pregnant. Might, as in there's some evidence that I have slightly more than a snowball's chance in hell this month. Of course, I got all excited about it late last week, got my hopes up, and then had a bit of a setback (in the form of symptoms showing up that have always indicated before that I'm emphatically not pregnant) on Saturday morning. What I do know is that things are different this month, and my usual symptoms aren't acting like they normally do.

Of course, I'm probably not pregnant, but right now I just want to KNOW. Will I need to go in for bloodwork this weekend and an HSG on Monday or will I be calling my lovely PCP (not the rat-faced-bitch who saw me last week) to tell her the good news?

There's nothing to do now except wait it out. I figure that I'll know one way or another by Wednesday, and hopefully I won't completely lose it if I'm not pregnant. It probably doesn't help that the 1-year anniversary of when we started TTC is this Sunday. In any case, I could use some good thoughts from all of you this week.

You know what's nice?

Spending the day "working" (responding to e-mails and voicemail) in my PJs while watching TV from a super-comfortable hotel bed. Friday rocked. Well, except for the part when I didn't rent a car (stupid) and the only food within walking distance was Wendy's. And then when the hotel decided not to have room service on Friday nights and I had to order enough food to feed the entire state of Connecticut just so the one Chinese restaurant in the area would deliver.

But other than that, it was a nice day.

I flew home yesterday and I'm not exactly looking forward to dealing with all the things that are left over from last week. Then again, I only have 33 days left until I'm done with work and the graduation festivities begin!

Item X

Apparently I need to write cryptic posts more often! I had y'all chomping at the bit!

To recap, when we last left our heroine she was in California, preparing to go to an event, and kept getting paranoid and checking her purse to make sure the mysterious Item X was still in it.

YESTERDAY

1:47 PM: Finish mysterious entry, get ready for event
2:00 PM: Realize hair looks like ass, attempt to fix
2:10 PM: Decide that hair will just have to cope with looking like ass, start transferring hotel key, cash, and Item X from big, casual tote to small, professional handbag.
2:11 PM: Shit. Item X does not fit in small, professional handbag.
2:15 PM: Item X REALLY does not fit into small, professional handbag, and is now slightly crumpled after trying to make it fit.
2:17 PM: Why the hell don't they put pockets on the inside of womens' blazers? Aside from the obvious reason, because I could really use one right now.
2:20 PM: A-HA! There IS a pocket on the inside of the raincoat. Put Item X in raincoat pocket, leave hotel room
2:30 PM: Hotel staff moving very slowly to get shuttle van, and raincoat is really too hot to be wearing outside
2:31 PM: Get paranoid, pat self lightly on chest to make sure Item X is still in pocket
2:32 PM: Realize that it looks like I'm doing something rather inappropriate to myself when I check for Item X. Don't really care, since paranoia must be satisfied.
2:40 PM: Arrive at event location
2:41 PM: Get paranoid, pat self lightly on chest to make sure Item X is still in pocket
2:42 PM: Realize that people I have to work with are looking at me funny, take Item X out of pocket, ditch coat on chair
3:40 PM: Program finally gets started
3:45 PM: Shit. Do I have to speak?
3:50 PM: Yes, apparently I do
3:55 PM: I ROCK at public speaking! Forgot how satisfying it is to have an audience eating out of the palm of my hand.
3:56 PM: Official presentation of Item X to local elected official
3:57 PM: Local elected official shows audience what Item X is--it's a check for $15,000!
4:00 PM: Pose for many, many pictures with other important local people and the check
4:15 PM: Get interviewed by local cable station about the check
4:20 PM: Realize that the check is no longer my responsibility, paranoia ends
4:30 PM: I'm really tired
4:55 PM: Really, really tired
5:20 PM: I've been awake for...good grief, like 17 hours!
5:40 PM: Don't these people ever stop talking?
6:30 PM: Still tired, want to leave, but people keep talking to me.
7:00 PM: Thank goodness, colleague realizes that I'm about ready to pass out, drives me back to my hotel
7:20 PM: Get back to hotel room, kick off shoes
7:22 PM: Check e-mail
7:23 PM: Check Snark
7:24 PM: Check blog
7:25 PM: Holy crap! Clearly a lot of people want to know what Item X was!
7:26 PM: Order room service
8:00 PM: Finish room service, feel like a pig
8:05 PM: Crawl into bed. Have been awake total of 20 hours.
8:06 PM: Fall asleep

The check was a grant I was giving on behalf of our organization. I NEVER want to carry that much money around with me again! I spent two whole days completely paranoid about what would happen if the evelope slipped out of my purse, or if someone stole it.

The good news is that the event went well, I was a hit, and I even got a job offer if I should ever move back to DC. I'd never take it in a million years because I couldn't stand to work with the people who made the offer, but it's always nice to be wanted.

Next up: Spending the entire day in my pajamas while taking questions from MORE people who want $15,000 checks from us.

California Girl

LAST NIGHT

9:00 PM: I get out of class, start the 20 mile drive home with J
9:05 PM: Feel paranoid, check purse
9:06 PM: Item X is still in purse, breathe a sigh of relief
9:30 PM: We both realize we haven't eaten since noon, and we're starving
9:31 PM: We decide that all food at home sucks, and we need to get takeout
9:45 PM: All our favorite takeout places closed at 9:00. I pout.
10:00 PM: We roll up to Wendy's drive through
10:30 PM: After gorging myself on a burger, fries, and a Frosty, I realize that A: I haven't packed yet, and B: I have to get up at 3:00 in the morning to make my flight.
11:00 PM: Finish packing, try to keep Arcadia from seeing my suitcases so she doesn't flip out and pee on the couch again.
11:05 PM: Feel paranoid, check purse
11:06 PM: Item X is still in purse, breathe a sigh of relief.
11:30 PM: Finally get into bed, fall asleep

THIS MORNING

3:00 AM: Alarm goes off
3:01 AM: Hit snooze on alarm
3:09 AM: Alarm goes off
3:10 AM: Hit snooze on alarm again
3:19 AM: Alarm goes off, J starts groaning that it's too early to wake up, and I crawl out of bed
3:30 AM: J finishes getting ready, I'm still drying my hair.
3:31 AM: J curls up on the futon for a little nap before we leave
3:50 AM: I have to wake J up because he really did fall asleep. This doesn't bode well for the 2-hour round trip drive he's making to the airport.
3:51 AM: Feel paranoid, check purse
3:52 AM: Item X is still in purse, breathe sigh of relief
3:55 AM: J keeps Arcadia in the other room so she can't see me wheel my suitcase to the door. I do NOT want to come home to a pee couch.
4:00 AM: We hit the road.
4:30 AM: Gee, that Wendy's from last night really isn't sitting well. Swear off Wendy's for at least another year.
5:00 AM: Arrive at airport, kiss goodbye, and I remind J not to fall asleep at the wheel. He agrees, but his eyes are kind of glazed over.
5:05 AM: Feel paranoid, check purse
5:06 AM: Item X is still in purse, breathe sigh of relief
5:30 AM: Get through security, see that only place with food in the entire terminal is a Dunkin' Donuts with a 50-person deep line.
5:31 AM: Get in Dunkin' Donuts line with the rest of the tired, tired people who are on my flight
5:59 AM: Finally get my donuts and make it to the gate just in time to hear my row being called
6:05 AM: Shit, I'm in a middle seat.
6:15 AM: Double shit, the guy next to me wants to be chatty. I CANNOT MAKE SMALL TALK ON LESS THAN FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP, BUDDY.
6:20 AM: Takeoff
6:25 AM: Feel paranoid, check purse
6:36 AM: Item X is still in purse, breathe sigh of relief
6:45 AM: I stick my iPod earbuds in my ears in a desperate attempt to let the guy next to me know that I'm not in the mood for conversation with a stranger.
6:50 AM: Hmmm... Seems to be working
7:00 AM: Even though JetBlue is awesome and has DirectTV on all its flights, there's still nothing to watch
7:05 AM: Start reading new book
7:10 AM: Feel paranoid, check purse
7:11 AM: Item X is still in purse, breathe sigh of relief
9:15 AM: Finish new book. Two hours of entertainment for $17. Not worth it, IMHO.
6:20 AM: Realize that I should set my watch back three hours to account for the time zone change, and actually groan when I realize we're only halfway through the flight.
6:25 AM: Feel paranoid, check purse
6:26 AM: Item X is still in purse, breathe sigh of relief
8:45 AM: Guy next to me decides to be chatty again (even though I'm clearly listening to music) and then tries to sell me a used car. Turns out he works for a dealership and can get me a "killer deal" on a used Mitsubishi. Thanks, but no thanks.
9:00 AM: Land in Oakland. Thank God!
10:00 AM: Arrive at hotel
10:05 AM: Feel paranoid, check purse
10:06 AM: Item X is still in purse, breathe sigh of relief
11:30 AM: Starving, go in search of food and discover that there aren't any places within walking distance of my hotel except (wait for it) Wendy's. Curse luck.
11:45 AM: Hotel has shuttle! Go to Sports Bar and feel like an idiot for sitting alone with a book while other people are having parties and business lunches.
12:15 PM: Get back to hotel, start this entry
1:45 PM: Still working on this damn entry, and getting sleepy
1:46 PM: Feel paranoid, check purse
1:47 PM: Item X is still in purse, breathe sigh of relief.

That's been my day so far. This entry is To Be Continued tomorrow, when you can read all about my exciting night with local elected officials, what the hell "Item X" is, and why I've been so paranoid about it for the last 48 hours.

The good news is that they want to shoot dye up my tubes

My RE appointment this morning didn't exactly go well. We got there plenty early, and discovered that we had to go to the OB/GYN clinic. That's right, they put the infertile people in with all the happy pregnant women.

I kind of broke down at that point because really, that's just cruel. But there wasn't anything else to do except walk in, and try to sit facing a wall so I didn't see any of the other patients.

After about 45 minutes of waiting, I went over to the desk to ask them how late our doctor was running. While I was over there, she walked into the room and called out my name. When I said "Here" and motioned to J to get my coat, she asked me if I was going somewhere. I explained that I'd been asking how late the clinic was running this morning, and she LECTURED me about how doctors sometimes run late.

Right then I decided that I didn't like this woman.

We went back to her office, and she proceeded to spend the entire visit talking to J, hardly looking at me at all. When I brought up our move, she accused me of being "tense" and told me to put my charts away (which I had brought in case she wanted to see them, and were just folded on my lap) because I was stressing myself out and "stress can hurt fertility." She also told me that I need to exercise more, and should try yoga "or something" to help with stress. I couldn't get a word in edgewise to tell her that I'm actually taking a class right now to help with stress.

She never asked me how I was doing. Never asked what I do for a living, where I'm from, or anything personal. She did ask J what he's studying, whether he's looking forward to moving to Texas, and whether he wants to move to Hawaii someday. She also went on and on and ON about her kids, which shocked me. It seemed like she was missing the "caring and compassionate" gene or something.

In the end, she ordered some bloodwork and an HSG. She told me that with my spotting it's possible that there's a uterine defect or polyps, and that an HSG should show that.

After we left the clinic I was a mess. I couldn't believe the shitty way she'd treated me. I've never felt so thoroughly ignored and dismissed by a doctor who was treating me. When I told Juan that he mentioned that she actually wasn't a doctor. He saw her name badge and she's actually a Nurse Practitioner.

That's when I got really mad. When I called for the appointment they called her DOCTOR, and she didn't correct me when I called her Doctor in the appointment. I still can't believe it. My "RE" appointment wasn't with an RE.

J has his follow-up urology appointment tomorrow morning, and he's going to stop by the clinic and ask to speak to the director about her behavior. Not only was she incredibly rude to me, but she misrepresented what she was. That's wrong on so many levels. Needless to say, I will not, under any circumstances, be seeing her again. After the HSG J will try to pull some strings to get me seen by an actual RE.

Couple of things

1) I got sick of my old template, so here's the new look of my blog. Yay!

2) My RE appointment is tomorrow morning. After looking forward to it for almost a month, I'm suddenly really, really nervous.

I am such a PITA

Last night I was brushing my teeth, thinking about what I had to do at work the next day, when suddenly I felt a surge of PANIC! I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that our condo hasn't sold yet, our agent is going on vacation for two weeks, and only three people have come through since we dropped the price last week.

PANIC!

Instead of trying to calm myself down, though, I stormed into the study, started ranting at J (who had no idea what was going on) and then stormed back into the living room to call our agent (at 11:00 at night) to brainstorm ways to get more people viewing our place. Thankfully for her, she wasn't near the phone when I called.

Our agent called both me and J this morning, and really reassured me that we're doing a lot to get people in the door. We've just added an agent's incentive (cash the buyer's agent gets at closing) which should increase our foot traffic. We've also sent out flyers and e-mails to every agent who's shown the place since January, and we still have the guy who almost placed an offer back in January hanging out there. He doesn't know what he wants to do yet, but our agent is still talking to his.

I have no idea why I suddenly went into crisis mode last night. We'd like to get a contract before our house-hunting trip to Texas later this month, but it's not necessary. IF we find a house we want to buy, we can always place an offer that's contingent on our selling the condo. We're the lowest-priced unit in our neighborhood, and while the DC-metro market is slow right now, I know that we'll find a buyer. The market in our new town isn't very hot at the moment, so it's unlikely that we'd have a house bought out from under us, and even if we did it wouldn't be the end of the world.

In any case, I'm feeling better about things this morning, and hopefully I don't have any more freakouts like that for awhile.

Cherry Blossom Day

Peak cherry blossoms at the Tidal Basin this weekend.



Juan attended the festival under protest.



My attempt at "artistic" photography while being hustled along by the thousands of tourists behind us on the sidewalk.


All in all, a perfect day.

Finally!

Spring has sprung! It feels like it's taken ages to come this year, but we've finally hit 70+ degree days, and the cherry blossoms are at peak. WOO HOO!

J and I are planning (well, I'm planning and J will be coming along for the ride and the margaritas) to go down to the Tidal Basin tomorrow to see the blossoms for the last time, and then we'll head up to the Cactus Cantina, one of my favorite DC restaurants, for dinner and drinks. I can't wait!

In other news, I think my subconscious is telling me that I need a break. I had a dream last night about going to the Burger King near my office (where I've never eaten) and getting into a fight with the cashier when she tried to charge me $42 for my hamburger. In the end, I also screamed at her manager for not taking me seriously when I complained.

I'm dreaming about verbally bitchslapping someone. Either I need a vacation or it's just been too long since I've made a really satisfying consumer complaint.

Being right

Class last night was awesome. There were seven of us plus our instructor, and while the primary focus of the session was to introduce us to some meditation techniques and talk about the overall goals of the series, one thing our instructor said really resonated with me. "There is more right with you than there is wrong with you."

One of the most startling things about the last 11 months has been coming to hate parts of my body. I've never been too concerned with my weight (I'm not exactly physically fit, but I consider myself to be on the slim side), and the only thing I've ever really wanted to change about how I look is my skin. I have terrible skin. But since we started TTC, and since we realized that hey, this isn't as easy for us as it is for most people, I've started hating my reproductive organs. I tell J sometimes that I'd like to beat up my ovaries, or give my uterus a good kick in the rear. Mostly it's in jest, but there's more than just a hint of seriousness too.

Last night, when my instructor made a point of emphasizing that for the most part our bodies are RIGHT, it hit a nerve, and I haven't been able to get that sentence out of my head since. I even wrote it on a sticky note and put it above my computer monitor. If nothing else, it's making me feel better today, and on some level that's all I can really control.

Personal Achievements

After all of yesterday's controversy (my stats went through the ROOF! Clearly I need to post controversial things more often) I decided that I really had to do some actual work at the office today. And what a day it was! Out of the three big projects I've had looming over my head all month, I finished two today, and will complete the third tomorrow.

Say it with me people, WOO-freaking-HOO!!! It felt so good to hit that "Send" button and cross them off my To Do list. Next up: getting on my boss's case to find my replacement, since there's no way I want to be in the office after my scheduled quit date of May 12.

In other news, I'm accomplishing a more personal goal tonight--getting some help for my not-pregnant-yet-blues. A good friend recommended a mind-body fertility class she attended while TTC, and I decided to sign up. The first session is tonight, and as usual, I have no idea what to wear. I decided that you really can't go wrong with nice yoga pants and a knit top.

Unfortunately, class tonight will keep me from obsessively checking what people are willing to pay in the final hours and minutes of my latest eBay auction. I listed a bunch of old crap last week, and much to my surprise people actually wanted most of it. Who knew that you could sell Bath and Body Works shower gel (unopened, of course) for $6.00 on eBay? Now that this experiement has proved to be so successful, I think it's time to take a serious look at some of J's random boxes-o-computer cords.

5 Things I Really Don't Love About Utah

I've hesitated a bit about writing this entry because it's impossible to talk about the things I really don't like about my home state without getting political and risk offending some very dear friends. That said, I've decided to write it because it's important to me.

So, what's not to like about Salt Lake? Quite a few things, actually.

Reason 1: The Politics

I could probably write a Top 10 list just about Utah politics, but I won't. I'm a liberal Democrat, Utah is a very conservative Republican state. Naturally I disagree with a lot of positions local politicans take. That's not the biggest problem I have with Utah's political climate, though. My biggest problem is one a lot of people in many states face: the majority party does everything in its power to crush the opinions of the minority party. In Utah's case, that includes gerrymandering the 2nd Congressional District to within an inch of its life, just to unseat Democrat Jim Matheson for no other reason than that he decided to run with a D next to his name rather than an R.

I may be a Democrat, but I strongly believe that our government works best when ALL sides of an argument can be heard. No one party can lay claim to all the solutions to our country's (or our state's) problems. Crushing a minority opinion doesn't just mean that you don't hear the things you don't like, it means that you CAN'T hear good ideas you hadn't thought of before.

Reason 2: Rude People

This reason actually has just as much to do with Utah as it does with rude people outside the state. Whenever people ask me where I'm from, I hesitate for a moment before saying, "Salt Lake City". Mostly this is because I know that inevitably the next question they ask will be "Are you Mormon?" In one way I can understand why people ask, since most Utahns are Mormon and it's considered an "unusual" religion by much of the world, but I still think it's a pretty invasive and personal thing to ask. I'd never ask what someone's religion is because it's one of those questions that's Not Very Polite To Ask a Total Stranger.

A girl I know here in DC (who is Mormon) is routinely asked by people "How many moms do you have?" and once even, "Where are your horns?" Why? Why would someone think those questions are appropriate?

Of course, that's not to say that people in Utah aren't sometimes rude about religion too. There, it's almost understood that if you're clean-cut and friendly, you must be Mormon. The question of whether you "are" or whether you "aren't" becomes part of your identity because every.single.person seems to think that categorizing people according to their membership in one particular church is okay.

Reason 3: The Snow

I'm not a snow person. I don't like to ski, snowboard, or do anything that involves strapping things onto my feet and heading down a hill when there's snow outside. In spite of the kickass ski resorts just 30 minutes from where I grew up, my favorite winter activity to do in Utah remains curling up in front of the fire with a good book and a hot drink. Give me sun, not snow.

Reason 4: High School

Most people who grow up in Utah stay there. Out of my high school graduating class, maybe 20% went to college out of state, and I'd guess that about the same number have permanantly moved away. Thus, it's almost impossible not to run into people I went to high school with at the grocery store, the mall, or a restaurant. Frankly, high school was fun, and I still keep in touch with some of my high school friends, but mostly I'd rather not see the majority of my former classmates on a daily basis.

Reason 5: The Politics Part II

I really can't stress enough how much I dislike local politics in Utah. For everything there is to love about the state, you see stories about how local movie theater/car dealership/Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller pulled the plug on showings of "Brokeback Mountain" hours before they were scheduled to begin at one of his theaters because someone told him that it was about two gay men.

There's also this story that ran on the front page of the Washington Post the morning before President Bush's State of the Union address. It was about Randolph, a small town in Northern Utah where 95% of the city voted for Bush, but virtually no one planned to listen to his plan for the country that evening.

Or this story which ran in the Salt Lake Tribune the week I was in town. The mayor of Kanab (pronounce Kah-nab) Utah attacked a 17 year old high school student for criticizing a controversial city resolution on "natural" families. The mayor even went so far as to write letters of complaint to the boy's church leader and his high school's superintendant.

If nothing else, these stories (and I really could go on and on with more of them, but you get the idea) make Utah look like the backwards state many people think it is. Utah is growing and changing, but the above examples only serve to remind me of why I never really want to move back there.

Okay, that's it for me and politics for now. Next up: T-minus 8 days and counting until my first RE appointment. Will I go completely insane waiting for the next week to pass? Stay tuned.

Unexpected delays

This weekend isn't exactly turning out the way I'd planned. My uncle and cousin were supposed to arrive today from Colorado for a week of touristing around the DC area. They planned the trip months ago, and were really looking forward to it. Apparently something got screwed up with their tickets though, because when they showed up to the airport this morning the airline had no record of their reservation.

Oops.

So, they tried to rebook for a flight later today. No can do. It's spring break, so everyone and their dog is trying to fly this weekend. The first flight they could get won't land until midnight Sunday night, which means that Juan and I won't get to spend much time at all with them since we have to work all week. I'm bummed, and I know they are too. Hopefully they're able to get standby seats on an earlier flight tomorrow and we can still salvage some of the weekend.

EDITED 3/26:

They made it on an earlier flight! Arriving around 2:00 this afternoon, which will give us a nice chance tonight to visit and plan how they're getting downtown tomorrow. Yay!

Much Improved

Last night definitely made up for my crappy, crappy day.

After posting on my blog, I got a flood of e-mails and phone calls from friends and family wishing me a happier birthday. It meant a lot. After we got home, J volunteered to take me to dinner anywhere I wanted even though we hadn't really planned to go out until Friday, and we ended up getting takeout from one of my favorite places. Then we hung out at home, watched "Monk", and went to bed. After the day I had, it was exactly what I needed.

Sometimes I think that I take J for granted. I know that he doesn't fully understand why I'm feeling the way I am, but he tries. I'm not the easiest person to live with these days, and in spite of that he does his best to keep me happy. Right now, keeping me happy is a really tough job. Some days (like yesterday) are bad, others (like today seems to be) are better. Hopefully the good days will continue to outnumber the bad ones.

Still coming: the political Utah post. I'm working on it, but it's proving to be harder than I thought.

In which I feel monumentally sorry for myself

Today is my 25th birthday. Happy quarter-century to me. Unfortunately, this is turning out to be one of my crappier birthdays, in spite of a boatload of cheerleading I did for myself yesterday about not getting upset and not being sad on my favorite day of the year. I love my birthday--it's the one day of the year that's all mine--and for a variety of reasons, this one is just sucking.

Maybe it's because all of the celebratory things like getting my presents and having a cake have already happened. Maybe it's because a lot of friends and family members who usually send cards haven't, and I'm feeling neglected. And maybe it's because I've gone a week without crying about not being pregnant, and all those tears just needed to come out. I don't know. But whatever it is, it's turned my birthday into one big suck-fest.

10 Things I Love about Utah

I love being from Salt Lake City. I love the mountains, love the local culture (Utahns have the best sense of humor about our peculiar state), and love the people. When you walk down the street, people smile and say hello, even if they don't know who you are. There's a big emphasis on family togetherness, and while the city is growing (the metro area population is nearing 2 million) it still feels like a small town.

I've lived in the DC area for almost three years now, and I know that I'll never move back to Salt Lake, but in a lot of ways it will always feel like home. These are some of the reasons why:

Reason 1: My Family

I have an awesome family. I can't really describe them in any other way. I'm very close to my parents (they even read this blog) and feel like I can really tell them anything. No matter what, they'll always support me in whatever way they can.


This is me with my mom and my sister because my dad didn't come to lunch with us. His bike ride was clearly much more important than spending time with his favorite daughter. :-P

Like I said, my parents are always there for me, acting in my best interest. Except when it comes to fries, because they'll both unabashedly steal them from me the second my back is turned.



My sister is really cool too. We've both done a lot of growing up in the last couple of years, and we can finally relate to each other as friends rather than just as siblings who don't especially get along.



Reason 2: My Friends

Marcie, Michele, and I have been friends for almost a decade. We went to high school and college together, met and married our husbands at around the same time, and basically have stayed just as close as we were back in high school even though we don't see each other very often anymore.



How could I not stay in touch with these girls? They're so pretty!

Reason 3: The Mountains

Will you look at these things? They're amazing! I think it took moving to an area with no mountains to speak of (Sugar Loaf Bump doesn't count) to make me appreciate how spectacular the Wasatch mountains really are.




Reason 4: My Cat

This is Checkers, who may not be very photogenic, but has been our family's cat for 14 years. She's a little slower now than she used to be, but still comes running when she hears the plastic bag of cat treats opening. She's one of the first pets I ever had, and it always kills me to leave her when I have to go home.



Reason 5: The City

Salt Lake consists of a very small downtown area and sprawling suburbs. When I was growing up, downtown wasn't a very cool place. There was a mall, the Temple, some hotels, and office buildings. Very little in the way of public art or "street culture" that can make a downtown area feel more hip. All that has started to change in the last few years, though.


Cool artistic windmill thingys near the Salt Palace


Kids playing in the in-ground fountain at the Gateway--note the 2002 Olympic Winter logo

Getting the 2002 Olympics was huge for Salt Lake. Not only was it an event that would turn the world's attention to our little city, but it was an opportuinty to make the area (especially downtown) more appealing to visitors. Today, over two years after the Games ended, you can still see the huge impact the Olympics had on the city. We have a new lightrail system, new public art, a citizenry that has now seen what a difference some investment in the downtown area can make, and even relaxed liquor laws. Wine lists are now routinely given to customers when they sit down at restaurants! Amazing! Radical! Plus, the metro population increase has drawn a lot of new developers and retailers to Salt Lake.



This is a trendy new condo building on the West side of town that wouldn't ever, under any circumstances have been built there 5 years ago. These days parts of Salt Lake could be mistaken for Portland or Seattle (or even Washington, DC) if you didn't know where you were. The city is growing and changing, and it's a wonderful thing.

Reason 6: Salt Lakers

As I mentioned before, the people in Utah are terrific. They're so FRIENDLY! It always strikes me how abrupt and rushed people on the East Coast are after I've been back to Salt Lake for a visit, because the contrast is so striking.

Reason 7: HOME

I don't like change very much. I've written before about how I'm a bit of a stick-in-the-mud and dislike trying new things even though they might be good for me. That said, I'm so happy I can go back to the house where I grew up, sleep in my old room (even though it's been painted pink and filled with different furniture), and eat dinner at the same dining room table where I worked on junior high science projects and celebrated holidays for over 20 years. There's something indescribably comforting about knowing that my house is waiting for me anytime I come back to visit.

Reason 8: Green Jell-O

According to some statistic someone once calculated, Utahns consume more green Jell-O per capita than any other state in the nation. We're obsessed with it. What other state has an official flavor of Jell-O?

Reason 9: More Mountains

I just have to bring this up again, LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINS, PEOPLE!!!



Reason 10: Fry Sauce

Admit it, you've been reading this entire entry just to see when I'll get to the damn fry sauce already.



Utahns take fry sauce very seriously. Depending on where you go, fry sauce is a mixture of ketchup, mayonaise, pickle juice, barbeque sauce, and Thousand Island salad dressing. Every burger joint in the state carries it, even McDonalds. My favorite place for fry sauce is a burger joint called Shivers, but it was closed so we went to Crown Burger instead.

Where else can you get a really good burger with fries and a drink for only $6.00 and be surrounded by statues and tapestries?



Let's face it, Salt Lake is kewl.

Tomorrow: 10 Things I Really Don't Love about Utah, or This Sorta Fairytale Gets Political.

Update on my brother-in-law: He came out of sugery yesterday morning, and though he'll probably be in the hospital until Friday or Saturday, he's doing very well. Thanks for the kind thoughts!

I'm back!

The trip was wonderful. I hung out with my parents and sister, spent an evening with two of my best friends, and just RELAXED. I almost didn't want to come home.

We did get one piece of bad news while I was visiting. My brother-in-law, who's had one collapsed lung before, found out that he has to have surgery tomorrow to repair another hole in his lung. It's for the best, and it'll keep him healthy in the future, but it's still upsetting and I wish I could have stayed an extra couple of days to be with him and my sister. Any good wishes sent his way on Tuesday would be much appreciated.

Tomorrow: Salt Lake City: The Photo Essay, or, A Study in Fry Sauce

I'm lea-ving on a jet plane!

By this time tomorrow I'll be in Salt Lake City, chilling with my parents and sister, and RELAXING! I can't wait. Plans for my 5-day stay include: shopping with my mom and sister, a girls night with two of my best friends, eating a burger and fries (with fry sauce!) at my favorite hamburger joint, and test driving my parents new Prius.

Come on, who wouldn't want to visit this place?


photo from the University of Utah




photos from www.saltlakecityutah.org

Feeling much better this morning

J and I talked last night and we looked seriously at what the hospital in our new hometown offers. Basically, we'll be able to get all the diagnostic testing we need there, and if it turns out that we have to do IUI or IVF, then we'll figure out how we'll manage it. That feeling of things spiralling out of control is gone because we have a plan for what we're going to do once we leave the DC area.

Feeling much better now.

Breakdown

The RE can't see me until April 5. That's 4 weeks away, and while I understand that it's not unusual for new patients to have to wait awhile for apppointments, I'm having a breakdown right now. I'm so frustrated. I'm so angry. This move is screwing everything up. We'll only have one cycle under the RE's care before our move, only one cycle before we go somewhere with NO RE we can use with our insurance. One cycle before J's schedule means that he can't leave town for a year.

Part of me wonders if I'm being irrational. If I'm blowing things completely out of proportion. But I feel so out of control right now. It's taken us this long just to get a referral, and now they tell me that we won't even be here long enough to get past the initial diagnostic phase of treatment. It's like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me--letting me experience hope, and then snatching it away and laughing at me.

Why can't just one part of this process come easily?

Waiting...

The RE's office I have to go to isn't great about returning phone calls, so J is going to go there in person this afternoon to see about getting an appointment scheduled for me. I'm nervous as hell because there's a fair chance I won't be seen for 6 weeks at which point we'll be just a few weeks away from moving. If that happens I just don't know what we're going to do.

One of the biggest complicating factors right now is that our insurance only covers certain REs and there aren't any in the town we're moving to. There's one six hours away, but if it comes down to doing IUI or IVF, we're pretty much going to have to put TTC on hold for at least a year before J's schedule will allow us to make multi-day trips 6 hours away. Our options (as I see them) are:

1) Start the testing process with this RE, pray that they'll be able to do some tests before we leave, and then figure out how (if) we can continue the process once we're in Texas.
2) Start the testing process with this RE, then pay out $$$ to go to an RE our insurance doesn't cover in Texas because putting everything on hold for a year really isn't something I'm willing to do.

Neither is very appealing at the moment, and I wish that the stupid clinic would just pick up their damn phone so I could get some answers. What kind of place is this where they don't return calls, anyway? Are these the people I really want to trust with my reproductive health and already fragile emotional state? All I want are some answers so I can start planning out a strategy for dealing with this!

Ready for a Break

I'm ready for a break. The last month or so of work has just been awful. I'm not interested in it anymore, half the projects I'm working on won't be finished until after I quit, and I do everything I can to leave by 5:00 every day, which is something I've never done before. The good thing is that I only have ~60 days until I'm not working in the office anymore (my last day isn't actually until June 6, but I'm off except for emergencies starting May 12). The bad thing is that my lack of motivation is resulting in sloppiness on my part. Last week I forgot about a meeting I'd scheduled, and it could have been very, very bad if the person I was meeting with hadn't been nice about reschduling. I've never screwed up like that before.

I suppose I could blame my lack of interest in work on all the drama in our lives right now (between a sick cat, starting infertility testing, and selling our house, we do have a lot on our plates) but I know that's not the problem. The problem is that I'm tired of my job, I'm lazy, and I just don't really care anymore. I HAVE to care, though, at least until May 12, so the only thing I can do right now is to focus on what I'm doing right now as opposed to thinking about where I'm going to be in two months. Maybe that means I need to take a break from the internet, and maybe it means that (as my dad would say) I need a serious attitude adjustment. Regardless, this level of disinterest isn't acceptable as long as I'm drawing a paycheck, and it definitely doesn't bode well for my level of motivation at my next job.

So, I've decided to take the entire month of June off. I won't look for a job, I won't obsess over money (I hope), and I won't be miserable. I also won't just be lazing around the house, since we'll need to unpack, decorate, and settle in to our new house. I can't wait for that. I'm sure I'll get bored by the end of the month, and I do want to get another job or go back to school (haven't decided which yet) but I need a break. Not just because I'm tired, but because I want to excell at whatever I do next, and I don't think that I'll be able to in my current frame of mind.

A preview of my new life

We had one of J's classmates and his wife over for dinner tonight. They're moving to Texas too, and it's very likely that we'll be spending a lot of time together for the next few years. J and his classmate are good buddies, but his wife and I didn't know each other at all before tonight. They also brought their 13 month-old daughter, who is just cute as a button.

The dinner was fun, and we spent most of the evening watching how the baby interacted with our cats. Codi and Arcadia did extremely well with her--they let her "pet" them, didn't freak out when she screamed in excitement, and generally acted like model pets. Little stinkers clearly had their best manners out for company.

It was hard to be around a baby, especially one who was all smiles and giggles and who decided towards the end of the night that I was the only one she wanted to play with. Still, I did better than I expected, and I'm really glad that they brought her. My current philosophy is that I can't just shut myself off from the rest of the world--dealing with my feelings in isolation isn't going to make me feel better. Tonight was important because I didn't let the fact that a baby was there keep me from enjoying myself. Knowing that I can do that is definitely helping me keep my sprits up at the end of this eleventh month of TTC.

I am disgustingly normal

All my blood tests came back and showed that absolutely nothing is wrong with me. That doesn't mean that there ISN'T something wrong, but just that some of the usual suspects they look for early on (low progesterone, insulin resistance, STDs, etc...) have been eliminated.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I'm glad that the tests came back normal. I'm glad that I don't have any of the conditions they've eliminated. On the other, some things (like low progesterone) can be fixed pretty easily, and now I have to go in for more diagnostic testing to see what (if anything) is wrong with me.

I'm also experiencing a fair amount of anxiety over the logistics of my RE appointments. The hospital I have to go to is in one of the most inconvenient locations possible, and will mean that I need appointments at the butt-crack of dawn or late in the afternoon so I don't miss a lot of work. My boss knows that I have a "medical issue" and will need time off for appointments, and he's very understanding, but I have no idea how I'm going to make this work without (literally) driving myself insane over the transportation problem. Things would be so much easier if I could just go to the hospital near us, but they don't have an RE.

In other news (since I can't go a day without posting a medical update about Arcadia) the cat is spending the day at her vet's office for tests. Bloodwork is normal, though, so the vet thinks that it could just be reflux or hairballs, neither of which she's ever had before. I'm skeptical, and very tempted to ask them to do x-rays in case she ate something that's causing an obstruction, but it's $200.

Successes and Setbacks

Success--the Miami meeting was a hit! In spite of all my worries, things couldn't have gone better. The only negative part of the trip was that the hotel we stayed at sucked royally. I had noisy neighbors and the front desk blew me off when I asked for a different room, my boss's room wasn't cleaned and they tried to bill him for another guest's 5-night stay, and the other guy we were traveling with never got his wake-up call and almost missed our big meeting. We happened to run into the hotel manager this morning, so we were able to tell him about the problems (he was appropriately mortified). He asked for our contact information, so maybe we'll get our rooms comped.

Setbacks--Arcadia is still throwing up, so I'm taking her to the vet tomorrow morning for some more tests. J thinks she might be getting nauseous from pain (the bladder crystals can really hurt) but she can keep down most of the dry and wet food she's eaten, so we know she's not starving or dehydrated. Poor little girl. I can't really be mad at her for pretty much ruining our sofa because she's clearly sick. Tonight she's subdued, but still participating in normal Arcadia behaviors like stalking and chasing Codi and playing with her toys.

My life is just a non-stop party, isn't it?

STRESS!

I have to fly to Miami this afternoon for an event tomorrow morning (the planning of which is not going well, ergo the STRESS) and all I can think about is Arcadia who not only peed on the sofa again last night, but also threw up in several places this morning. I'm worried that she's really sick, and I can't take her to the vet because I have to go to stupid Miami.

J is trying to get off work early to take her in, but in truth he probably won't be able to leave until his shift is almost over anyway.

I swear, this blog should be retitled "My Cat Pees on My Couch"

*****

To my Snarkies--happy 2nd Snarkiversary! Hugs and kisses to you all!

I want a puppy

I want a puppy. A little squirmy, happy, gets-too-excited-around-the-cats puppy. Some days I think that getting another pet will make me feel less sad about not being pregnant yet.

A few months ago I was obsessed with getting a kitten. J said no, and his reasons were good (not enough space, we don't really want to move with three cats, Arcadia and Codi are more than enough to handle right now) but I was mad at him for quite awhile about it. Now I want a puppy, even though we still don't have enough room, we still don't want to move with another pet, and we both work long hours, so no one would be around to let the puppy out or take it on walks every day.

And a puppy needs those things.

Mark my words. The first thing we'll do when we get to Texas is adopt a puppy. And I will spoil it rotten.

Confession Time

I'm about to say something that may shock you.

Ready for it?

I'm....a bit of an airhead

(waits for family members to stop laughing their heads off)

(still waiting)

it's true. I, C, am kind of an airhead. I don't mean to be, but somehow I end up saying and doing things that are, well, ditzy. For example, this afternoon I called our realtor and set up a meeting for 7:00 tonight. I called Juan, made a little note in my Outlook calendar, and then promptly forgot all about it. I only remembered the meeting when Juan called my cell at 7:00 to find out why I wasn't home yet.

As Homer Simpson would say, "D'oh!"

Sadly, I do things like this all the time. It's common knowledge that if I don't write something down, I WILL forget about it. Heck, even if I do write it down, there's only a 50% chance that it'll get done. I'm a very frustrating person to talk to because I tend to repeat things over and over again, not remembering that we've already covered them. I also don't remember things like J's schedule (which, in my defense, changes frequently), plans that I've made (see above for a case in point), etc...

So, since only my friends and family read this blog, I'm going to pre-emptively apologize to all of you for anything important that I forget about in the future. I wish I could change, I really do, but shy of hiring a personal assistant to follow me around and make sure I don't forget anything, it's probably not going to happen.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The good: replacement cushions for the couch are only $50 each. We ordered two, and they'll be here in 4 weeks. I'm not thrilled that it's going to take a month to get them, but I almost kissed the saleswoman when she quoted the price to me.

The bad: because it's going to take a month to get the replacement cushions, we've had to make our own vinyl covers for the old cushions so Arcadia will (hopefully) not be able to damage them further. Thanks to the awesomeness of Petzyme, the smell is gone. We looked and looked online for ready-made covers that would fit, but ended up just buying two cheap shower curtain liners from Target and taping them around the cushions. It feels a little weird to sit on them now, but I can definitely live with that until April.

The other bad: At least one person came to tour the condo between Thursday and Saturday and didn't leave a card or call. We only noticed that someone had been here because two of the three "home for sale" flyers we had on the dining room table on Wednesday were gone when J looked last night. It bugs me that whoever it was clearly disregarded the instruction on our MLS listing to call us prior to coming over, AND that they didn't leave a card. This wouldn't be anything more than a minor annoyance except for the fact that the condo has literally been a mess for most of the last week. I'm mad at myself about that, especially since I certainly wouldn't be interested in buying a place with dirty dishes in the sink and a living room that's torn to bits.

The ugly (confidential to my body): Spotting? Really? At 5 dpo? You've got to be fucking kidding me. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THIS, DO YOU HEAR ME? NOT ALLOWED!

We're going to feed her to the wolves

She did it again. On the other couch cushion.

(ripping hair out)

Her vet appointment isn't until tomorrow, and I'm really not sure how to wait that long knowing that she might wreck any other piece of furniture in the house. We're seriously debating locking her in the laundry room with her litter box and some food until then. I just don't know what else we can do at this point. We now need two new cushions which will probably be so insanely expensive that we'll just end up buying an entirely new couch and praying that she doesn't pee on it.

I'm crossing my fingers and toes that no one wants to see the condo this weekend because we're clearly not at our best.

The many joys of pet ownership

Warning--if you don't want to read about the bodily functions of my cat, you might want to skip this entry.

Apparently Arcadia didn't get the memo that the Month of Suck is over because she peed on the couch again last night.

(sigh)

She might still be feeling sick and is doing it to show us that she's not well. She also might still be able to smell where she did it last time and now she thinks that it's an okay place to pee. I really don't know. We're taking her back to the vet this weekend to make sure that she's getting over her infection, but I'm not sure the couch is salvagable. At the very least, we probably need to buy entirely new cushions, and I have no idea if you can get them separately.



Little girl, why are you doing this???

Random Thoughts (or The Crappiest Entry Ever)

-I have eight boxes of Girl Scout Cookies sitting under my desk. There used to be nine, but my coworkers and I managed to eat an entire box in under 10 minutes.

-My fingernails are really long. I don't know if it's the OPI Nail Envy I've been using every week for about a month or not, but I don't think my nails have ever looked this good.

-I am in desperate need of new black dress shoes. The ones I'm wearing now are scuffed nine ways from Sunday and the soles are coming off. Sounds like a good excuse for a DSW trip to me.

-My next blood test is on Monday, then we get the official RE referral. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, even though I know we need to take this step.

-I think my mood would be a lot better if it was sunny outside.

-We found some crazy cheap tickets to Texas last night, so we're headed there next month to look at houses. Now I'm just nervous that we won't be able to make any offers because our condo still hasn't gotten any offers.

-My intern is far too eager for new projects. She needs to learn the fine art of SLACKING when the boss is out of town.

-This is probably the lamest entry I've ever posted, but unless you want to hear a detailed description of how much I want to go home, curl up under the covers, and watch dumb movies, this is as good as it's going to get today.

Say Hallelujah!

February is OVER! The month of suck has officially ended, and there are already signs that March will be an awesome month.

-The temperature today is a balmy 51 degrees
-I was able to finish a project at work by noon, and originally I thought it was going to take all day.
-My trip to Utah is in only 15 days
-My birthday is in only 22 days
-Kyt is moving to her new apartment this weekend!
-Girl Scout Cookies arrived today
-Part 1 of the Project Runway season finale airs tonight! Go Daniel V.!

Clearly, March rocks.