I've been tagged by the lovely and talented Megan, whose blog I read religiously (all those hits definitely aren't just from Juan!) for this fun literature meme.
You're stuck inside Farenheight 451, which book do you want to be?
This is a toughie, mostly because I don't think that I've read Farenheight 451 since junior high. I like Megan's answer about being one of the first books on the fire, so I'll steal it and move on to the next question.
Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Oh yes. Yes, yes yes. Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice (and, if I'm being completely honest, from Bridget Jones' Diary too) is one of my all-time favorite literature crushes.
The last book you bought was
The First Days of School by Harry K. Wong because it was recommended by a woman in my Curriculum Development class as a must-read for a new teacher.
The last book you read is
I'm in a trashy fiction phase, so the last book I read was Holding the Dream by Nora Roberts. It was a brainless read, and I loved it. Some English teacher I'll make, huh?
What are you currently reading?
I'm between books at the moment, but the next fun one on my list is Washingtonienne by Jessica Cutler.
Five books you would take to a deserted island
1) The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver because every time I read this book I get something new out of it.
2) David Copperfield by Charles Dickens because it's LONG and one of my all-time favorites.
3) The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde because it's just so funny and bizarre.
4) Truman by David McCullough because again, it's LONG and it took almost a year for me to read it the first time, plus it's an excellent biography.
5) Postsecret by Frank Warren because after all those thick, heavy books, a funny and thought-provoking coffee table book is exactly what I'd need.
Who are you going to pass the stick to, and why?
I'm going to tag two of my favorite readers--Kathleen and Kyt because they both love to read and have really interesting opinions about books we've read.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
More on Bad Things Happening When C Cooks
Clearly everyone loves a good C-sucks-in-the-kitchen story (I know I sure do!) so here's my first, and probably most infamous, cooking disaster story.
It was 1993, and I was on my first babysitting job ever. I'd just taken the big babysitter certification class at St. Mark's hospital and I got a call from the mom of one of my sister's friends, asking if I could sit while she and her husband went out for an evening. Could I? YES!!! I was so stoked. I must have re-read every single Babysitters Club book I owned (and at that point I think I owned them all) in anticipation of my first real babysitting gig. What activities would I do with the kids? How would I spend my first paycheck? What would I WEAR?
You could say that I was very, very prepared for every contingency I could think of by the time the big day rolled around. I got the full tour of the house (even though I'd been there before) a list of emergency contact numbers, and instructions for how to finish up a project the mom had started with the kids earlier that evening. The project was making homemade potato chips, which was something I'd never done before. My dad left, the parents left, and suddenly I was alone. With the kids. The kids who I was now in charge of. For two or more hours.
I tried not to let them know how much I was panicking right then, and instead suggested that we finish making the potato chips so we could eat them while watching a video. Basically, the recipe called for slicing up thin pieces of potato (which the mom had already done), adding some seasonings, and nuking the chips until they were crispy. This should have been a piece of cake.
Emphasis on the should.
We had made maybe 2 or 3 plates of chips before things went wrong. First I noticed a slightly acrid odor in the air. I remember thinking that the chips we were making were probabaly burning, so I turned off the microwave and pulled out the plate. Even though they'd been in there for over 2 minutes, the chips were still cold and soggy. Now, please remember that I was 12 years old and not exactly a master of deductive reasoning. Adult C would have seen that there was something wrong with the microwave since it hadn't done a thing to these chips after 2 minutes. Teenybopper C just thought "Huh, that's weird," and put the plate back in the microwave. Teenybopper C made the wrong decision.
Maybe a minute after I put the chips back in, thick, black smoke started POURING out of the microwave. I flipped, and told the kids to get outside. The girl didn't listen (this would become a chronic problem during later babysitting adventures at their house) and grabbed a dishtowel to fan the smoke away from the smoke alarm, which had activated. I grabbed the little boy and the cordless phone, ran outside, and called my dad to tell him that he needed to get there RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THE HOUSE WAS GOING TO BURN DOWN AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT! Then I grabbed the girl and made her and her brother sit outside with me while we waited for my dad.
To this day, I don't know why none of the neighbors came out to see what was happening. The smoke alarm was going off right next to the open door, everyone on the street knew everyone else, and people should have been home at that hour. Who knows. Anyway, my parents just lived a block away, so my dad got there in under 3 minutes, and somehow got the smoke to stop coming out. He probably just did something smart like unplugging the microwave.
I don't remember if we got ahold of the parents right away or not. I think not, since this was in the days before cell phones and they were probably at a movie. I do remember being really scared to tell them what happened when they got home. Fortunately they were understanding, and gave me an extra-big tip for handling things so well. I remember the girl got grounded for not listening to me when I told her to get out of the house.
In any case, I thought that I was done with babysitting for good after that. None of the members of the Babysitters Club had ever started a fire in their client's microwave and had to call their dad to come put it out. There wasn't a section of my Babysitter's Handbook (courtesy of my certification class) that dealt with explaining to parents why their house smelled like icky smoke when they came home.
I think my negative feelings about babysitting lasted a week or two. Then the family called again (they had bought a new microwave) and wanted me to sit for a few hours again. I said okay, and that was the time the little boy almost hung himself with the venetian blinds. I'm tired now, though (and craving some potato chips) so that will have to be a story for another day.
It was 1993, and I was on my first babysitting job ever. I'd just taken the big babysitter certification class at St. Mark's hospital and I got a call from the mom of one of my sister's friends, asking if I could sit while she and her husband went out for an evening. Could I? YES!!! I was so stoked. I must have re-read every single Babysitters Club book I owned (and at that point I think I owned them all) in anticipation of my first real babysitting gig. What activities would I do with the kids? How would I spend my first paycheck? What would I WEAR?
You could say that I was very, very prepared for every contingency I could think of by the time the big day rolled around. I got the full tour of the house (even though I'd been there before) a list of emergency contact numbers, and instructions for how to finish up a project the mom had started with the kids earlier that evening. The project was making homemade potato chips, which was something I'd never done before. My dad left, the parents left, and suddenly I was alone. With the kids. The kids who I was now in charge of. For two or more hours.
I tried not to let them know how much I was panicking right then, and instead suggested that we finish making the potato chips so we could eat them while watching a video. Basically, the recipe called for slicing up thin pieces of potato (which the mom had already done), adding some seasonings, and nuking the chips until they were crispy. This should have been a piece of cake.
Emphasis on the should.
We had made maybe 2 or 3 plates of chips before things went wrong. First I noticed a slightly acrid odor in the air. I remember thinking that the chips we were making were probabaly burning, so I turned off the microwave and pulled out the plate. Even though they'd been in there for over 2 minutes, the chips were still cold and soggy. Now, please remember that I was 12 years old and not exactly a master of deductive reasoning. Adult C would have seen that there was something wrong with the microwave since it hadn't done a thing to these chips after 2 minutes. Teenybopper C just thought "Huh, that's weird," and put the plate back in the microwave. Teenybopper C made the wrong decision.
Maybe a minute after I put the chips back in, thick, black smoke started POURING out of the microwave. I flipped, and told the kids to get outside. The girl didn't listen (this would become a chronic problem during later babysitting adventures at their house) and grabbed a dishtowel to fan the smoke away from the smoke alarm, which had activated. I grabbed the little boy and the cordless phone, ran outside, and called my dad to tell him that he needed to get there RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THE HOUSE WAS GOING TO BURN DOWN AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT! Then I grabbed the girl and made her and her brother sit outside with me while we waited for my dad.
To this day, I don't know why none of the neighbors came out to see what was happening. The smoke alarm was going off right next to the open door, everyone on the street knew everyone else, and people should have been home at that hour. Who knows. Anyway, my parents just lived a block away, so my dad got there in under 3 minutes, and somehow got the smoke to stop coming out. He probably just did something smart like unplugging the microwave.
I don't remember if we got ahold of the parents right away or not. I think not, since this was in the days before cell phones and they were probably at a movie. I do remember being really scared to tell them what happened when they got home. Fortunately they were understanding, and gave me an extra-big tip for handling things so well. I remember the girl got grounded for not listening to me when I told her to get out of the house.
In any case, I thought that I was done with babysitting for good after that. None of the members of the Babysitters Club had ever started a fire in their client's microwave and had to call their dad to come put it out. There wasn't a section of my Babysitter's Handbook (courtesy of my certification class) that dealt with explaining to parents why their house smelled like icky smoke when they came home.
I think my negative feelings about babysitting lasted a week or two. Then the family called again (they had bought a new microwave) and wanted me to sit for a few hours again. I said okay, and that was the time the little boy almost hung himself with the venetian blinds. I'm tired now, though (and craving some potato chips) so that will have to be a story for another day.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Ways to make sure your husband won't eat what you've made for dinner (thereby leaving all of the yummy leftovers for yourself!)
J started a new rotation this month which means that he won't be getting home until after 7:00 every night. Poor guy. Aside from the fact that this leaves me home alone with the dog and cats all day (who are still getting on really well, so YAY!) it also means that if I want to eat before, say, bedtime, I need to actually venture into the kitchen and cook something.
Under normal circumstances, I Do Not Cook. Bad Things Happen When C Cooks. I burn food, leave half a dish stone-cold while the other half is too hot to even attempt eating, and tend to leave out key ingredients until it's too late. Still, I like (love) to eat, so doing some cooking during months like this is essential.
Over the weekend I did the grocery shopping and picked up some easy, fool-proof meals that even I could make. Things like grilled chicken (okay, so J actually did the grilling), Bertolli meals in a bag, and the like. I was thinking quick, I was thinking easy, and I was thinking tasty. The grocery store was having a good sale on Rice-a-Roni too, and even though I've tried to stop eating it so much because of the sodium content, I bought enough boxes to fill up one of our cupboards because I'm a sucker for cheap stuff.
My plan tonight was to eat last night's leftover chicken, but since there wasn't a whole lot left, I cracked open a box of Rice-a-Roni for a side. Hey, it's better than making a late-night run to Sonic because I'm still hungry after dinner. So I browned the rice, poured in the water, and added the seasoning packet. Except, not all of the seasonings were dissolving. I stirred and stirred, and finally thought to take a look at the box to see if there was some key step (pulverizing the seasoning packet ahead of time?) I had missed.
Did you know that they now make Chicken and Mushroom Rice-a-Roni with pieces of real (freeze dried) mushrooms included? I didn't! And apparently I came home with three or four boxes of the stuff. Now, to me, rice and mushrooms sounds delicious, but J HATES mushrooms. Hates them passionately. We go through a little routine every time we're at a restaurant and he orders something with mushrooms in it. Every little speck of mushroom has to be removed from his dish (usually onto my plate) before he'll take a bite. This is a serious hatred, people.
Sooo... I guess I'm the only one who'll be eating the Rice-a-Roni tonight. Sorry sweetie, I really didn't notice that there were actual mushrooms in the box when I bought it! Tomorrow I'll make cheesy pasta, okay?
Under normal circumstances, I Do Not Cook. Bad Things Happen When C Cooks. I burn food, leave half a dish stone-cold while the other half is too hot to even attempt eating, and tend to leave out key ingredients until it's too late. Still, I like (love) to eat, so doing some cooking during months like this is essential.
Over the weekend I did the grocery shopping and picked up some easy, fool-proof meals that even I could make. Things like grilled chicken (okay, so J actually did the grilling), Bertolli meals in a bag, and the like. I was thinking quick, I was thinking easy, and I was thinking tasty. The grocery store was having a good sale on Rice-a-Roni too, and even though I've tried to stop eating it so much because of the sodium content, I bought enough boxes to fill up one of our cupboards because I'm a sucker for cheap stuff.
My plan tonight was to eat last night's leftover chicken, but since there wasn't a whole lot left, I cracked open a box of Rice-a-Roni for a side. Hey, it's better than making a late-night run to Sonic because I'm still hungry after dinner. So I browned the rice, poured in the water, and added the seasoning packet. Except, not all of the seasonings were dissolving. I stirred and stirred, and finally thought to take a look at the box to see if there was some key step (pulverizing the seasoning packet ahead of time?) I had missed.
Did you know that they now make Chicken and Mushroom Rice-a-Roni with pieces of real (freeze dried) mushrooms included? I didn't! And apparently I came home with three or four boxes of the stuff. Now, to me, rice and mushrooms sounds delicious, but J HATES mushrooms. Hates them passionately. We go through a little routine every time we're at a restaurant and he orders something with mushrooms in it. Every little speck of mushroom has to be removed from his dish (usually onto my plate) before he'll take a bite. This is a serious hatred, people.
Sooo... I guess I'm the only one who'll be eating the Rice-a-Roni tonight. Sorry sweetie, I really didn't notice that there were actual mushrooms in the box when I bought it! Tomorrow I'll make cheesy pasta, okay?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Making Barnes & Noble Very Happy
My big project this weekend (besides going to my first class, which I'll talk about later) was buying my textbooks. I went in to the bookstore expecting to come away with two or three books, and came out with these:
Yeah, I got a little carried away. No one can say that I'm not going to be prepared, though!
Class on Saturday was okay. Not great, but the instructor seems like she knows what she's talking about and my classmates are friendly and just as excited to be there as I am. Two complaints, though. The first is that the class apparently started last week. That's right, I missed the first day of class. Fortunately so did almost all the other students because the department told us all to come on the wrong day. Oops. The instructor didn't penalize us for not coming on the first day (how could she?) but I now have a boatload of homework to get finished this week.
My second complaint is that at the last minute the instructor decided to change the course format from all in-person to half in-person and half online. On one hand I wasn't really looking forward to spending all of my Saturdays until Christmas in class, but on the other hand, I wanted to take an in-person class for a reason. Oh well. Maybe next semester.
In non-school news, I think we may have reached a breakthrough with Jasper and the cats. Last night all three animals spent the evening in the same room, and there was very little growling or chasing happening. Hopefully this behavior continues!
Yeah, I got a little carried away. No one can say that I'm not going to be prepared, though!
Class on Saturday was okay. Not great, but the instructor seems like she knows what she's talking about and my classmates are friendly and just as excited to be there as I am. Two complaints, though. The first is that the class apparently started last week. That's right, I missed the first day of class. Fortunately so did almost all the other students because the department told us all to come on the wrong day. Oops. The instructor didn't penalize us for not coming on the first day (how could she?) but I now have a boatload of homework to get finished this week.
My second complaint is that at the last minute the instructor decided to change the course format from all in-person to half in-person and half online. On one hand I wasn't really looking forward to spending all of my Saturdays until Christmas in class, but on the other hand, I wanted to take an in-person class for a reason. Oh well. Maybe next semester.
In non-school news, I think we may have reached a breakthrough with Jasper and the cats. Last night all three animals spent the evening in the same room, and there was very little growling or chasing happening. Hopefully this behavior continues!
Friday, August 25, 2006
It's really been awhile
I'm sitting up late tonight, poking around online because I can't sleep. Just for fun, I looked up a website I was addicted to last summer, Pee on a Stick. It's a fun reference site for those who want to know everything there is to know about pregnancy tests and ovulation predictor kits. I knew it had been awhile since I'd been to the site, but I didn't realize just how long it had been until I saw an announcement on the homepage. The site's creator had her second child earlier this week.
For some reason, this is really startling to me. I mean, I have friends who were pregnant with their first child when we started to TTC and who are now expecting #2. There are other friends who weren't trying at all when we started, and they have babies now. I know it's been 16 months since we started trying, but every once in awhile I'm reminded of just how long that really is. It's long enough for the woman who runs the POAS site to go through an entire pregnancy without my realizing it, because by the time she got pregnant I was no longer using checking her site regularly to make sure that there weren't any new recalls. By the time she got pregnant, I suspected there was a problem with me since I was spotting so much, and testing seemed pointless when I'd been bleeding for a week already.
It's time to get this show on the road. I can't wait another 16 months.
For some reason, this is really startling to me. I mean, I have friends who were pregnant with their first child when we started to TTC and who are now expecting #2. There are other friends who weren't trying at all when we started, and they have babies now. I know it's been 16 months since we started trying, but every once in awhile I'm reminded of just how long that really is. It's long enough for the woman who runs the POAS site to go through an entire pregnancy without my realizing it, because by the time she got pregnant I was no longer using checking her site regularly to make sure that there weren't any new recalls. By the time she got pregnant, I suspected there was a problem with me since I was spotting so much, and testing seemed pointless when I'd been bleeding for a week already.
It's time to get this show on the road. I can't wait another 16 months.
First Day of School Jitters
Tomorrow is the first day of class for the in-person course I'm taking this semester. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little nervous, or that (dork alert) I haven't already picked out what I'm planning to wear.
This isn't really my first day of school since my online class started on Tuesday (and yes, I did manage to figure everything out, so yay!) but there's a real difference between taking an online class and sitting in a room with other students and a professor. Plus no one can see my cute first day outfit over the internet.
In other school-related news, one of the local districts has an opening for an English teacher and someone from their HR department actually called me earlier this week to make sure that I applied for the job. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I confess to squealing and jumping up and down a bit after I hung up the phone.
Wish me luck!
This isn't really my first day of school since my online class started on Tuesday (and yes, I did manage to figure everything out, so yay!) but there's a real difference between taking an online class and sitting in a room with other students and a professor. Plus no one can see my cute first day outfit over the internet.
In other school-related news, one of the local districts has an opening for an English teacher and someone from their HR department actually called me earlier this week to make sure that I applied for the job. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I confess to squealing and jumping up and down a bit after I hung up the phone.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Thumb-twiddling
In lieu of having anything interesting to say, here are some cute Jasper pictures. As you can see, he's very curious about the camera.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Confused by that Newfangled Internet Thingy
Remember when I decided to go back to school to become a teacher? And how excited I was about buying school supplies and paying tuition? Yeah, I'm getting over it.
I got a call from the university this morning to let me know that a class I really wanted to take had an opening in one of the online sections, and did I want to enroll? Of course I did! This was the one class I was really bummed about not getting to take right away, and while I had never taken an online class before I figured that at least this meant I wouldn't have to commute to campus more than once a week. Saving gas is good! The woman at the university gave me some kind of code (note: I didn't bother finding out what the code was for, just wrote it down in my day planner) and told me that she'd e-mail me more details about the online program.
Now, either she was incredibly busy this morning or I'm an idiot, because her e-mail made no sense whatsoever. It was an e-mail that had originally been sent to the course's instructor and said nothing specific about what a student had to do in order to navigate the online course software. One of the links in the e-mail seemed somewhat helpful, though, so I followed it to the massive, scary University of Texas System page.
Disclaimer: as a general rule, I think that I'm a fairly savvy internet-type person. I have a blog, I know a little HTML (watch how I can make my words bold or underlined), and I can order a pizza from the comfort of my laptop. I'm not an IT professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I tend to understand how to do things on a computer. I'm apparently not as knowledgeable as I thought though, because I have no freaking clue what I'm supposed to do in order to access my class online. I can't even figure out what day it starts!
After spending a good 45 minutes battling panic over not being able to figure out the stupid software (or even how to log in) I sent a mea culpa e-mail to the woman at the university who had originally sent me the supposedly "explanatory" e-mail, begging for some guidance. At the very least, I need to know what this stupid code means! I hope (fingers crossed) that the reason I'm having so many problems is that the university hasn't had time to formally register me for the class yet, so my usual logins and passwords aren't working.
In any case, I'm having flashbacks to my one recurrent college nightmare, in which I discover that I signed up for a class without realizing it, haven't been attending all semester, the final is TODAY, and if I fail, I'll ruin my GPA. I feel completely unprepared and clueless, and it's not pleasant.
I got a call from the university this morning to let me know that a class I really wanted to take had an opening in one of the online sections, and did I want to enroll? Of course I did! This was the one class I was really bummed about not getting to take right away, and while I had never taken an online class before I figured that at least this meant I wouldn't have to commute to campus more than once a week. Saving gas is good! The woman at the university gave me some kind of code (note: I didn't bother finding out what the code was for, just wrote it down in my day planner) and told me that she'd e-mail me more details about the online program.
Now, either she was incredibly busy this morning or I'm an idiot, because her e-mail made no sense whatsoever. It was an e-mail that had originally been sent to the course's instructor and said nothing specific about what a student had to do in order to navigate the online course software. One of the links in the e-mail seemed somewhat helpful, though, so I followed it to the massive, scary University of Texas System page.
Disclaimer: as a general rule, I think that I'm a fairly savvy internet-type person. I have a blog, I know a little HTML (watch how I can make my words bold or underlined), and I can order a pizza from the comfort of my laptop. I'm not an IT professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I tend to understand how to do things on a computer. I'm apparently not as knowledgeable as I thought though, because I have no freaking clue what I'm supposed to do in order to access my class online. I can't even figure out what day it starts!
After spending a good 45 minutes battling panic over not being able to figure out the stupid software (or even how to log in) I sent a mea culpa e-mail to the woman at the university who had originally sent me the supposedly "explanatory" e-mail, begging for some guidance. At the very least, I need to know what this stupid code means! I hope (fingers crossed) that the reason I'm having so many problems is that the university hasn't had time to formally register me for the class yet, so my usual logins and passwords aren't working.
In any case, I'm having flashbacks to my one recurrent college nightmare, in which I discover that I signed up for a class without realizing it, haven't been attending all semester, the final is TODAY, and if I fail, I'll ruin my GPA. I feel completely unprepared and clueless, and it's not pleasant.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Homeownership is FUN!
With all the rain here lately (we still have a leak in the garage and will probably be ripping out some drywall in the next few weeks to see just how bad it really is) the grass has been growing like crazy. I got a lawn service to mow it three weeks ago, but at $50+ a visit, it hardly seemed worth it to keep having them come out when we could get a perfectly good mower for under $200.
So we went to Lowe's. I like Lowe's, but we've been spending far too much time there lately what with buying landscaping rocks and dirt to help re-direct rainwater away from our foundation, weedkiller for those extra-persistent desert weeds, and various other home-related items. To be honest, I'd like to go two or three weeks without dropping over $100 there, but that may just be me. Between a coupon and a sale, though, we got a decent mower for a good price and even managed to fit it in our little Civic. We got home just fine, and brought the mower box into the backyard to put it away in our handy little shed.
J opened the door and was greeted by the sight of 50 or so termites having a nice snack in the southeast corner of the shed. Naturally, it's after 5:00 on a Saturday, so the earliest I can call the exterminators is Monday morning.
Oh, and did I mention that all this water and humidity is causing cracks to open up in the stucco exterior of the house, and that we have to find someone who can seal them up ASAP so we don't get major water damage?
Yeah, this homeownership thing is a blast.
So we went to Lowe's. I like Lowe's, but we've been spending far too much time there lately what with buying landscaping rocks and dirt to help re-direct rainwater away from our foundation, weedkiller for those extra-persistent desert weeds, and various other home-related items. To be honest, I'd like to go two or three weeks without dropping over $100 there, but that may just be me. Between a coupon and a sale, though, we got a decent mower for a good price and even managed to fit it in our little Civic. We got home just fine, and brought the mower box into the backyard to put it away in our handy little shed.
J opened the door and was greeted by the sight of 50 or so termites having a nice snack in the southeast corner of the shed. Naturally, it's after 5:00 on a Saturday, so the earliest I can call the exterminators is Monday morning.
Oh, and did I mention that all this water and humidity is causing cracks to open up in the stucco exterior of the house, and that we have to find someone who can seal them up ASAP so we don't get major water damage?
Yeah, this homeownership thing is a blast.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Rested and Refreshed
I got back home last night, and even though I had a ball in Colorado, it's sooooo good to be back! There's nothing like waking up in your own bed after a full night's sleep and getting to play with your pets before breakfast.
The trip was great. We went to celebrate my parents 30th wedding anniversary, and in addition to a big party at my aunt's house, they renewed their vows at the same chapel where they got married. My mom even wore her original wedding dress! I can only hope that I'm still able to fit into my dress after 30 years. To be honest, I'm not sure I fit into it today, and our wedding was just three years ago!
We laughed, we cried, and at one point the big family joke was that we were all going to get bludgeoned to death on the streets of downtown Denver. My mom was laughing so hard that she almost choked. What can I say? You had to be there.
Aside from seeing my mom and dad so happy, the best part of the trip was reconnecting with my extended family. I have a wonderful family. I had such a good time that I was even able to forget about beng infertile for a few days. It was incredible to be able to forget about the biggest problem in my life for awhile and just concentrate on playing catch with my 11 year old cousin, listening to my grandma's stories, and gossiping with my sister.
Even though I didn't sleep much at all on the trip (my mattress for the last few nights was almost certainly older than I am) I'm feeling remarkably rested today. It's like a mental reset button has been pushed, and I've been reminded of why it is that we're trying so hard to have a baby. Family really is the most important thing in the world.
The trip was great. We went to celebrate my parents 30th wedding anniversary, and in addition to a big party at my aunt's house, they renewed their vows at the same chapel where they got married. My mom even wore her original wedding dress! I can only hope that I'm still able to fit into my dress after 30 years. To be honest, I'm not sure I fit into it today, and our wedding was just three years ago!
We laughed, we cried, and at one point the big family joke was that we were all going to get bludgeoned to death on the streets of downtown Denver. My mom was laughing so hard that she almost choked. What can I say? You had to be there.
Aside from seeing my mom and dad so happy, the best part of the trip was reconnecting with my extended family. I have a wonderful family. I had such a good time that I was even able to forget about beng infertile for a few days. It was incredible to be able to forget about the biggest problem in my life for awhile and just concentrate on playing catch with my 11 year old cousin, listening to my grandma's stories, and gossiping with my sister.
Even though I didn't sleep much at all on the trip (my mattress for the last few nights was almost certainly older than I am) I'm feeling remarkably rested today. It's like a mental reset button has been pushed, and I've been reminded of why it is that we're trying so hard to have a baby. Family really is the most important thing in the world.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Operation Common Thread
Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.
The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.
Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.
This project (and the eloquent description above) is the brainchild of Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters, and I'm proud to say that I tied on my string tonight. I'm urging anyone who is infertile or who has gone through infertility hell to buy yourself some embroidery floss (the color is #814) and tie it around your wrist. Let's all start doing something to raise awareness about infertility and to connect with people in our real lives who are infertile.
And on that note, J and I are leaving for Colorado tomorrow to celebrate my parents' 30th wedding anniversary, so I'll be away until Wednesday. Hope you all have a lovely weekend!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Slice Me and Dice Me
The biopsy results were normal, aside from a slightly lower-than-usual progesterone level. I have mixed feelings about this, but there's really not anything I can do about it so I'm trying not to let it bother me.
New OB/GYN Version 2.0 turned out to be one of the most helpful docs that I've seen during this process, and after talking about my other options (which basically boil down to trying on our own for X number of months or moving to the local RE clinic for IUI) we decided that the best next step is a laproscopy and hysteroscopy to rule out uterine problems that couldn't be seen during my HSG. The surgery will be on September 11, which gives us a cycle to start trying again and to see if the progesterone suppositories help with my spotting.
Oddly enough, for someone who's spent her life terrified of doctors and needles, the prospect of surgery really doesn't scare me. If nothing else, infertility has helped me conquer that fear. I'd rather be afraid of doctors than infertile, but at this point I'll take a silver lining wherever I can find one.
So, ultimately, yay! I'm feeling very good about the direction we're heading. Goooooo Team Surgery!
New OB/GYN Version 2.0 turned out to be one of the most helpful docs that I've seen during this process, and after talking about my other options (which basically boil down to trying on our own for X number of months or moving to the local RE clinic for IUI) we decided that the best next step is a laproscopy and hysteroscopy to rule out uterine problems that couldn't be seen during my HSG. The surgery will be on September 11, which gives us a cycle to start trying again and to see if the progesterone suppositories help with my spotting.
Oddly enough, for someone who's spent her life terrified of doctors and needles, the prospect of surgery really doesn't scare me. If nothing else, infertility has helped me conquer that fear. I'd rather be afraid of doctors than infertile, but at this point I'll take a silver lining wherever I can find one.
So, ultimately, yay! I'm feeling very good about the direction we're heading. Goooooo Team Surgery!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Unexplained
My appointment with New OB/GYN Version 2.0 is tomorrow afternoon. We'll find out the results of the endometrial biopsy and, I guess, talk about next steps. If the biopsy comes back normal I want to be tested for some blood clotting disorders. If it doesn't... This may sound crazy to those who haven't experienced unexplained infertility, but I hope the biopsy isn't normal. I hope there is a big, screaming red flag in those test results that will tell us what the problem is.
Fear of the unknown is largely what's kept me away from treatments thus far. Because we don't know what's wrong, I'm afraid to do an IUI because I'm convinced that it won't work. Why would it, when I have serious doubts that any embryo could possibly implant with my crappy lining? Why would I waste all that money on a treatment that, even if it manages to get me a fertiilized egg, won't do a thing for the one symptom I have that's telling me that something is wrong?
We're nearing the end of the road as far as diagnostic tests are concerned. It took some fancy medical talking by J to get Dr. F to do the biopsy. She didn't think it would tell us anything new, but was willing to do it because of the *chance* of endometrial hyperplasia. The blood clotting tests will be (would be, if we can once again sweet talk the doctor) looking for very rare disorders. Granted, infertility isn't exactly a run-of-the-mill condition, but it affects more women than the blood clotting problems I want to test for do.
I'm scared tonight. Scared that at the end of the day, all the tests in the world won't tell us what's wrong. Scared that our choices after tomorrow will be either taking Clomid (unmonitored) under the "supervision" of New OB/GYN Version 2.0, or moving on to the one RE in town for IUI. Not knowing what's wrong has left me feeling helpless and out of control. It may be time to accept that my unexplained infertility may always remain unexplained, and just try to accept that and move forward.
Fear of the unknown is largely what's kept me away from treatments thus far. Because we don't know what's wrong, I'm afraid to do an IUI because I'm convinced that it won't work. Why would it, when I have serious doubts that any embryo could possibly implant with my crappy lining? Why would I waste all that money on a treatment that, even if it manages to get me a fertiilized egg, won't do a thing for the one symptom I have that's telling me that something is wrong?
We're nearing the end of the road as far as diagnostic tests are concerned. It took some fancy medical talking by J to get Dr. F to do the biopsy. She didn't think it would tell us anything new, but was willing to do it because of the *chance* of endometrial hyperplasia. The blood clotting tests will be (would be, if we can once again sweet talk the doctor) looking for very rare disorders. Granted, infertility isn't exactly a run-of-the-mill condition, but it affects more women than the blood clotting problems I want to test for do.
I'm scared tonight. Scared that at the end of the day, all the tests in the world won't tell us what's wrong. Scared that our choices after tomorrow will be either taking Clomid (unmonitored) under the "supervision" of New OB/GYN Version 2.0, or moving on to the one RE in town for IUI. Not knowing what's wrong has left me feeling helpless and out of control. It may be time to accept that my unexplained infertility may always remain unexplained, and just try to accept that and move forward.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Empathy and Infertility
Today's post over at Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters got me thinking, and rather than write a novel in the comments section, I decided to write a spin-off post here. To wit, what obligation does an infertile woman have to be (or at least act) happy when a friend or family member announces their pregnancy?
To be honest, I struggle a lot with this issue. In the 16 months since J and I started trying to become parents, more friends than I can count have had babies or gotten pregnant. Some went through infertility, and I wept tears of joy when I heard those announcements. Most of the others, however, had little to no trouble conceiving, and I didn't take their pregnancy news very well. Eventually I do put on a happy face in front of all of my pregnant friends, but I also start avoiding many of them. It's not the best thing for our friendship, but it's a necessary act of self-preservation when I'm just so sad about my own infertility that I can't stand to see them with their cute bellies and stories about bizarre food cravings. Who has the greater burden in this situation to be empathetic to the other person's needs, though? Is it me, the infertile, or my friend, the happily pregnant woman?
In my opinion, there are two answers to this question. If the friend doesn't know about my infertility, the burden would fall squarely on my shoulders to either explain the situation (that I was happy for her, but going through my own fertility struggles, so I might not be able to participate in all the baby-related conversations and events) or to just "suck it up and deal." In this situation, I don't think it would be fair for me, or any infertile woman, to break off the friendship without any explanation. A real friend doesn't do something like that.
In my case, however, almost all of my friends know that we're having trouble conceiving. So who does the burden fall on under these circumstances? I think it's on both of us. I have the burden to offer a newly pregnant friend my congratulations, but as my friend, she has the obligation to tell me her news in a way that is sensitive to my situation. This is where I think a lot of fertile/infertile communication breaks down because it's assumed that good news automatically trumps bad news or a bad situation. No matter how down in the dumps you are, you're expected to smile and be happy when something good happens to someone else. Any other reaction gets you a "bitch" or "bad friend" label. Friendship is about empathy and support, though, and if your friends can't be supportive when you're going through a major life crisis (like infertility) why should you have to be supportive when they're going through an equally major positive life change (like pregnancy)?
It seems so obvious, and yet it's something that so few people truly seem to understand. As I've mentioned before I frequent a number of pregnancy and fertility-related message boards. At this point I actually have a canned reply to anyone who dares to complain about how their infertile friend doesn't want to hang out with them since their pregnancy announcement. It shocks me that these "friends" can't see past their own noses for two seconds to consider that the person they're currently whining about is going through one of the biggest crises of her life. A crisis that calls into question very basic assumptions we all make about what it means to be a woman, what our goals for our future are, and to what lengths we're willing to go just to become mothers. What kind of a friend doesn't have empathy for that kind of pain? To use an analogy I recently heard, it would be like flaunting your engagement in front of a woman who's recently been widowed. No friend would do that, and no friend should flaunt her fertility or pregnancy in front of an infertile friend, or blame that friend for not being able to be overjoyed at the pregnancy news.
Most of the time, however, this isn't what pregnant "friends" of infertiles want to hear. They want to hear that they're right, that their friend is being selfish, and that even infertility shouldn't stand in the way of planning a BFF's baby shower complete with diaper cake. Some do listen, though, and those are the friends all infertile women wish we had. Those women want to be good friends, even if it means not being able to share the daily joys and sorrows of pregnancy with someone close to them. I'm fortunate to have a number of fertile friends who "get it", and I hope that when they read this they understand why. Friendship has to go both ways, or it was never a real friendship to begin with.
The sad thing is, this isn't the kind of issue that will ever really be resolved. There will always be "friends" who are just too clueless to realize how badly you're hurting, and ones whose knee jerk reaction when you don't jump for joy that they're having a baby after just one month of trying is to call you selfish and mean. All any of us can do is to try to talk about why that's really not the case, and to surround ourselves with only the people we trust to understand our pain and mixed emotions as well as possible. In the end, those are only friendships that are worth having anyway.
To be honest, I struggle a lot with this issue. In the 16 months since J and I started trying to become parents, more friends than I can count have had babies or gotten pregnant. Some went through infertility, and I wept tears of joy when I heard those announcements. Most of the others, however, had little to no trouble conceiving, and I didn't take their pregnancy news very well. Eventually I do put on a happy face in front of all of my pregnant friends, but I also start avoiding many of them. It's not the best thing for our friendship, but it's a necessary act of self-preservation when I'm just so sad about my own infertility that I can't stand to see them with their cute bellies and stories about bizarre food cravings. Who has the greater burden in this situation to be empathetic to the other person's needs, though? Is it me, the infertile, or my friend, the happily pregnant woman?
In my opinion, there are two answers to this question. If the friend doesn't know about my infertility, the burden would fall squarely on my shoulders to either explain the situation (that I was happy for her, but going through my own fertility struggles, so I might not be able to participate in all the baby-related conversations and events) or to just "suck it up and deal." In this situation, I don't think it would be fair for me, or any infertile woman, to break off the friendship without any explanation. A real friend doesn't do something like that.
In my case, however, almost all of my friends know that we're having trouble conceiving. So who does the burden fall on under these circumstances? I think it's on both of us. I have the burden to offer a newly pregnant friend my congratulations, but as my friend, she has the obligation to tell me her news in a way that is sensitive to my situation. This is where I think a lot of fertile/infertile communication breaks down because it's assumed that good news automatically trumps bad news or a bad situation. No matter how down in the dumps you are, you're expected to smile and be happy when something good happens to someone else. Any other reaction gets you a "bitch" or "bad friend" label. Friendship is about empathy and support, though, and if your friends can't be supportive when you're going through a major life crisis (like infertility) why should you have to be supportive when they're going through an equally major positive life change (like pregnancy)?
It seems so obvious, and yet it's something that so few people truly seem to understand. As I've mentioned before I frequent a number of pregnancy and fertility-related message boards. At this point I actually have a canned reply to anyone who dares to complain about how their infertile friend doesn't want to hang out with them since their pregnancy announcement. It shocks me that these "friends" can't see past their own noses for two seconds to consider that the person they're currently whining about is going through one of the biggest crises of her life. A crisis that calls into question very basic assumptions we all make about what it means to be a woman, what our goals for our future are, and to what lengths we're willing to go just to become mothers. What kind of a friend doesn't have empathy for that kind of pain? To use an analogy I recently heard, it would be like flaunting your engagement in front of a woman who's recently been widowed. No friend would do that, and no friend should flaunt her fertility or pregnancy in front of an infertile friend, or blame that friend for not being able to be overjoyed at the pregnancy news.
Most of the time, however, this isn't what pregnant "friends" of infertiles want to hear. They want to hear that they're right, that their friend is being selfish, and that even infertility shouldn't stand in the way of planning a BFF's baby shower complete with diaper cake. Some do listen, though, and those are the friends all infertile women wish we had. Those women want to be good friends, even if it means not being able to share the daily joys and sorrows of pregnancy with someone close to them. I'm fortunate to have a number of fertile friends who "get it", and I hope that when they read this they understand why. Friendship has to go both ways, or it was never a real friendship to begin with.
The sad thing is, this isn't the kind of issue that will ever really be resolved. There will always be "friends" who are just too clueless to realize how badly you're hurting, and ones whose knee jerk reaction when you don't jump for joy that they're having a baby after just one month of trying is to call you selfish and mean. All any of us can do is to try to talk about why that's really not the case, and to surround ourselves with only the people we trust to understand our pain and mixed emotions as well as possible. In the end, those are only friendships that are worth having anyway.
Happy Sunday
I can't remember when I last felt this relaxed and satisfied with the direction of my life.
-Grad school? Starting in three weeks.
-Job? Sending in applications to all the local districts tomorrow.
-Marriage? Very happy, especially now that J has weekends off and is spending MUCH more time at home.
-Pets? Not exactly best friends, but Jasper hasn't chased the cats in nearly 24 hours, so that's something.
-Weather? It hasn't rained all day.
-Infertility? My appointment with New OB/GYN Version 2.0 is scheduled for Wednesday morning.
All in all, life is pretty good at the moment. Of course, that's all subject to change at any point, but at least for the moment things are really going my way. I'm even a little optimistic that we've got a real shot at getting some answers this month about what exactly is causing our infertility. At the very least, we'll probably be able to make a decision about whether or not it's time to start treatments at a civilian clinic.
-Grad school? Starting in three weeks.
-Job? Sending in applications to all the local districts tomorrow.
-Marriage? Very happy, especially now that J has weekends off and is spending MUCH more time at home.
-Pets? Not exactly best friends, but Jasper hasn't chased the cats in nearly 24 hours, so that's something.
-Weather? It hasn't rained all day.
-Infertility? My appointment with New OB/GYN Version 2.0 is scheduled for Wednesday morning.
All in all, life is pretty good at the moment. Of course, that's all subject to change at any point, but at least for the moment things are really going my way. I'm even a little optimistic that we've got a real shot at getting some answers this month about what exactly is causing our infertility. At the very least, we'll probably be able to make a decision about whether or not it's time to start treatments at a civilian clinic.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
How does this make sense???
So, tonight J and I went back-to-school shopping. I needed supplies for my classes (which start on the 26th!) and he wanted to look at computer toys. It's tax-free weekend here because school is starting soon, and there have been ads everywhere about how you should do your school shopping this weekend because there are no taxes on the "essentials". I stupidly assumed that those essentials included school supplies, since pens and paper are sort of...essential when you get to the classroom.
Imagine my surprise when we got to the checkout and the clerk charged us tax on my notebook, pens, day planner, and post-it notes. I asked her about it, and apparently only clothing and shoes are included in the "essential" tax-free items.
I'm sorry, but WTF? If the true intention of this program is to help families afford all of the things they need when kids go back to school (and to help stimulate the local economy) doesn't it make sense to extend the deal to actual school supplies?
Anyway, that's what's annoying me tonight. In other news, downtown residents were allowed to return home today, and while there has been some more flooding due to an overflowing dam in another part of town, we've only had a little more rain, so things are maybe starting to improve.
Imagine my surprise when we got to the checkout and the clerk charged us tax on my notebook, pens, day planner, and post-it notes. I asked her about it, and apparently only clothing and shoes are included in the "essential" tax-free items.
I'm sorry, but WTF? If the true intention of this program is to help families afford all of the things they need when kids go back to school (and to help stimulate the local economy) doesn't it make sense to extend the deal to actual school supplies?
Anyway, that's what's annoying me tonight. In other news, downtown residents were allowed to return home today, and while there has been some more flooding due to an overflowing dam in another part of town, we've only had a little more rain, so things are maybe starting to improve.
Friday, August 04, 2006
More flooding
According to CNN downtown has been evacuated because city officials are worried that the dam could break. There are a lot of evacuations further south as well. We got more rain last night, but aside from the still-leaking garage ceiling, our house appears to be fine. We're not close to downtown (we're on the West side, downtown is Central) so I'm not concerned about being evacuated.
Please keep your fingers and toes crossed that we don't get more rain today, and that the dam doesn't break.
Please keep your fingers and toes crossed that we don't get more rain today, and that the dam doesn't break.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Taggy
I've been tagged for a meme by the lovely and talented blog-mistress of Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters. So, without futher ado:
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Babysitter to two of the brattiest kids on earth
2. Bookseller at a major bookstore chain (a job I kept for six freaking years)
3. Hostess at Marie Callendar's (I lasted three days)
4. Manager of a national financial education campaign (a job I kept for three years and still sort of have in spite of the fact that I can't add)
Four movies I watch over and over:
1. Star Wars
2. Notting Hill
3. The first two Horatio Hornblower miniseries (not really a movie, but I've seen them approximately 9,000,567 times)
4. Where the Heart Is
Four places I have lived:
1. Salt Lake City, UT
2. Washington, DC
3. Germantown, MD
Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. The Daily Show
3. Project Runway
4. The Simpsons
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Greece
2. San Francisco
3. Williamsburg, VA
4. Moab, UT
Four websites I visit daily:
1. Amalah.com
2. washingtonpost.com
3. dooce.com
4. Yahoo
Four of my favorite foods:
1. mushrooms
2. mac and cheese (the real kind, with cream and shredded cheddar)
3. California rolls
4. Pad Thai
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Tahiti
2. Washington, DC (so I could have lunch with my girlfriends)
3. at the doctor's office (how sad is this one?)
4. getting a pedicure
Four favorite bands/singers:
1. Pete Yorn
2. Ben Harper
3. U2
4. Howie Day
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Babysitter to two of the brattiest kids on earth
2. Bookseller at a major bookstore chain (a job I kept for six freaking years)
3. Hostess at Marie Callendar's (I lasted three days)
4. Manager of a national financial education campaign (a job I kept for three years and still sort of have in spite of the fact that I can't add)
Four movies I watch over and over:
1. Star Wars
2. Notting Hill
3. The first two Horatio Hornblower miniseries (not really a movie, but I've seen them approximately 9,000,567 times)
4. Where the Heart Is
Four places I have lived:
1. Salt Lake City, UT
2. Washington, DC
3. Germantown, MD
Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. The Daily Show
3. Project Runway
4. The Simpsons
Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Greece
2. San Francisco
3. Williamsburg, VA
4. Moab, UT
Four websites I visit daily:
1. Amalah.com
2. washingtonpost.com
3. dooce.com
4. Yahoo
Four of my favorite foods:
1. mushrooms
2. mac and cheese (the real kind, with cream and shredded cheddar)
3. California rolls
4. Pad Thai
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Tahiti
2. Washington, DC (so I could have lunch with my girlfriends)
3. at the doctor's office (how sad is this one?)
4. getting a pedicure
Four favorite bands/singers:
1. Pete Yorn
2. Ben Harper
3. U2
4. Howie Day
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
More Flood Photos
Here are a few pictures I took while running errands this afternoon. It looks like our neighborhood escaped severe storm damage, but clearly that's not the case elsehwere.
This is a brand-new Blockbuster Video store, and you can see that the foundation actually cracked in half due to the storm. I wish I'd gotten a wider shot of the store, becuase it's literally split in two.
This is the sidewalk on the other side of the Blockbuster. Just amazing.
A small landslide above our old apartment complex.
And finally, remember the dumpster from yesterday's picture? I think this is where it ended up. Right in the middle of the road.
This is a brand-new Blockbuster Video store, and you can see that the foundation actually cracked in half due to the storm. I wish I'd gotten a wider shot of the store, becuase it's literally split in two.
This is the sidewalk on the other side of the Blockbuster. Just amazing.
A small landslide above our old apartment complex.
And finally, remember the dumpster from yesterday's picture? I think this is where it ended up. Right in the middle of the road.
Drying Out
The city is drying out this morning after yesterday's massive storm. I'm heading out to run some errands later today and will try to get some pictures. From what I've seen on the news, most of the streets are passable, and the DOT was out all night clearing debris from the freeway and major side streets.
I still can't believe how much flooding there was. Thankfully there don't seen to be many injuries, and miraculously there are no reported deaths in the city and only one so far further south.
I still can't believe how much flooding there was. Thankfully there don't seen to be many injuries, and miraculously there are no reported deaths in the city and only one so far further south.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
The Great Flood of 2006
I figured that I'd start a new post with pictures of the flood since the last one was getting a little long. In short, the city is a disaster. There are reports of homes that were completely submerged earlier today, roads are crumbling into arroyos, and businesses all over are flooded. It's a nightmare. The National Guard is activating tomorrow to help with the cleanup, but we have rain in the forecast for the next 3-4 days.
Our home is still fine. The storm drain at the bottom of the street appears to be doing its job, and aside from the leak in our garage and some worrisome pooling around the foundation at the front of the house, we're just fine. J made it home around 3:00 and we've been checking up on friends for a good part of the afternoon. Quite a few of them have been evacuated or have serious water damage to their homes.
Some of the worst flooding has happened right in our old neighborhood. The photo below (taken off the TV, so apologies for the horrible glare) is of the main street our apartment complex was on, and this is just a half mile from that complex. The road just collapsed into an arroyo, taking the red truck at the bottom of the screen along with it. The driver was able to get out before it fell, but that's at least a 15-20 foot drop!
This is a series of pictures, also off the TV, showing a dumpster as it's swept away. This is right next to the grocery store where I bought groceries yesterday. Very scary.
Our home is still fine. The storm drain at the bottom of the street appears to be doing its job, and aside from the leak in our garage and some worrisome pooling around the foundation at the front of the house, we're just fine. J made it home around 3:00 and we've been checking up on friends for a good part of the afternoon. Quite a few of them have been evacuated or have serious water damage to their homes.
Some of the worst flooding has happened right in our old neighborhood. The photo below (taken off the TV, so apologies for the horrible glare) is of the main street our apartment complex was on, and this is just a half mile from that complex. The road just collapsed into an arroyo, taking the red truck at the bottom of the screen along with it. The driver was able to get out before it fell, but that's at least a 15-20 foot drop!
This is a series of pictures, also off the TV, showing a dumpster as it's swept away. This is right next to the grocery store where I bought groceries yesterday. Very scary.
Flood Warning
Monsoon season is unquestionably here. It rained all last night, and has been pouring all morning. It's not supposed to stop until late tonight, by which point I can't imagine what the city is going to look like. The main problem is that we've had rain for the last few days, so the ground is totally saturated. The news stations keep saying that this isn't normal monsoon season weather, which makes me feel a little bit better. I couldn't imagine having this much rain every summer for the next 3-4 years.
Thankfully we live at the top of a little hill, and our street is one of the very few that actually has a storm drain. I'm a little worried about some areas where the rain is pooling around our foundation, but there's not a whole lot to do about it at this point.
Here's a photo from our local newspaper showing a street on our side of town:
Keep your fingers crossed that we all stay dry indoors today!
***EDITED 12:05 pm--the garage ceiling is leaking, and I think it's coming in from the balcony off our bedroom. This storm is just crazy. Some streets have up to 5 feet of water right now, and the rain isn't stopping. We've gotten over 4.6 inches of rain in the last 24 hours, most of that in the last 12 hours. I'm officially freaked out.
***EDITED 12:45 pm--I just saw some footage of one of my favorite grocery stores on the news. The store is completely flooded with mud and water. I was just there yesterday! This is a crazy storm, and I'll be VERY surprised if J is able to make it home tonight. There are just too many flooded streets between the hospital and our home.
***EDITED 2:30 pm--J is coming home. He's going to go all the way up noth and then loop back around to the West side of the city where we live. I wish he'd just stay overnight at the hospital, but he's determined to get back here. NBC is reporting that the river has overflowed just south of the city.
Here are a few pictures I took of the newscast I've been glued to all day. We are so, SO lucky that our street has a storm drain. I can't even imagine how bad things would be otherwise.
This is actually just down the street from where we used to live--very scary!
One section of the freeway, not too far from here
One of the scarier images--this is a section of the freeway Juan takes every day to get to work. If he'd left a few hours later this morning, he would still be stuck right here.
Our backyard--you can see that we've got some minor flooding on the patio, but nothing near what we could have. I feel enormously blessed that we're not having more problems. Given how many inches of rain have fallen in the last 48 hours (nearly 6 inches!!!) it's amazing that this is as bad as it's gotten.
***EDITED 4:30 pm--Juan got home around an hour ago, and thankfully the rain has slowed down considerably. The streets are still bad all over town, and the news is predicting another 1-3 inches tonight, but the worst appears to be over. It's been 30 years since El Paso had a storm anything like this. All I know is that the last 24 hours have been worse than even the hurricane that we lived through in Maryland back in 2003. I never expected to see a storm like this after moving to the desert.
Thankfully we live at the top of a little hill, and our street is one of the very few that actually has a storm drain. I'm a little worried about some areas where the rain is pooling around our foundation, but there's not a whole lot to do about it at this point.
Here's a photo from our local newspaper showing a street on our side of town:
Keep your fingers crossed that we all stay dry indoors today!
***EDITED 12:05 pm--the garage ceiling is leaking, and I think it's coming in from the balcony off our bedroom. This storm is just crazy. Some streets have up to 5 feet of water right now, and the rain isn't stopping. We've gotten over 4.6 inches of rain in the last 24 hours, most of that in the last 12 hours. I'm officially freaked out.
***EDITED 12:45 pm--I just saw some footage of one of my favorite grocery stores on the news. The store is completely flooded with mud and water. I was just there yesterday! This is a crazy storm, and I'll be VERY surprised if J is able to make it home tonight. There are just too many flooded streets between the hospital and our home.
***EDITED 2:30 pm--J is coming home. He's going to go all the way up noth and then loop back around to the West side of the city where we live. I wish he'd just stay overnight at the hospital, but he's determined to get back here. NBC is reporting that the river has overflowed just south of the city.
Here are a few pictures I took of the newscast I've been glued to all day. We are so, SO lucky that our street has a storm drain. I can't even imagine how bad things would be otherwise.
This is actually just down the street from where we used to live--very scary!
One section of the freeway, not too far from here
One of the scarier images--this is a section of the freeway Juan takes every day to get to work. If he'd left a few hours later this morning, he would still be stuck right here.
Our backyard--you can see that we've got some minor flooding on the patio, but nothing near what we could have. I feel enormously blessed that we're not having more problems. Given how many inches of rain have fallen in the last 48 hours (nearly 6 inches!!!) it's amazing that this is as bad as it's gotten.
***EDITED 4:30 pm--Juan got home around an hour ago, and thankfully the rain has slowed down considerably. The streets are still bad all over town, and the news is predicting another 1-3 inches tonight, but the worst appears to be over. It's been 30 years since El Paso had a storm anything like this. All I know is that the last 24 hours have been worse than even the hurricane that we lived through in Maryland back in 2003. I never expected to see a storm like this after moving to the desert.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Project: Grad Student
I was formally accepted into a graduate program earlier today! I received my letter from the program last Friday but didn't want to post anything here until I'd gotten my acceptance from the university as well.
Part of me is intensely freaked out by what I'm doing. If things go right, I could be teaching in a classroom later this month and taking classes myself at night. Everything depends on whether or not a school really, REALLY needs a teacher with my expertise since I'm not certified yet.
Aside from the panic over not really knowing what the hell I'd do in a classroom as a teacher, I'm also a little worried about the possibility that I'll get pregnant before the program is finished. It's not terribly likely, but it is possible, especially if the results from the endometrial biopsy tell us anything new. If we weren't struggling with infertility and had gotten pregnant during the first year we tried, I wouldn't have applied. Part of me is tempted to call it fate, and think of this program as something I was meant to do before we have kids, but I'm not completely convinced that this is true.
In any case, it's sort of a moot point because I'm in the program, classes start soon, and I've got a stack of teaching applications to fill out. Mostly I'm just really happy about this and can't wait to begin. I've missed being a student, and teaching is something that I've been wanting to do since before I graduated from college. I don't know if I'm "meant" to do this or not, but it feels like the start of something exciting, and that's all I really need.
Part of me is intensely freaked out by what I'm doing. If things go right, I could be teaching in a classroom later this month and taking classes myself at night. Everything depends on whether or not a school really, REALLY needs a teacher with my expertise since I'm not certified yet.
Aside from the panic over not really knowing what the hell I'd do in a classroom as a teacher, I'm also a little worried about the possibility that I'll get pregnant before the program is finished. It's not terribly likely, but it is possible, especially if the results from the endometrial biopsy tell us anything new. If we weren't struggling with infertility and had gotten pregnant during the first year we tried, I wouldn't have applied. Part of me is tempted to call it fate, and think of this program as something I was meant to do before we have kids, but I'm not completely convinced that this is true.
In any case, it's sort of a moot point because I'm in the program, classes start soon, and I've got a stack of teaching applications to fill out. Mostly I'm just really happy about this and can't wait to begin. I've missed being a student, and teaching is something that I've been wanting to do since before I graduated from college. I don't know if I'm "meant" to do this or not, but it feels like the start of something exciting, and that's all I really need.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Definitely Not Worst Case Scenario
Well, I'm back! The appointment with Dr. F went very well. There were a few tears (mine) when she asked if we'd tried relaxing, but overall she was very sweet and understanding. She backed WAY off with the "just relax" advice after I told her that not only had we relaxed, but we'd gone on vacation, I'd done accupuncture, and we spent $400 on my mind/body therapy class earlier this year. In the grand scheme of things, I think we've given "just relax" a fair shot, and now it's time to "just get some damn tests already".
Dr. F didn't completely agree with our reasoning about the endometrial biopsy. To her, my spotting issues (and for those keeping score at home, I'm now spotting for 11-12 days during my luteal phase) just screamed low progesterone in spite of the perfectly normal progesterone levels at my last blood draw. She really wanted to write a prescription for Clomid and see what happened, but when I explained my concerns about taking Clomid unmonitored she agreed to let me take progesterone suppositories (don't Google that, Dad) instead. We'll do more bloodwork next month to see if I really need them.
This next part will forever enshrine Dr. F in my Awesome Medical Professionals Hall of Fame. Even though she didn't think it was necessary, she offered to do the biopsy because I wanted it so much. There was a free appointment at 1:00, and did I want to do the biopsy today?
I almost kissed her. This sort of thing NEVER happens in the military medical system. Most of the time you have to wait weeks for any type of appointment because the clinics are so overbooked that they just can't squeeze you in any earlier. She wrote a prescription for some Percoset, sent me upstairs to J's office to relax for an hour, and then she performed the biopsy.
It hurt. Not as much as my HSG, but it hurt. She got a nice, big sample, though, and I should have the results back sometime next week. Our follow-up appointment is August 9. Unfortunately it's not going to be with her because the Army is transferring her to another hospital. Oh well. It's disappointing that I found a doctor I really clicked with only to have her leave after one appointment, but I'll survive.
Now we're home, and I'm curled up on the couch with Jasper and feeling pretty good about things. I'm nauseous as hell from the Percoset, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that we're finally back on track to figure out just exactly what's going on. I'll take pain and nausea any day if it gets me just one step closer to having a baby.
Dr. F didn't completely agree with our reasoning about the endometrial biopsy. To her, my spotting issues (and for those keeping score at home, I'm now spotting for 11-12 days during my luteal phase) just screamed low progesterone in spite of the perfectly normal progesterone levels at my last blood draw. She really wanted to write a prescription for Clomid and see what happened, but when I explained my concerns about taking Clomid unmonitored she agreed to let me take progesterone suppositories (don't Google that, Dad) instead. We'll do more bloodwork next month to see if I really need them.
This next part will forever enshrine Dr. F in my Awesome Medical Professionals Hall of Fame. Even though she didn't think it was necessary, she offered to do the biopsy because I wanted it so much. There was a free appointment at 1:00, and did I want to do the biopsy today?
I almost kissed her. This sort of thing NEVER happens in the military medical system. Most of the time you have to wait weeks for any type of appointment because the clinics are so overbooked that they just can't squeeze you in any earlier. She wrote a prescription for some Percoset, sent me upstairs to J's office to relax for an hour, and then she performed the biopsy.
It hurt. Not as much as my HSG, but it hurt. She got a nice, big sample, though, and I should have the results back sometime next week. Our follow-up appointment is August 9. Unfortunately it's not going to be with her because the Army is transferring her to another hospital. Oh well. It's disappointing that I found a doctor I really clicked with only to have her leave after one appointment, but I'll survive.
Now we're home, and I'm curled up on the couch with Jasper and feeling pretty good about things. I'm nauseous as hell from the Percoset, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that we're finally back on track to figure out just exactly what's going on. I'll take pain and nausea any day if it gets me just one step closer to having a baby.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Butterflies...
I'm getting really nervous about my OB/GYN appointment tomorrow. Best case scenario is that I love the doctor, he listens to our concerns, agrees that I need the biopsy, and can schedule it for sometime next week.
Worst case scenario is making me very anxious, though. What if this doctor is another in the long line of crappy medical professionals I've seen in the last four months? What if he's like the nurse at my old RE's office who was insulting and demeaning? Or the dumber-than-dumb internist I saw earlier this month? What if I hate him?
I know I shouldn't worry like this. If I hate him, we'll just find another OB/GYN in the practice, or even possibly go civilian. It'll cost more, but it's not like we're expecting to get out of this infertility hell with our savings intact. I just want to like him so much! I want to finally trust a doctor again. I want to have some hope that we'll get through this.
The appointment is at 11:30 tomorrow morning, so I won't be back with a report until 1:00 at the earliest. Any good appointment vibes you can send my way would be greatly appreciated!
Worst case scenario is making me very anxious, though. What if this doctor is another in the long line of crappy medical professionals I've seen in the last four months? What if he's like the nurse at my old RE's office who was insulting and demeaning? Or the dumber-than-dumb internist I saw earlier this month? What if I hate him?
I know I shouldn't worry like this. If I hate him, we'll just find another OB/GYN in the practice, or even possibly go civilian. It'll cost more, but it's not like we're expecting to get out of this infertility hell with our savings intact. I just want to like him so much! I want to finally trust a doctor again. I want to have some hope that we'll get through this.
The appointment is at 11:30 tomorrow morning, so I won't be back with a report until 1:00 at the earliest. Any good appointment vibes you can send my way would be greatly appreciated!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
The end of civilization as we know it?
Is anyone else totally creeped out by the ads for this refrigerator?
A TV? In the fridge? For the love of puppies and kittens, WHY??? What sick, twisted design team was trying to come up with a new gimmick to make people pay $$$ on kitchen appliances and came up with the idea to just put a TV in the door? More to the point, who's buying these things?
Maybe I've just been watching too much TV in the last couple of months, but every time I see this ad I get irritated. Whatever happened to family time at dinner? Whatever happened to having actual conversations with your spouse and kids? Conversations that don't include a running commentary on the latest episode of your favorite TV show?
There's just something very, very wrong here.
A TV? In the fridge? For the love of puppies and kittens, WHY??? What sick, twisted design team was trying to come up with a new gimmick to make people pay $$$ on kitchen appliances and came up with the idea to just put a TV in the door? More to the point, who's buying these things?
Maybe I've just been watching too much TV in the last couple of months, but every time I see this ad I get irritated. Whatever happened to family time at dinner? Whatever happened to having actual conversations with your spouse and kids? Conversations that don't include a running commentary on the latest episode of your favorite TV show?
There's just something very, very wrong here.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Moving Forward
Friday's the day we really start the infertility testing in earnest again. I have an appointment with an OB/GYN who supposedly has some experience with IF patients, although this is according to his scheduler so I'm taking it with a grain of salt. We're going to push for an endometrial biopsy to see if we can't figure just what the hell is going wrong every cycle and causing my luteal phase spotting.
I'm both excited and nervous. Excited because we've been in a holding pattern just waiting for this appointment since May, and nervous because I don't think I can handle another crappy doctor who treats me like a crazy person. I'm very glad that Juan will probably be able to make the appointment since I think it'll be harder for the doctor to blow me off with my very own MD sitting there next to me, pushing for this biopsy.
In the end, though, I can't wait for Friday to come around. I can't wait to start trying to solve this problem. I especially can't wait to start trying to conceive again. Our break this month has been great, and I've felt much more optimistic about life in general than I have in a quite awhile, but my arms are still empty and my heart still has a baby-shaped hole in it.
I'm ready to move forward.
I'm both excited and nervous. Excited because we've been in a holding pattern just waiting for this appointment since May, and nervous because I don't think I can handle another crappy doctor who treats me like a crazy person. I'm very glad that Juan will probably be able to make the appointment since I think it'll be harder for the doctor to blow me off with my very own MD sitting there next to me, pushing for this biopsy.
In the end, though, I can't wait for Friday to come around. I can't wait to start trying to solve this problem. I especially can't wait to start trying to conceive again. Our break this month has been great, and I've felt much more optimistic about life in general than I have in a quite awhile, but my arms are still empty and my heart still has a baby-shaped hole in it.
I'm ready to move forward.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
10 Weird Things About Me
Taking a break from the pet-related posts, here are 10 weird things about me.
1) Back in college I had very specific things I ate for dinner every single day. I can remember which year it was based on what I was eating at the time. Freshman year it was broccoli and cheddar Lipton rice packets. Sophomore year it was microwave bowls of spiral mac and cheese. Junior year it was spaghetti. Senior year it was regular Kraft mac and cheese. I'm fairly sure that my roommate for three of those four years hates me a little bit for my OCD eating.
2) I pluck my eyebrows obsessively. If I feel a stray hair coming out, I'll rush to the bathroom to pluck it. Even if I'm in the middle of doing something else. The only time I won't do this is in public, but I have been known to do it at work.
3) I hate removing nail polish. HATE it. I have no idea why, but I still have polish on my toes from back in May. Before our move. I know it looks horrible, and I know I should at least take it off (and preferably put new polish on since I live in my sandals this time of year) but I just hate doing it.
4) I want to get pregnant and have a baby more than anything else in the world, but sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be a good mother. I doubt I could be as good as my own mom was. I worry about that.
5) For some unknown reason, I sometimes type an extra "e" at the end of words that don't end in "e". For example, I just caught that I typed "spaghettie" instead of "spaghetti" up above.
6) I love superhero movies. Love them. I have no idea why, especially since fight scenes bore me.
7) I once owned ever Star Wars novel ever published. Thankfully I grew out of that phase after high school and have whittled down my collection to just the "must haves". They still take up an entire shelf in one of my bookcases.
8) It took me two hours to pick which books I was going to put on the bookshelves in the guest bedroom and which ones I was going to put on the shelves in the loft. If we ever have a big party, I assume that people will hang out in the loft and I want them to think that we read interesting/impressive books. I don't think that my complete collection of Diana Gabaldon romances would impress anyone.
9) I didn't realize J and I were dating until we'd gone out 3-4 times. In my defense, those first few "dates" could have been just two friends hanging out. In Juan's defense, I was pretty dense about how much he liked me.
10) I'm a person with mixed dominance, which means that I do some things with my left hand and some things with my right hand. For example, I write and eat with my left hand, but throw a ball with my right. Because of this, when I try a new activity (particularly a new sport) I have to try doing it with each hand before I figure out which one works the best. I still have no idea which is my dominant hand when playing golf. I gave up after one lesson.
1) Back in college I had very specific things I ate for dinner every single day. I can remember which year it was based on what I was eating at the time. Freshman year it was broccoli and cheddar Lipton rice packets. Sophomore year it was microwave bowls of spiral mac and cheese. Junior year it was spaghetti. Senior year it was regular Kraft mac and cheese. I'm fairly sure that my roommate for three of those four years hates me a little bit for my OCD eating.
2) I pluck my eyebrows obsessively. If I feel a stray hair coming out, I'll rush to the bathroom to pluck it. Even if I'm in the middle of doing something else. The only time I won't do this is in public, but I have been known to do it at work.
3) I hate removing nail polish. HATE it. I have no idea why, but I still have polish on my toes from back in May. Before our move. I know it looks horrible, and I know I should at least take it off (and preferably put new polish on since I live in my sandals this time of year) but I just hate doing it.
4) I want to get pregnant and have a baby more than anything else in the world, but sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be a good mother. I doubt I could be as good as my own mom was. I worry about that.
5) For some unknown reason, I sometimes type an extra "e" at the end of words that don't end in "e". For example, I just caught that I typed "spaghettie" instead of "spaghetti" up above.
6) I love superhero movies. Love them. I have no idea why, especially since fight scenes bore me.
7) I once owned ever Star Wars novel ever published. Thankfully I grew out of that phase after high school and have whittled down my collection to just the "must haves". They still take up an entire shelf in one of my bookcases.
8) It took me two hours to pick which books I was going to put on the bookshelves in the guest bedroom and which ones I was going to put on the shelves in the loft. If we ever have a big party, I assume that people will hang out in the loft and I want them to think that we read interesting/impressive books. I don't think that my complete collection of Diana Gabaldon romances would impress anyone.
9) I didn't realize J and I were dating until we'd gone out 3-4 times. In my defense, those first few "dates" could have been just two friends hanging out. In Juan's defense, I was pretty dense about how much he liked me.
10) I'm a person with mixed dominance, which means that I do some things with my left hand and some things with my right hand. For example, I write and eat with my left hand, but throw a ball with my right. Because of this, when I try a new activity (particularly a new sport) I have to try doing it with each hand before I figure out which one works the best. I still have no idea which is my dominant hand when playing golf. I gave up after one lesson.
Blech Part II
Scratch that last post, I think I'm getting sick. That would explain the general ickiness and malaise I'm feeling. Plus I have a temperature.
Blech
I feel icky. Not getting-sick icky, and not dirty icky, just icky. I'm bored, I'm frustrated about a number of things (J's insane schedule and the BS our old apartment complex is trying to pull with our refund to name a few) and I just don't feel motivated or inspired lately. I'm fairly sure that this is just a passing ickiness, one that has happened before and will probably happen again, but right now I'm just stuck.
I'm also feeling a fair amount of guilt about how stressed out the cats seem. Arcadia spent all day yesterday (and all day today, from the looks of it) in the upstairs bathroom windowsill. I'm not even sure she had anything to drink or eat in spite of the fact that there's food and water for her and Codi on the second floor. She was so brave on Monday, coming downstairs to investigate Jasper and even hopping up on the bed for attention when he was in the bedroom. Now she just seems content to be antisocial, and I hate that my friendly girl doesn't want my attention.
So, blech. And ick. I know the cats will be okay. They'll cope. Heck, Codi's WAY better today than she was yesterday. And I'll be okay. Maybe I just need to drink more water. It helps to see how happy Jasper is to finally have a home and a family of his own. It also helps that J got his call schedule for August and discovered that he's not on call for the whole month. If that's not reason to celebrate, I'm not sure what is. For now, though, if I'm not posting much it's just because I don't have anything to say other than blech. And ick.
I'm also feeling a fair amount of guilt about how stressed out the cats seem. Arcadia spent all day yesterday (and all day today, from the looks of it) in the upstairs bathroom windowsill. I'm not even sure she had anything to drink or eat in spite of the fact that there's food and water for her and Codi on the second floor. She was so brave on Monday, coming downstairs to investigate Jasper and even hopping up on the bed for attention when he was in the bedroom. Now she just seems content to be antisocial, and I hate that my friendly girl doesn't want my attention.
So, blech. And ick. I know the cats will be okay. They'll cope. Heck, Codi's WAY better today than she was yesterday. And I'll be okay. Maybe I just need to drink more water. It helps to see how happy Jasper is to finally have a home and a family of his own. It also helps that J got his call schedule for August and discovered that he's not on call for the whole month. If that's not reason to celebrate, I'm not sure what is. For now, though, if I'm not posting much it's just because I don't have anything to say other than blech. And ick.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Jasper: Day Two
For a dog who was in a shelter yesterday, Jasper has settled right in to life here. He's currently snuggling up next to me on the couch, enjoying a belly rub. He was a perfect angel in his crate last night (minus one small accident) and hasn't made a peep when the cats come out to investigate. He watches them, but doesn't try to approach them or bark. From my perspective, this is a VERY good sign of how he's going to act when we let him off the leash inside the house.
The cats are somewhat less laid-back about Jasper's presence than he is about theirs. Codi has spent most of the day on top of the refrigerator and Arcadia is electing to live behind the washing machine. I can't say that I blame them for being freaked out, but hopefully over the next week or so they'll stop hiding and start relaxing a bit.
Tomorrow we visit the vet to make sure that Jasper's a healthy boy, and then get him signed up for some obedience classes.
And now for an obligatory AWWWWWWW puppy picture. This was Jasper and Juan, napping together yesterday afternoon.
The cats are somewhat less laid-back about Jasper's presence than he is about theirs. Codi has spent most of the day on top of the refrigerator and Arcadia is electing to live behind the washing machine. I can't say that I blame them for being freaked out, but hopefully over the next week or so they'll stop hiding and start relaxing a bit.
Tomorrow we visit the vet to make sure that Jasper's a healthy boy, and then get him signed up for some obedience classes.
And now for an obligatory AWWWWWWW puppy picture. This was Jasper and Juan, napping together yesterday afternoon.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Jasper
So, remember this post? Well, I'd like to introduce you to someone...
Meet Jasper!
J and I had a long talk yesterday and decided that we'd start looking for a dog. Our original plan was to wait until October, but we realized that:
A: we're essentially settled in the house already,
B: the cats are NEVER going to be ready for a dog, so there's really no point in waiting on their account, and
C: I'm not going to be working from home forever, and at least now I can spend all day with the three animals, sorting out any conflicts and making the newest member of our family feel at home.
Then today J's attending physician told him to leave early because he worked too many hours last week. After he got home we both had the same thought--head down to PetSmart to check out their weekly adoption fair. The first dog we saw was Jasper, and we both fell in love. He was quiet but friendly, and when all the other dogs started barking at a terrier that was walking by, he stayed quiet. Interested, but quiet. His foster family listed him as good with cats and kids, and after spending some time with him, we were both sold. An hour later we were dog owners!
So far, so good. The cats are reacting about as well as can be expected. They're still in pretty heavy denial that anything unusual is happening, but are starting to sloooowly approach him to investigate. For his part, Jasper perks up when they're around, but so far hasn't made any moves towards them. My guess is that a week from now he'll be letting Arcadia boss him around just like Codi does.
I love this little guy so much already!
Meet Jasper!
J and I had a long talk yesterday and decided that we'd start looking for a dog. Our original plan was to wait until October, but we realized that:
A: we're essentially settled in the house already,
B: the cats are NEVER going to be ready for a dog, so there's really no point in waiting on their account, and
C: I'm not going to be working from home forever, and at least now I can spend all day with the three animals, sorting out any conflicts and making the newest member of our family feel at home.
Then today J's attending physician told him to leave early because he worked too many hours last week. After he got home we both had the same thought--head down to PetSmart to check out their weekly adoption fair. The first dog we saw was Jasper, and we both fell in love. He was quiet but friendly, and when all the other dogs started barking at a terrier that was walking by, he stayed quiet. Interested, but quiet. His foster family listed him as good with cats and kids, and after spending some time with him, we were both sold. An hour later we were dog owners!
So far, so good. The cats are reacting about as well as can be expected. They're still in pretty heavy denial that anything unusual is happening, but are starting to sloooowly approach him to investigate. For his part, Jasper perks up when they're around, but so far hasn't made any moves towards them. My guess is that a week from now he'll be letting Arcadia boss him around just like Codi does.
I love this little guy so much already!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
The cats now hate me very much
The official verdict from the vet is that Arcadia is a PITA, but she's a healthy PITA. Thank goodness. She's also a healthy PITA who now has a microchip embedded between her shoulder blades. If she or Codi (who also got 'chipped) ever escapes, any Humane Society in the country will be able to locate us through the tracking number on the chip.
It's pretty cool when you think about it, and given how much we'll probably be moving over the cats' lifetimes, it was something that needed to be done. Plus it's the law here.
I'm a big fan of the microchip, but the cats were slightly less impressed with it when the vet brought out the big ass needle that is used to embed it under their skin. It was probably the biggest needle I've ever seen, and they were not happy about it. Codi hissed at me and the vet, and Arcadia just whipped her head around and looked accusingly at me as if to say, "YOU'RE the reason my life is so hard!"
We're all home now, and both the cats are doing their best to pretend that I'm not here. Good for them. Personally, I would be only too happy to go another year before I have to wrestle them into their carrier again to visit the scary vet.
It's pretty cool when you think about it, and given how much we'll probably be moving over the cats' lifetimes, it was something that needed to be done. Plus it's the law here.
I'm a big fan of the microchip, but the cats were slightly less impressed with it when the vet brought out the big ass needle that is used to embed it under their skin. It was probably the biggest needle I've ever seen, and they were not happy about it. Codi hissed at me and the vet, and Arcadia just whipped her head around and looked accusingly at me as if to say, "YOU'RE the reason my life is so hard!"
We're all home now, and both the cats are doing their best to pretend that I'm not here. Good for them. Personally, I would be only too happy to go another year before I have to wrestle them into their carrier again to visit the scary vet.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Free to a good home
Anyone want a cat?
Apparently the novelty of having me home all day long has worn off for Arcadia, and she's driving me nuts. Specifically, every night at around 5:00 she decides that she's bored downstairs and wants to hang out upstairs. She's not going to go up there unless *I* go up there, though. Every day I decide to indulge her by going upstairs for awhile, usually waking up Codi (who would be perfectly content to never, ever leave the windowsill in the master bathroom) so she can entertain Arcadia for awhile. This works for maybe 20-30 minutes and then Arcadia is back downstairs with me, crying her head off.
She doesn't want to be petted. Doesn't want to play fetch even when I break out a fresh bottlecap. Doesn't want to do anything except sit right next to the couch and cry. She's driving me crazy, and aside from letting my cat force me to spend my day upstairs in bed (which, no) I don't know how to get her to stop doing it.
It's occurred to me that maybe she misses J. He's been pulling some really late nights at the hospital, and the transition between him not working at all to him being gone almost 24/7 has been rough on all of us. If that's the case, she'll just have to get used to it. I'm also SLIGHTLY concerned that she might be having bladder crystal problems again. We haven't gotten in to see a new vet yet, and this is kind of similar to what she was doing a few months ago when all of the couch peeing started. I'm really hoping that this isn't the case, and part of me says that we haven't had any "incidents" yet so I think it's unlikely.
Ugh. WHHHHHYYYY? Why must such a cute little kitty be so annoying???
Apparently the novelty of having me home all day long has worn off for Arcadia, and she's driving me nuts. Specifically, every night at around 5:00 she decides that she's bored downstairs and wants to hang out upstairs. She's not going to go up there unless *I* go up there, though. Every day I decide to indulge her by going upstairs for awhile, usually waking up Codi (who would be perfectly content to never, ever leave the windowsill in the master bathroom) so she can entertain Arcadia for awhile. This works for maybe 20-30 minutes and then Arcadia is back downstairs with me, crying her head off.
She doesn't want to be petted. Doesn't want to play fetch even when I break out a fresh bottlecap. Doesn't want to do anything except sit right next to the couch and cry. She's driving me crazy, and aside from letting my cat force me to spend my day upstairs in bed (which, no) I don't know how to get her to stop doing it.
It's occurred to me that maybe she misses J. He's been pulling some really late nights at the hospital, and the transition between him not working at all to him being gone almost 24/7 has been rough on all of us. If that's the case, she'll just have to get used to it. I'm also SLIGHTLY concerned that she might be having bladder crystal problems again. We haven't gotten in to see a new vet yet, and this is kind of similar to what she was doing a few months ago when all of the couch peeing started. I'm really hoping that this isn't the case, and part of me says that we haven't had any "incidents" yet so I think it's unlikely.
Ugh. WHHHHHYYYY? Why must such a cute little kitty be so annoying???
Monday, July 10, 2006
Mission Accomplished
I've had a VERY productive day. This morning I had my doctor's appointment, which was mostly a big waste of time since the sole purpose of the visit was to get me a referral to OB/GYN so they can start my infertility testing again. I did get the referral, though, and one of the nurses even gave me the name of an excellent local RE that she and her husband went to when they were having problems conceiving.
From there I finally went over to the university to drop off my application for the teaching program. I should hear back from them sometime this month. If I'm accepted I'll need to spend a week observing a classroom and then can start my own classes and look for a teaching job.
Speaking of jobs, I GOT ONE!!! My old boss from DC called me late last week and asked if I'd be interested in some part time contract work. I jumped at the opportunity, and can now officially call myself gainfully employed! It's only going to be 10-15 hours a week, and won't last forever, but at least it's something. I also applied for a position at Barnes and Noble today, which I should be a shoo-in for since I worked for the company for many, many years in high school and college.
From there I ran all over the mall to pick up odds and ends that we've been needing, and am now lounging on the couch at home waiting for Fed Ex to arrive with a packet of materials I need to start working. I'm just so happy that things are starting to fall into place.
From there I finally went over to the university to drop off my application for the teaching program. I should hear back from them sometime this month. If I'm accepted I'll need to spend a week observing a classroom and then can start my own classes and look for a teaching job.
Speaking of jobs, I GOT ONE!!! My old boss from DC called me late last week and asked if I'd be interested in some part time contract work. I jumped at the opportunity, and can now officially call myself gainfully employed! It's only going to be 10-15 hours a week, and won't last forever, but at least it's something. I also applied for a position at Barnes and Noble today, which I should be a shoo-in for since I worked for the company for many, many years in high school and college.
From there I ran all over the mall to pick up odds and ends that we've been needing, and am now lounging on the couch at home waiting for Fed Ex to arrive with a packet of materials I need to start working. I'm just so happy that things are starting to fall into place.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Officially on a break
We're taking a break this month. I'm tired of thinking about infertility, J's tired of thinking about infertility, and after 15 months it's time for us to give ourselves some time off.
Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment to start the IF testing process again. Cross your fingers for me that she doesn't make me wait another month to see an OB/GYN before I can get the endometrial biopsy. I'm afraid to get my hopes up that this doctor will be as wonderful as my PCP back in Maryland was, but she can't be worse than the craptastic REs who treated me during our last two months in DC. All I really want is to make it thorugh the appointment without bursting into tears (thus labeling me the crazy patient who can't keep her shit together in front of her husband's colleague) and for the doctor to be sympathetic to our situation and want to help us figure out what's wrong.
Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment to start the IF testing process again. Cross your fingers for me that she doesn't make me wait another month to see an OB/GYN before I can get the endometrial biopsy. I'm afraid to get my hopes up that this doctor will be as wonderful as my PCP back in Maryland was, but she can't be worse than the craptastic REs who treated me during our last two months in DC. All I really want is to make it thorugh the appointment without bursting into tears (thus labeling me the crazy patient who can't keep her shit together in front of her husband's colleague) and for the doctor to be sympathetic to our situation and want to help us figure out what's wrong.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Invasion!!!
THERE IS A SCORPION IN MY WASHING MACHINE!!!
Apparently last night's storm has brought them out in droves, and now I'm running my machine with Oxy Clean, Tide, and maybe a little bit of tequila in a (hopefully successful) attempt to kill this thing. Bleach would have been better, but alas, we have no bleach.
I have a feeling that our exterminator is going to be making a LOT of money from us in the next few months. Damn you, West Texas, and your lethal household pests!
***EDITED TO ADD: The exterminator soaked our baseboards in scorpion-killing-stuff (which is pet safe once it dries) and told me that while our neighborhood is "known" for scorpions, his company has had a lot of success in getting rid of them completely with monthly treatments.
Apparently last night's storm has brought them out in droves, and now I'm running my machine with Oxy Clean, Tide, and maybe a little bit of tequila in a (hopefully successful) attempt to kill this thing. Bleach would have been better, but alas, we have no bleach.
I have a feeling that our exterminator is going to be making a LOT of money from us in the next few months. Damn you, West Texas, and your lethal household pests!
***EDITED TO ADD: The exterminator soaked our baseboards in scorpion-killing-stuff (which is pet safe once it dries) and told me that while our neighborhood is "known" for scorpions, his company has had a lot of success in getting rid of them completely with monthly treatments.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Wait, are we back in DC?
Ho-ly crap. We had quite a downpour today. Actually, it was more like a flood.
Juan and I were out running errands all day and started driving home around 5:00. It's usually around a 20-25 minute drive to our home on the West side of town from where we were on the East side. It started raining as soon as we got in the car and this is how the roads looked 20 minutes later:
Photo courtesy of KFOX
Excuse me??? This is THE DESERT! Dry, high desert, where it costs a small fortune every month just to keep your grass green! I guess freak weather happens everywhere (the 1998 tornado in downtown Salt Lake City comes to mind) but I had no idea we'd ever have rain like this here.
At least we got off the roads fairly quickly and didn't have the problems that some people had. This picture was taken outside of town around the same time we finally made it home:
Photo courtesy of KFOX
At any rate, we're fortunate that there was no flooding in the house and no damage in the yard. And at least I won't have to drag out the sprinkler for awhile!
Juan and I were out running errands all day and started driving home around 5:00. It's usually around a 20-25 minute drive to our home on the West side of town from where we were on the East side. It started raining as soon as we got in the car and this is how the roads looked 20 minutes later:
Photo courtesy of KFOX
Excuse me??? This is THE DESERT! Dry, high desert, where it costs a small fortune every month just to keep your grass green! I guess freak weather happens everywhere (the 1998 tornado in downtown Salt Lake City comes to mind) but I had no idea we'd ever have rain like this here.
At least we got off the roads fairly quickly and didn't have the problems that some people had. This picture was taken outside of town around the same time we finally made it home:
Photo courtesy of KFOX
At any rate, we're fortunate that there was no flooding in the house and no damage in the yard. And at least I won't have to drag out the sprinkler for awhile!
Status Quo
I'm here, there's just nothing much going on lately that's worth writing about. My first doctor's appointment to start figuring out what's wrong with my body isn't until Monday, so until then I'm just twiddling my thumbs.
In non-thumb twidding news, I should be able to hand in my application to the teaching program next week when my last letter of recommendation arrives (thanks, Sharon!) so hopefully I'll be able to find a job quickly since I'm sure I'll need most of August to figure out just what the heck I'm doing in a classroom.
J had a good first week of work, but it's been exhausting. He leaves the house around 6:00 am and doesn't get home most nights until after 8:30. This month he's working in an intensive care unit, though, so next month when he's in an outpatient clinic the hours will be better. Today is his first day off, and I fully expect that he'll sleep through most of the day.
We're getting our ducks in a row for the trip to Denver next month for my parents 30th anniversary party/vow renewal, and I can't wait to see everyone. It's been years since I've been to visit my mom's family, and while I've seen all of them at weddings and various trips since then, I haven't seen my grandma's new condo or my cousin's new cats yet. The best part is that Juan was able to get a weekend off for the trip, so we'll be able to go together.
I guess this post has no theme except for "things that are happening sort of right now" so hopefully I'll be able to think of something vaguely interesting to write soon. Until then, hope everyone had a nice 4th of July!
In non-thumb twidding news, I should be able to hand in my application to the teaching program next week when my last letter of recommendation arrives (thanks, Sharon!) so hopefully I'll be able to find a job quickly since I'm sure I'll need most of August to figure out just what the heck I'm doing in a classroom.
J had a good first week of work, but it's been exhausting. He leaves the house around 6:00 am and doesn't get home most nights until after 8:30. This month he's working in an intensive care unit, though, so next month when he's in an outpatient clinic the hours will be better. Today is his first day off, and I fully expect that he'll sleep through most of the day.
We're getting our ducks in a row for the trip to Denver next month for my parents 30th anniversary party/vow renewal, and I can't wait to see everyone. It's been years since I've been to visit my mom's family, and while I've seen all of them at weddings and various trips since then, I haven't seen my grandma's new condo or my cousin's new cats yet. The best part is that Juan was able to get a weekend off for the trip, so we'll be able to go together.
I guess this post has no theme except for "things that are happening sort of right now" so hopefully I'll be able to think of something vaguely interesting to write soon. Until then, hope everyone had a nice 4th of July!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Low
It's another crappy evening. I'm tired, I'm hurting, and it doesn't seem like any of my support mechanisms are working at the moment. Part of that is my fault--sometimes I forget that other people can't read my thoughts and know when I need them to reach out to me. Part of it is this move because it's thrown so many things in my life into disarray that I have much more time to sit and think about my situation. Part of it is that I'm just mad and sad and hurting.
How do you tell someone that you need more support? That what they see as "being supportive" I see as "not putting in any effort at all and expecting me to tell them exactly what to do all the time"? I have no idea. I WANT support, I NEED it right now, and lately it's like all I'm getting is assvice and half-hearted attempts at empathy. Don't get me wrong--my friends and family have been great through most of this process, but it's fairly clear that a lot of them are just sick of hearing about it. Sick of me breaking down over seemingly random things. Sick of blog entries like this.
I think that what it really boils down to is that they're sick of me.
And I don't know how to fix that. Therapy? Paying someone to listen to me bitch and whine? My past experience trying to explain all of this to a therapist resulted in some of the assiest assvice I've ever received. I'm not interested in experiencing that again, and quite frankly I don't think that I'm clinically depressed. I'm situationally depressed, but I don't need therapy for that. I need the people in my life who love me to do a better job of loving me. To try to understand what I'm feeling. Because I would do it for them. Because I HAVE done it for them, and now it's my turn.
I don't even know if I'm going to post this.
How do you tell someone that you need more support? That what they see as "being supportive" I see as "not putting in any effort at all and expecting me to tell them exactly what to do all the time"? I have no idea. I WANT support, I NEED it right now, and lately it's like all I'm getting is assvice and half-hearted attempts at empathy. Don't get me wrong--my friends and family have been great through most of this process, but it's fairly clear that a lot of them are just sick of hearing about it. Sick of me breaking down over seemingly random things. Sick of blog entries like this.
I think that what it really boils down to is that they're sick of me.
And I don't know how to fix that. Therapy? Paying someone to listen to me bitch and whine? My past experience trying to explain all of this to a therapist resulted in some of the assiest assvice I've ever received. I'm not interested in experiencing that again, and quite frankly I don't think that I'm clinically depressed. I'm situationally depressed, but I don't need therapy for that. I need the people in my life who love me to do a better job of loving me. To try to understand what I'm feeling. Because I would do it for them. Because I HAVE done it for them, and now it's my turn.
I don't even know if I'm going to post this.
Friday, June 30, 2006
In Memory Of Evelyn
One year ago today, tragedy struck my friend Brandi's family. Her five-year-old niece, Evelyn Miller, went missing from her Iowa home. After days of searching, Evelyn was found murdered in a local river.
The investigation into Evelyn's death is still open, and her killer has yet to be arrested.
I didn't know Evelyn personally. Over the last year, though, I've heard so many stories of what a great kid she was. How much she loved her younger brothers, how she enjoyed spending time with Brandi and her husband Joe, and how much she loved getting to dress up as a flower girl in Brandi's wedding. She was a five-year-old girl whose life was cut tragically short, and whose family misses her every day.
A memorial fund has been set up in Evelyn's memory. The fund will be used to make donations to community programs in Evelyn's name. Anyone interested in making a donation can send it to:
Evelyn Miller Memorial Fund
First Security Bank & Trust
809 Clark St., PO Box 577
Charles City, IA 50616
Just call us Mr. and Mrs. Social Butterfly
What a week! J's team at the hospital has been having one social function after another this week, and we're kind of pooped! Wednesday night we went to a baseball game, last night it was a barbeque at his program supervisor's house, and tonight we're hosting a few friends from his medical school for a pre-start of internship dinner. Saturday he's officially an Intern, and I may not see him again for the next three years.
It's nice to be getting out so much, though. One of my biggest problems when I moved to DC was that I didn't meet many friends until we'd been there for over a year. That first year was tough, especially since I'd come from my hometown where I have a close-knit group of friends I've known since high school. Right now I'm spending a lot of time getting to know the wives of J's colleagues, and so far they all seem like really nice, down-to-earth women. I'm almost embarassed to say this, but I'm especially loving the group because only one of the intern's wives has kids. All the others are around my age and childless. After that first social function where I was the only woman there without a toddler or baby in tow (I later discovered that all the wives I met there were married to second or third year residents) I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to really hang out with or relate to any of the other wives in the program. Happily, that doesn't appear to be the case.
I'm liking this place more and more every day.
It's nice to be getting out so much, though. One of my biggest problems when I moved to DC was that I didn't meet many friends until we'd been there for over a year. That first year was tough, especially since I'd come from my hometown where I have a close-knit group of friends I've known since high school. Right now I'm spending a lot of time getting to know the wives of J's colleagues, and so far they all seem like really nice, down-to-earth women. I'm almost embarassed to say this, but I'm especially loving the group because only one of the intern's wives has kids. All the others are around my age and childless. After that first social function where I was the only woman there without a toddler or baby in tow (I later discovered that all the wives I met there were married to second or third year residents) I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to really hang out with or relate to any of the other wives in the program. Happily, that doesn't appear to be the case.
I'm liking this place more and more every day.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Meme
I've been tagged for a meme by Olympix, so the pressure is ON! ;-)
7 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1) Be a mom (well, duh)
2) Live in a foreign country
3) Visit Egypt
4) Learn to sew
5) Learn to cook (not just boil water)
6) Live in an urban area, not just in the suburbs
7) Become a teacher
7 Things I Can't Do
1) Get pregnant (HA!)
2) Cook
3) Sew (okay, okay, I'll think of some new things)
4) Calculus
5) The splits
6) Leave my husband alone when he's irritable
7) Break my internet habit
7 Things That Attracted Me to My Partner
1) His rugged good looks
2) The way he held the door open for me without even thinking twice about it--just did it out of habit.
3) His sense of humor
4) His laugh
5) The way he treated my friends like his friends
6) How much my cat liked him the first time he met her
7) How he's one of the only men on whom a buzz cut doesn't look weird
7 Books I Read Over and Over
1) High Tide in Tucson
2) Pride and Prejudice
3) Master and Commander
4) The Princess Diaries
5) Outlander
6) Good in Bed
7) Confessions of a Shopaholic
7 Movies That I Love
1) Beauty and the Beast
2) Good Will Hunting
3) Gone With the Wind
4) Ever After
5) The Incredibles
6) Notting Hill
7) Shrek
Okay, now I'm going to tag a few people. Ummm...
Jamila
Muffy
Erin
7 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1) Be a mom (well, duh)
2) Live in a foreign country
3) Visit Egypt
4) Learn to sew
5) Learn to cook (not just boil water)
6) Live in an urban area, not just in the suburbs
7) Become a teacher
7 Things I Can't Do
1) Get pregnant (HA!)
2) Cook
3) Sew (okay, okay, I'll think of some new things)
4) Calculus
5) The splits
6) Leave my husband alone when he's irritable
7) Break my internet habit
7 Things That Attracted Me to My Partner
1) His rugged good looks
2) The way he held the door open for me without even thinking twice about it--just did it out of habit.
3) His sense of humor
4) His laugh
5) The way he treated my friends like his friends
6) How much my cat liked him the first time he met her
7) How he's one of the only men on whom a buzz cut doesn't look weird
7 Books I Read Over and Over
1) High Tide in Tucson
2) Pride and Prejudice
3) Master and Commander
4) The Princess Diaries
5) Outlander
6) Good in Bed
7) Confessions of a Shopaholic
7 Movies That I Love
1) Beauty and the Beast
2) Good Will Hunting
3) Gone With the Wind
4) Ever After
5) The Incredibles
6) Notting Hill
7) Shrek
Okay, now I'm going to tag a few people. Ummm...
Jamila
Muffy
Erin
Random Thoughts on My Screwed-Up Body
Tonight's another rough night. I think I'm finally coming out of my moving-induced good mood and realizing that hey, I'm still not pregnant. I'm also having a hard time even booking an appointment with the doctor I need to see BEFORE I can get a gynecology consult, and my spotting is getting worse. A lot worse. It's actually been this way since I had my HSG, but I'd convinced myself for the last two cycles that it was stress-induced and that I'd go back to being "normal" after the move was over. Well, it's over and my cycle is still really screwed up.
I'm starting to have fantasies about giving up. About just saying "fuck it" and getting in touch with adoption agencies. I almost don't care about getting pregnant anymore, I just want to stop hurting so much. I just want to be able to go to a freaking baseball game with my husband and his colleagues and not get teary-eyed in the middle of the fourth inning because a couple with a baby sits down next to us.
I'm not really serious about giving up yet, but I'm getting close. J feels very strongly that it's important to figure out what's causing the spotting, just in case it's a more serious problem than infertility alone. I think he's right. I also think that I'm not the type of person who can go through this year after year. I knew a woman in DC who had been trying for three years. I couldn't do that. I couldn't take that many failed cycles or that much heartbreak.
So I'll keep plugging along. I'll keep pestering the hospital until I get my appointment. I'll probably nag Juan a few more times about getting a dog, just so I can have something small and needy to focus on during this process. And I'll probably post a lot more entries like this--generally frustrated and sad, but not being able to take any action towards fixing the problem just yet.
I'm starting to have fantasies about giving up. About just saying "fuck it" and getting in touch with adoption agencies. I almost don't care about getting pregnant anymore, I just want to stop hurting so much. I just want to be able to go to a freaking baseball game with my husband and his colleagues and not get teary-eyed in the middle of the fourth inning because a couple with a baby sits down next to us.
I'm not really serious about giving up yet, but I'm getting close. J feels very strongly that it's important to figure out what's causing the spotting, just in case it's a more serious problem than infertility alone. I think he's right. I also think that I'm not the type of person who can go through this year after year. I knew a woman in DC who had been trying for three years. I couldn't do that. I couldn't take that many failed cycles or that much heartbreak.
So I'll keep plugging along. I'll keep pestering the hospital until I get my appointment. I'll probably nag Juan a few more times about getting a dog, just so I can have something small and needy to focus on during this process. And I'll probably post a lot more entries like this--generally frustrated and sad, but not being able to take any action towards fixing the problem just yet.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Chapter 547 of "I am not a nice person and I am easily provoked"
I yelled at the carpet cleaning man today.
Since we're officially out of the temporary apartment this Friday, I had to arrange for professional carpet cleaning. It felt like a big waste-o-money since we only lived there for two and a half weeks, but whatever. Rules are rules. It took me no fewer than 12 phone calls to different carpet cleaning companies before I found one where the person answering the phone WASN'T an asshole, so I was already irritated about the whole process. Who knew that people who cleaned carpets for a living were such jerks to prospective customers?
Anyway, I also had to mop, sweep, and generally clean things before we checked out, so I got to the apartment around noon. Ate a little lunch, cleaned, and settled down with a good book to wait for the carpet guys to come out.
I waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, 5 minutes before the end of the window of time they'd told me to be at the apartment, I called J and asked him to give me the company's number. Were they coming or not? I got ahold of the guy, and it turned out that he was still 10 minutes away. Ten minutes isn't a big deal, but DUDE, if you're going to be late, CALL ME! It's not like he didn't have a cell phone, and especially since he wasn't even going to arrive until after the window had expired, the least he could have done was to give me a call from his last job (and they had my cell number--it was written right on the order form I had to sign after I paid him) to let me know that he'd be a little late.
I let him have it. Told him that if he was going to be late, he should have called me, the customer, to make sure that I was still going to be there. I really got more upset than the situation warranted, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who are late and expect me to just sit around twiddling my thumbs until they arrive.
The guy arrived, I let him in and barked a few things about an enzymatic cleaner they needed to use because we have cats, blah, blah, blah, and then we didn't talk again until he was done 30 minutes later. I handed him the check, ushered him out the door, and drove home still pissed off.
I don't know. This is the third time in the last week that I've lost my cool at someone this way. First at P.F. Chang's where the kitchen screwed up our order and our server avoided us for 45 minutes rather than fix the problem, then at the P/X (base shopping center) for a variety of reasons all involving a coffee table I want, and now this. Maybe I need to work on my anger management.
Since we're officially out of the temporary apartment this Friday, I had to arrange for professional carpet cleaning. It felt like a big waste-o-money since we only lived there for two and a half weeks, but whatever. Rules are rules. It took me no fewer than 12 phone calls to different carpet cleaning companies before I found one where the person answering the phone WASN'T an asshole, so I was already irritated about the whole process. Who knew that people who cleaned carpets for a living were such jerks to prospective customers?
Anyway, I also had to mop, sweep, and generally clean things before we checked out, so I got to the apartment around noon. Ate a little lunch, cleaned, and settled down with a good book to wait for the carpet guys to come out.
I waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, 5 minutes before the end of the window of time they'd told me to be at the apartment, I called J and asked him to give me the company's number. Were they coming or not? I got ahold of the guy, and it turned out that he was still 10 minutes away. Ten minutes isn't a big deal, but DUDE, if you're going to be late, CALL ME! It's not like he didn't have a cell phone, and especially since he wasn't even going to arrive until after the window had expired, the least he could have done was to give me a call from his last job (and they had my cell number--it was written right on the order form I had to sign after I paid him) to let me know that he'd be a little late.
I let him have it. Told him that if he was going to be late, he should have called me, the customer, to make sure that I was still going to be there. I really got more upset than the situation warranted, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who are late and expect me to just sit around twiddling my thumbs until they arrive.
The guy arrived, I let him in and barked a few things about an enzymatic cleaner they needed to use because we have cats, blah, blah, blah, and then we didn't talk again until he was done 30 minutes later. I handed him the check, ushered him out the door, and drove home still pissed off.
I don't know. This is the third time in the last week that I've lost my cool at someone this way. First at P.F. Chang's where the kitchen screwed up our order and our server avoided us for 45 minutes rather than fix the problem, then at the P/X (base shopping center) for a variety of reasons all involving a coffee table I want, and now this. Maybe I need to work on my anger management.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Time to step away from the computer, C
It's no secret that I love internet message boards. Love them. When I was working, I'd keep at least one minimized on my computer screen at all times and check it obsessively during the day for new posts. Since being diagnosed with infertility I've joined several pregnancy and infertility-related boards for support, information, and entertainment. Some are better than others. Some suck. There are days when I think that I really should just stop going to a few because the members annoy me too much. Then there are the ones that make me mad...
Tonight I got into a raging flame war on one of the boards. Some women were bashing a couple of infertile ladies for asking completely understandable questions. Questions that I've asked myself, though not on that forum. I had to speak up for them. Had to point out that the women who were accusing them of being bad wives or bad friends had never been through infertility. They had no idea what these women were going through emotionally and physically, but were judging them pretty harshly. I called people bitches, told a few of them to go to hell, and then I decided that I needed to take a deep breath and figure out why I cared so much.
The thing is, it's so easy to feel like you know people you meet on these boards. Heck, I count some of my internet friends among my best friends. In my opinion, it's not necessary to live in the same state or time zone to connect with another person. But when do you draw the line and say to yourself that these people and their opinions don't matter? That they're going to go on with their ignorant, judgemental lives whether you flame them or not? That in the long run these forums don't really mean much?
I think it's high time that I take my own advice and just step away from the computer. It's not doing me any favors at the moment.
Tonight I got into a raging flame war on one of the boards. Some women were bashing a couple of infertile ladies for asking completely understandable questions. Questions that I've asked myself, though not on that forum. I had to speak up for them. Had to point out that the women who were accusing them of being bad wives or bad friends had never been through infertility. They had no idea what these women were going through emotionally and physically, but were judging them pretty harshly. I called people bitches, told a few of them to go to hell, and then I decided that I needed to take a deep breath and figure out why I cared so much.
The thing is, it's so easy to feel like you know people you meet on these boards. Heck, I count some of my internet friends among my best friends. In my opinion, it's not necessary to live in the same state or time zone to connect with another person. But when do you draw the line and say to yourself that these people and their opinions don't matter? That they're going to go on with their ignorant, judgemental lives whether you flame them or not? That in the long run these forums don't really mean much?
I think it's high time that I take my own advice and just step away from the computer. It's not doing me any favors at the moment.
House: Version 2.0
Let me give you a little taste of what the last few days have been like at our house.
-Friday: Unpacking
-Saturday: Unpacking
-Sunday: Unpacking with a side of very frustrating furniture shopping
-Monday: Cleaning and unpacking
Needless to say, almost everything is now out of its box, but maybe half of those things are put away where they're supposed to be. I'm torn between feeling like I've really accomplished a lot and wanting to throw my hands up in the air and scream in frustration because things are still so disorganized. Lamps without lightbulbs or shades. TVs without stands, books without bookcases. We still have a lot of work ahead of us.
However, things ARE progressing and I'm going to post a few pictures just to give you all an idea of what this place looks like with furniture.
Family room, complete with TV that won't get a stand until next week and assorted homeless lamps. But look at the sofas! And the mantel clock that I spent time and effort centering!
The kitchen (slightly askew) viewed from the family room. Sadly, the kitchen is the most "done" room we have, mostly since Juan and I decided to start unpacking pots and plates as soon as the movers left. Guest appearance by the pretty, pretty roses J gave me for our third anniversary last week.
Our living room, which now sports an attractive pile of boxes that's approximately 3 1/2 feet high. I kid you not, this is a serious pile-o-boxes.
Aaaaaand the books. Everyone who knows me has been expecting this photo, and I agree that it's not pretty. I blame my book fetish mostly on the six years I spent working at a bookstore (I loved the employee discount a little too much) but freely confess that I've added substantially to my collection over the last three non-bookstore years. Virtual cookies to anyone who can spot the cat amongst the piles of literature.
Finally, Arcadia, who in my opinion has been spending FAR too much time lazing around, and not nearly enough helping me to unpack. Wake up lady, I've got a box of office supplies with your name written all over it!
-Friday: Unpacking
-Saturday: Unpacking
-Sunday: Unpacking with a side of very frustrating furniture shopping
-Monday: Cleaning and unpacking
Needless to say, almost everything is now out of its box, but maybe half of those things are put away where they're supposed to be. I'm torn between feeling like I've really accomplished a lot and wanting to throw my hands up in the air and scream in frustration because things are still so disorganized. Lamps without lightbulbs or shades. TVs without stands, books without bookcases. We still have a lot of work ahead of us.
However, things ARE progressing and I'm going to post a few pictures just to give you all an idea of what this place looks like with furniture.
Family room, complete with TV that won't get a stand until next week and assorted homeless lamps. But look at the sofas! And the mantel clock that I spent time and effort centering!
The kitchen (slightly askew) viewed from the family room. Sadly, the kitchen is the most "done" room we have, mostly since Juan and I decided to start unpacking pots and plates as soon as the movers left. Guest appearance by the pretty, pretty roses J gave me for our third anniversary last week.
Our living room, which now sports an attractive pile of boxes that's approximately 3 1/2 feet high. I kid you not, this is a serious pile-o-boxes.
Aaaaaand the books. Everyone who knows me has been expecting this photo, and I agree that it's not pretty. I blame my book fetish mostly on the six years I spent working at a bookstore (I loved the employee discount a little too much) but freely confess that I've added substantially to my collection over the last three non-bookstore years. Virtual cookies to anyone who can spot the cat amongst the piles of literature.
Finally, Arcadia, who in my opinion has been spending FAR too much time lazing around, and not nearly enough helping me to unpack. Wake up lady, I've got a box of office supplies with your name written all over it!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
DIE, DIE, DIE!
Guess what I woke up to this morning? If you guessed a BIG FAT SCORPION, you would be right.
J didn't have to go in until later than usual this morning, so after he woke up he went downstairs to drink some coffee and check his e-mail. That's when he found this on our couch.
AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Unlike me, however, J didn't scream or run around like a maniac after finding it. He managed to get it into a plastic cup, took a few pictures to scare me with later, and released it outside. Outside in our yard where I go every single day. In case you were wondering, no this is not my preferred method for dealing with potentially lethal household pests. You're supposed to kill them, make sure they're dead, and then destroy any and all evidence that they were ever there.
The good news is that we already had an appointment scheduled for an exterminator to come out today and he sprayed both inside and outside the house with stuff to kill scorpions, ants, and cockroaches. The bad news is that the scorpion he found is one of the most dangerous ones that lives in this area and we don't know exactly how it got in the house. I HOPE it came in while the movers were bringing our things inside yesterday or that it hid in one of the boxes that had been in storage all month. Hopefully there aren't more of them.
In any case, it's already been a very eventful day, and I haven't even made much headway with getting things unpacked. We have almost everything out of the boxes except for the books (and there are over 20 boxes of books just waiting for me upstairs) and office equipment. With any luck things will look good enough for me to post more pictures by the weekend.
J didn't have to go in until later than usual this morning, so after he woke up he went downstairs to drink some coffee and check his e-mail. That's when he found this on our couch.
AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Unlike me, however, J didn't scream or run around like a maniac after finding it. He managed to get it into a plastic cup, took a few pictures to scare me with later, and released it outside. Outside in our yard where I go every single day. In case you were wondering, no this is not my preferred method for dealing with potentially lethal household pests. You're supposed to kill them, make sure they're dead, and then destroy any and all evidence that they were ever there.
The good news is that we already had an appointment scheduled for an exterminator to come out today and he sprayed both inside and outside the house with stuff to kill scorpions, ants, and cockroaches. The bad news is that the scorpion he found is one of the most dangerous ones that lives in this area and we don't know exactly how it got in the house. I HOPE it came in while the movers were bringing our things inside yesterday or that it hid in one of the boxes that had been in storage all month. Hopefully there aren't more of them.
In any case, it's already been a very eventful day, and I haven't even made much headway with getting things unpacked. We have almost everything out of the boxes except for the books (and there are over 20 boxes of books just waiting for me upstairs) and office equipment. With any luck things will look good enough for me to post more pictures by the weekend.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Romance didn't die, it just grew up and bought a house
Focking Time Warner Cable Internet can bite me.
Oh, hi there. This was supposed to be a sweet, sappy entry about Juan's and my third anniversary (which is today) but instead I'm going to spend most of it cursing TIME WARNER CABLE INTERNET for being STUPID and NOT WORKING. Gah. We've spent (and by "we" I mean "Juan") several hours and a bazillion cell phone minutes over the last six days trying to get Time Warner to fix our internet service. It goes down every day around 1:00 in the afternoon, and doesn't come back on until after 5:00. The cost to us to have them come out and figure out what's wrong? A cool $200. Ergo, Time Warner can bite me, and we're totally switching to AT&T as soon as we can get them to come out and flick whatever switch needs to be flicked.
In other news, I'm giving the evil eye to anyone who dares to walk without clean socks on my shiny, clean hardwood floors that I spent 2 hours this afternoon Swiffering and mopping with Murphy's Oil Soap. Murphy's Oil Soap is the bomb. I love it.
About that anniversary thing--I feel like an enormous heel. Juan went in early this morning to try to get some personnel stuff sorted out, and I left him a somewhat snippy voicemail around 10:00 asking if he was going to call me at some point to let me know about how the personnel stuff was going. About five minutes later the doorbell rang and it was a florist with a big bouqet of roses, just for me. From Juan. Because it's our anniversary. I, on the other hand, didn't get him anything except very clean hardwood floors. Me = enormous heel.
I suppose that I did let him buy a big grill over the weekend, but that was less a present from me than from my parents. Thanks, Mom and Dad! We haven't cooked inside since we brought it home!
Tonight we're going out to dinner at our favorite local restaurant, and then tomorrow our furniture arrives. Hopefully Juan is able to get off the phone with FOCKING TIME WARNER CABLE INTERNET soon and we can start enjoying our anniversary. Happy three years to us!
Oh, hi there. This was supposed to be a sweet, sappy entry about Juan's and my third anniversary (which is today) but instead I'm going to spend most of it cursing TIME WARNER CABLE INTERNET for being STUPID and NOT WORKING. Gah. We've spent (and by "we" I mean "Juan") several hours and a bazillion cell phone minutes over the last six days trying to get Time Warner to fix our internet service. It goes down every day around 1:00 in the afternoon, and doesn't come back on until after 5:00. The cost to us to have them come out and figure out what's wrong? A cool $200. Ergo, Time Warner can bite me, and we're totally switching to AT&T as soon as we can get them to come out and flick whatever switch needs to be flicked.
In other news, I'm giving the evil eye to anyone who dares to walk without clean socks on my shiny, clean hardwood floors that I spent 2 hours this afternoon Swiffering and mopping with Murphy's Oil Soap. Murphy's Oil Soap is the bomb. I love it.
About that anniversary thing--I feel like an enormous heel. Juan went in early this morning to try to get some personnel stuff sorted out, and I left him a somewhat snippy voicemail around 10:00 asking if he was going to call me at some point to let me know about how the personnel stuff was going. About five minutes later the doorbell rang and it was a florist with a big bouqet of roses, just for me. From Juan. Because it's our anniversary. I, on the other hand, didn't get him anything except very clean hardwood floors. Me = enormous heel.
I suppose that I did let him buy a big grill over the weekend, but that was less a present from me than from my parents. Thanks, Mom and Dad! We haven't cooked inside since we brought it home!
Tonight we're going out to dinner at our favorite local restaurant, and then tomorrow our furniture arrives. Hopefully Juan is able to get off the phone with FOCKING TIME WARNER CABLE INTERNET soon and we can start enjoying our anniversary. Happy three years to us!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Just for Adrienne
Apparently certain people who read this blog are impatient for more pictures, so here are a few to tide her over until the REAL pictures go up next week.
Here's our new bed with our too-small wedding quilt. The only thing I don't like about this bed is that we won't be able to use the quilt anymore.
The staircase, which the cats LOOOOOVE. Stairs are the best cat toy since bottle caps.
The family room, AKA junk central. Everything is getting stashed here until the furniture arrives.
My rosebushes, which I'm hoping will bloom more now that I've cut off all of the dead rose hips.
Codi, who really needs a drink of water since it's 103 degrees outside.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to take a nice cool bath in my lovely whirlpool tub.
Here's our new bed with our too-small wedding quilt. The only thing I don't like about this bed is that we won't be able to use the quilt anymore.
The staircase, which the cats LOOOOOVE. Stairs are the best cat toy since bottle caps.
The family room, AKA junk central. Everything is getting stashed here until the furniture arrives.
My rosebushes, which I'm hoping will bloom more now that I've cut off all of the dead rose hips.
Codi, who really needs a drink of water since it's 103 degrees outside.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to take a nice cool bath in my lovely whirlpool tub.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Settling in
We're HOME!!! We got the keys shortly after my last post, and I've spent the last two days lugging all the stuff we had in the apartment to the new house and unpacking again. Unpacking sucks, but at least this time I know that I don't have to move it all again for 3-4 years. I'll post more pictures next Wednesday/Thursday after our furniture is finally delivered.
My top priority for now is cleaning everything and bringing the lawn back to life. Around here, having grass is more of a curse than a blessing, and since water is rationed I can only water Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I also think our tree out front may have bugs or something, since it's losing a lot of leaves and the ones left on the tree aren't looking so hot. I may post pics soon to see if any of my gardening-savvy readers have ideas about what can be done for it.
Speaking of bugs, we found a scorpion next to our front door on Wednesday night and I proceeded to completely freak the hell out. Thankfully you can spray for them, but the fact is that this is the Southwest and scorpions are part of the package. I'm still calling the exterminator on Monday, though.
In other news, I should have my application for the teacher certification program turned in by the end of the month. I went over to the university earlier today to pick up some paperwork, and really liked the lady I talked to at the ATCP office. Hopefully that's a good sign about the type of people who run the program.
My top priority for now is cleaning everything and bringing the lawn back to life. Around here, having grass is more of a curse than a blessing, and since water is rationed I can only water Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. I also think our tree out front may have bugs or something, since it's losing a lot of leaves and the ones left on the tree aren't looking so hot. I may post pics soon to see if any of my gardening-savvy readers have ideas about what can be done for it.
Speaking of bugs, we found a scorpion next to our front door on Wednesday night and I proceeded to completely freak the hell out. Thankfully you can spray for them, but the fact is that this is the Southwest and scorpions are part of the package. I'm still calling the exterminator on Monday, though.
In other news, I should have my application for the teacher certification program turned in by the end of the month. I went over to the university earlier today to pick up some paperwork, and really liked the lady I talked to at the ATCP office. Hopefully that's a good sign about the type of people who run the program.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The Waiting Game
Well, it's official! We closed on the house this morning! Closing was amazingly easy, especially when compared to our last home buying experience. This time there were no last-minute suprises with the HUD-1, everyone showed up on time, and the woman from the title company was incredibly nice and helpful. None of the above were true when we bought the condo.
BUT, thanks to a weird Texas state law, we have to wait until our bank releases the funds to the title company before we get the keys. We didn't actually know this until last night when we did the walk-through, and it felt a little anti-climactic to sign all those papers and then go back to the apartment. We've got our fingers crossed that our bank is on the ball and does what they need to do this morning so we can start moving this afternoon. Not that there's much to move, but I'm guessing that it'll take at least 3 car trips to get everything we brought with us over to the house, plus we scheduled internet installation and delivery of our bed for this evening.
I suck at waiting...
BUT, thanks to a weird Texas state law, we have to wait until our bank releases the funds to the title company before we get the keys. We didn't actually know this until last night when we did the walk-through, and it felt a little anti-climactic to sign all those papers and then go back to the apartment. We've got our fingers crossed that our bank is on the ball and does what they need to do this morning so we can start moving this afternoon. Not that there's much to move, but I'm guessing that it'll take at least 3 car trips to get everything we brought with us over to the house, plus we scheduled internet installation and delivery of our bed for this evening.
I suck at waiting...
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Some exciting news
Two items of news that I think it's time to share. First, J and I are starting to look into adoption. We're giving the doctors another six months or so to at least diagnose me and possibly do an IUI cycle or two, but after that we're going to make a decision about how far we're willing to take ART before formally beginning the adoption process.
I may or may not write anything else about this before we reach that six month mark. Honestly, I've been spending a lot of time gathering information in the last few weeks, but until Christmas (or thereabouts) we want to focus most of our energy on getting pregnant. The good news is that the idea of adoption doesn't scare either of us--it's something we talked about LONG before we knew we'd have problems having biological kids. The bad news is that adoption is a long, difficult process, and being Active Duty military doesn't help.
The second piece of news is that I'm applying for a teacher certification program at the local universtiy! Provided I get all the paperwork I need soon, I should turn in my application by the end of the month, and hopefully know if I've been accepted by mid-July. I've been looking at this program for nearly a year now, and have been on the fence for a long time about whether or not to apply. Applying felt like acknowledging that I would be able to finish the entire 12 month program without any baby-related interruptions. Lately, though, I've decided that if I don't do it now there's a good chance I'll never do it, and I know that I'd come to really regret that.
In any case, I'm very excited about both the adoption research and the teaching program. We're also closing on the house tomorrow morning, so I'm sure that I'll be posting lots of attention whore-ish pictures in the very near future. I can't believe that in less than 24 hours I'm going to be HOME!
I may or may not write anything else about this before we reach that six month mark. Honestly, I've been spending a lot of time gathering information in the last few weeks, but until Christmas (or thereabouts) we want to focus most of our energy on getting pregnant. The good news is that the idea of adoption doesn't scare either of us--it's something we talked about LONG before we knew we'd have problems having biological kids. The bad news is that adoption is a long, difficult process, and being Active Duty military doesn't help.
The second piece of news is that I'm applying for a teacher certification program at the local universtiy! Provided I get all the paperwork I need soon, I should turn in my application by the end of the month, and hopefully know if I've been accepted by mid-July. I've been looking at this program for nearly a year now, and have been on the fence for a long time about whether or not to apply. Applying felt like acknowledging that I would be able to finish the entire 12 month program without any baby-related interruptions. Lately, though, I've decided that if I don't do it now there's a good chance I'll never do it, and I know that I'd come to really regret that.
In any case, I'm very excited about both the adoption research and the teaching program. We're also closing on the house tomorrow morning, so I'm sure that I'll be posting lots of attention whore-ish pictures in the very near future. I can't believe that in less than 24 hours I'm going to be HOME!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Happy House News
We just got confirmation from our agent that closing has been moved up to this Wednesday! That's almost a full week before we were originally supposed to close, and it means that we only have to spend another day and a half in this crummy little apartment! Hopefully the movers can deliver our things sometime this week too so we can finally get settled in for REAL!
In other news, It's hot as Hades here right now, and I'm starting to dread the hours between 2:00-5:00 because they're the hottest of the day. At least our air conditioning works well, which is more than I can say for our poor friends who also recently moved here. They have a swamp cooler that's barely working and their house just never cools off.
In other news, It's hot as Hades here right now, and I'm starting to dread the hours between 2:00-5:00 because they're the hottest of the day. At least our air conditioning works well, which is more than I can say for our poor friends who also recently moved here. They have a swamp cooler that's barely working and their house just never cools off.
Friday, June 09, 2006
A Ton of Bricks
Tonight J and I went to a party for all the people in his new department. His boss was there along with all of the other residents and new interns. I'd been looking forward to going, mostly to meet some of the other wives and possibly start making some new friends. One thing I really hadn't thought about, though, was that there would be young children and babies there.
You may have noticed that I haven't written about my infertility in awhile. That's partly because after we cancelled our IUI last month I stopped seeing my RE and frankly there just hasn't been much to say. The bigger reason why I haven't written about it, though, is that emotionally I've been doing really well. The stress of moving and quitting my job and getting settled in a new place has totally and completely pushed infertility to the back burner, and I've really been enjoying my good moods and ability to be in the same room with a baby without feeling sad. Tonight seems to have brought it back front and center, and it's got me pretty down.
Why is infertility like this? Earlier today I was sitting in a room full of babies and pregnant women at the DMV and I was FINE. I mean, I was a little wistful, but I wasn't tempted to cry or feel very sorry for myself. But tonight all it took was seeing one 10 month old baby just as we walked in to the party, and I was fighting back tears for the next three hours. I couldn't believe how awful I felt, and it hit me even harder because it's been so long since I've felt this way. Felt like everyone in the world can have a baby except for me. Felt like I'd jump at the chance to give my right arm to get pregnant. Felt like running out of the room so I could bawl my eyes out in peace.
Of course, what I actually did was sit there on the couch, eat barbeque, and make small talk with all of the wives who were carrying around their gorgeous babies. Every single one of them asked me if we had kids, and every single time I almost said, "No, we're infertile." It's been so long since I've socialized with people who didn't know what we were going through that I actually have to stop myself from talking about it since it's not really something you bring up with a casual aquaintance. I hate that I don't have kids like they do. Hate that I'm looking for a job right now instead of settling into life as a stay and home mom. Hate that infertility is once again starting to dominate my thoughts and I don't know how to focus on anything else.
I think tomorrow I'm going to make an appointment with the OB/GYN clinc at the hospital. Clearly I'm ready to start getting some more answers about what's going on with me, and hopefully I'll find a doctor who'll take me seriously and try to figure out why this is happening to us. I'm also going to call the infertility clinic that I recently discovered is just down the street from our apartment. Maybe there's a support group around here I can join. I need some outlet for my feelings, and unfortunately I don't think the online community alone is going to cut it anymore.
You may have noticed that I haven't written about my infertility in awhile. That's partly because after we cancelled our IUI last month I stopped seeing my RE and frankly there just hasn't been much to say. The bigger reason why I haven't written about it, though, is that emotionally I've been doing really well. The stress of moving and quitting my job and getting settled in a new place has totally and completely pushed infertility to the back burner, and I've really been enjoying my good moods and ability to be in the same room with a baby without feeling sad. Tonight seems to have brought it back front and center, and it's got me pretty down.
Why is infertility like this? Earlier today I was sitting in a room full of babies and pregnant women at the DMV and I was FINE. I mean, I was a little wistful, but I wasn't tempted to cry or feel very sorry for myself. But tonight all it took was seeing one 10 month old baby just as we walked in to the party, and I was fighting back tears for the next three hours. I couldn't believe how awful I felt, and it hit me even harder because it's been so long since I've felt this way. Felt like everyone in the world can have a baby except for me. Felt like I'd jump at the chance to give my right arm to get pregnant. Felt like running out of the room so I could bawl my eyes out in peace.
Of course, what I actually did was sit there on the couch, eat barbeque, and make small talk with all of the wives who were carrying around their gorgeous babies. Every single one of them asked me if we had kids, and every single time I almost said, "No, we're infertile." It's been so long since I've socialized with people who didn't know what we were going through that I actually have to stop myself from talking about it since it's not really something you bring up with a casual aquaintance. I hate that I don't have kids like they do. Hate that I'm looking for a job right now instead of settling into life as a stay and home mom. Hate that infertility is once again starting to dominate my thoughts and I don't know how to focus on anything else.
I think tomorrow I'm going to make an appointment with the OB/GYN clinc at the hospital. Clearly I'm ready to start getting some more answers about what's going on with me, and hopefully I'll find a doctor who'll take me seriously and try to figure out why this is happening to us. I'm also going to call the infertility clinic that I recently discovered is just down the street from our apartment. Maybe there's a support group around here I can join. I need some outlet for my feelings, and unfortunately I don't think the online community alone is going to cut it anymore.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
10 Things I Hate About This Week
1) The SIX AND A HALF HOURS J and I spent trying to get new military ID cards today. SIX AND A HALF HOURS. The kicker is that we actually arrived at the office an hour before they opened this morning to try to avoid the usual massive wait. After the third or fourth hour we started openly laughing at the poor people who were over 100 spots behind us in line but refused to leave and come back tomorrow morning. No way, no how they're going to get cards before the office closes tonight.
2) In addition to the SIX AND A HALF HOURS we spent waiting today, we'll need to go back next week because J's school didn't submit the papers for his promotion and switch to Active Duty correctly, so both of our cards still have him listed as Reserve. Thankfully we won't have to wait in line again, but I'm mighty peeved that we have to go back at all.
3) Our next door neighbors at the apartment, who have started smoking on their balcony all the damn time. This wouldn't be a problem except that their balcony is right next to our A/C unit, so our living room smells like smoke. It's icky and I hate it, but it's not like I can ask them not to smoke on their own balcony, you know? At least I only have to tolerate it for 12 more days until we close on the house.
4) Our realtor in Maryland who still hasn't called us back to confirm that the closing for our condo actually happened this morning. It was scheduled for 11:00 am and we're assuming that no news is good news, but would it kill her just to pick up the phone to confirm that we are, officially, no longer property owners there?
5) The practically nonexistant cell phone reception we get in the apartment, which makes getting a call from our realtor a little difficult.
6) The dust storm that kicked up no less than 10 minutes after we washed my car yesterday, completely caking it in mud. Haaaaate dust.
7) Not having a microwave. I never realized just how many things I use it for or how much of a PITA it is to heat up a Lean Cuisine in the oven.
8) Not having my TiVo. I MISS MY TIVO!!!!
9) Our sucky, sucky air mattress that is so deflated by the time we wake up every morning that we're effectively sleeping on the floor. My back is killing me and we won't get our bed delivered until the 21st.
10) Having to buy a new washer and dryer AND refrigerator because the sellers of our house are taking theirs to San Antonio. It feels like we're just hemorraghing money right now, and while we can afford it, I don't like it.
2) In addition to the SIX AND A HALF HOURS we spent waiting today, we'll need to go back next week because J's school didn't submit the papers for his promotion and switch to Active Duty correctly, so both of our cards still have him listed as Reserve. Thankfully we won't have to wait in line again, but I'm mighty peeved that we have to go back at all.
3) Our next door neighbors at the apartment, who have started smoking on their balcony all the damn time. This wouldn't be a problem except that their balcony is right next to our A/C unit, so our living room smells like smoke. It's icky and I hate it, but it's not like I can ask them not to smoke on their own balcony, you know? At least I only have to tolerate it for 12 more days until we close on the house.
4) Our realtor in Maryland who still hasn't called us back to confirm that the closing for our condo actually happened this morning. It was scheduled for 11:00 am and we're assuming that no news is good news, but would it kill her just to pick up the phone to confirm that we are, officially, no longer property owners there?
5) The practically nonexistant cell phone reception we get in the apartment, which makes getting a call from our realtor a little difficult.
6) The dust storm that kicked up no less than 10 minutes after we washed my car yesterday, completely caking it in mud. Haaaaate dust.
7) Not having a microwave. I never realized just how many things I use it for or how much of a PITA it is to heat up a Lean Cuisine in the oven.
8) Not having my TiVo. I MISS MY TIVO!!!!
9) Our sucky, sucky air mattress that is so deflated by the time we wake up every morning that we're effectively sleeping on the floor. My back is killing me and we won't get our bed delivered until the 21st.
10) Having to buy a new washer and dryer AND refrigerator because the sellers of our house are taking theirs to San Antonio. It feels like we're just hemorraghing money right now, and while we can afford it, I don't like it.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Viva, Las Vegas!!!
I think this picture pretty much sums up just how awesome (and necessary) our weekend trip to Vegas was.
Yes, that's me with a margarita the length of my arm. It was tasty.
Juan had fun too, even though it's hard to tell from the photos I took of him.
We went to some kickass parties thrown by my former employer
Had truly excellent food (all paid for by my former employer)
And I did a little work too.
Not very much, though, because we were in VEGAS, and I had far more important things to do than work. Like find the chocolate fountain at the Bellagio.
All in all, it was a wonderful trip and a great way to once and for all say goodbye to my friends and former coworkers from DC.
Yes, that's me with a margarita the length of my arm. It was tasty.
Juan had fun too, even though it's hard to tell from the photos I took of him.
We went to some kickass parties thrown by my former employer
Had truly excellent food (all paid for by my former employer)
And I did a little work too.
Not very much, though, because we were in VEGAS, and I had far more important things to do than work. Like find the chocolate fountain at the Bellagio.
All in all, it was a wonderful trip and a great way to once and for all say goodbye to my friends and former coworkers from DC.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)