Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Happy (belated) Blog-iversary

So, the actual 1 year anniversary of this blog was a week ago, but seeing as how I've been drowning in work (and living in a lot of denial about how much I still have left to do every night for the next couple of months) I didn't notice. Oops! So, happy blogiversary to me!

I thought I'd take a look back everything that's happened to me over the last year. Note, this was originally supposed to come with links, but I'm too damn tired and overwhelmed with work to add them. Sorry, but you can navigate by months on my sidebar if you'd like to read posts I mention here

-Began this blog
-Started the spiral into a depression over not being pregnant
-Put our condo on the market

-Took a fantastic trip to Boston and Maine
-Had the best Valentine's Day on record
-Got in a car accident
-Finally called my doctor to start the fertility testing process
-Took the infamous photo of a knife I almost stabbed Juan in the foot with

-Hit a peak in my depression over not being able to get pregnant
-Had the crappiest 25th birthday on record
-Visited my family in Utah and posted about all the things I dislike about my home state
-Was picked up as an evil liberal blogger on a conservative Utah blog for the aforementioned post
-Still didn't sell our condo

-Had my first RE appointment with the most evil Nurse Practitioner known to man
-Took a trip to California with a mysterious "Item X"
-Had my HSG and was officially diagnosed as infertile
-Took a trip to our new town and placed an offer on a house

-Lost our contract on the house because our condo still hadn't sold
-Wrote my all-time favorite post on being an infertile 20-something
-Quit my job
-Got an offer on our condo
-Lost our buyer after just a week
-Found out that our dream house in Texas was back on the market and placed a new offer
-Got another offeron the condo from a new buyer
-My dad was hit by a car while riding his bike in North Carolina
-J graduated from medical school
-Left DC for Texas

-Took a trip to Vegas
-Entered a new chapter in infertility-related depression
-Closed on our Texas house and moved in
-Did not find a job

-Started seeing a new doctor about infertility
-Adopted Jasper
-Got admitted to grad school to become a teacher

-Survived our massive flooding
-Still didn't have a job
-Joined Operation Common Thread
-Celebrated my parents' 25th wedding anniversary
-Started school

-Had a laparoscopy and FINALLY got a diagnosis for our infertility--scar tissue
-Wrote an angry letter to NBC over a stupid, prejudicial story they did on young, infertile women
-Encountered the centipedes from hell
-Interviewed for a job as a high school English teacher
-Took a road trip to Utah

-Didn't hear from the school after my interview, assumed I didn't get the job
-Got another negative pregnancy test
-Decided to hold off on calling the RE to start IUIs
-Started my 20th cycle of TTC

-Was busy at work
-Our cat Codi went into heart failure and spent a week in critical condition

-Codi came home!
-Finished my first semester of teaching
-Annouced my pregnancy to my family and the internet at large

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Why do I do this to myself? (or, I suck at staying on task)

I have so much work to do tonight, it's not even funny. Lesson planning for two classes that I somehow neglected to do last weekend (oops), finishing up some homework for my own online class, reviewing all 5 hours of the BBC Pride and Prejudice to find the good parts that can be shown in 90 minutes, and grading. Oh, and did I mention that it's officially a month past Christmas and our tree is still up?

To top it off, I had a total meltdown at work today. I think the pregnancy hormones are finally kicking in, because I was in TEARS over the fact that an assignment I spent a long time writing for my online class got eaten by the stupid class software, so I had to rewrite it. I cried to the IT guru over the phone (who, to his credit, did not hang up on me when I started making unreasonable demands), to J, who I paged at work just so I could bitch and whine, and finally to my empty classroom. I think I honestly expected that one of the three would be able to pull out a magic wand and re-create my lost work, but sadly reality set in and I realized that I had to do it myself. So, after pouting and whining to the Snarkies, I did the assignment over again. It didn't take too long, which told me that I seriously overreacted in the first place, but it was really the straw that broke this camel's proverbial back.

With all of this on my plate, and the drama of this afternoon behind me, you'd think that I would have come home and started working immediately, wouldn't you? Oh no. Not me. Instead I have:

-ordered a pizza
-managed to cut myself (with my own fingernail) while peeling an orange
-devoured a large portion of the above pizza
-watched part of Dr. Phil
-watched all of last night's super-long Top Chef (why I even bother at this point is beyond me since I hate all of the contestants)
-let the dog out seven or eight times
-read blogs
-written this entry

All very productive and work-related activities, right? Yeah. So, it's now almost 7:00, I need to go to bed around 8:00 if I'm going to wake up for school early enough tomorrow to make the trillion or so handouts I need for my first class, and I've got maybe four or five hours of work staring me in the face. Guess it's time to go make some cupcakes!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Possibly the only downside to being pregnant

I just realized that I won't be able to play my annual State of the Union drinking game. Oh well, I think I'll survive.

Hope everyone is planning to watch or read a transcript tonight! As much as I dislike the current Administration, I can't imagine not watching the SOU. Not just because I love my drinking game, but because I want to know what issues the President wants to focus on during the next 12 months. I rarely agree with his ideas, but I at least need to know what they are.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Houston, we have a heartbeat!

This is possibly one of the best days of my life! We arrived at the appointment and were ushered into the doctor's office almost immediately. Dr. M congratulated us, we spent a few minutes catching up since I hadn't seen him since my surgery in September, and then he sent us into the ultrasound room to get a look at the Button! In short, things look perfect! She was doing backflips, mooning the doctor, and giving us a very nice look at her arms, legs, head, heart, spine, etc... We saw everything.

(for those who may be wondering why I'm referring to Button as "she", no, we didn't find out the sex yet, but I'm getting a very strong girl vibe right now)

I confess that I cried a bit when Dr. M turned the screen around and let me look at my baby for the first time. I can't even describe what the moment felt like. Humbling. Shocking. Inspiring. There's no one word that can sum it all up, but suffice it to say that I'm very, very happy.

The family has officially been cleared to share the news, and I'm told that my mom has already told two of her friends about the Button. I think she's probably going to have an "Official Member of the Grandma Club" t-shirt printed shortly. For his part, my dad is researching webcams and giving me nutritional instructions over the phone. I probably don't need to say that they're excited.

Welcome to the family, Button! You've got a lot of people who are already anxious to meet you!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Dealing with assholes never gets easier

J and I spent the weekend up at a ski lodge in New Mexico for a department retreat. Mostly, it was a blast. All of our friends were there, we went to a couple of workshops, and then spent a LOT of time relaxing. With the exception of the Mexican food they served for dinner last night, I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Well, maybe except for one other thing.

See, at breakfast this morning we ended up sitting next to one of THOSE people. You know, the type who feels it's perfectly appropriate to ask you probing, personal questions 5 minutes after you've been introduced. First we chatted (well, he did most of the talking, I just smiled and nodded) about skiing, then he asked about our families, and then he asked the one question every woman who has experienced infertility dreads more than anything else: "So, when are YOU planning to have children?"

I confess, I told him that we were currently 10 weeks pregnant in hopes that it would shut him up on the subject. Did it? Oh no. Instead, he started talking about how he and his wife had two "oops" babies, and assumed that ours was the same. I was halfway tempted to tell him that it had taken the collective wisdom and skill of a half dozen doctors, surgery, and nearly two years to get to this point, but in the end I decided against sharing our story with him because I really didn't want to talk about infertility with an oblivious asshole over my hash browns. At that point, he turned his attention to a friend of mine and asked her if she and her husband were going to give their 2 year old daughter a brother or sister anytime soon. That was when I decided that cutting and running was probably the best possible strategy, so I made up some excuse about needing to get something from my room and dragged my friend out of the room.

For the record (just in case any of you were wondering) it is NEVER okay to ask someone about their family building plans. NEVER. You can ask if they have children (though after going through infertility I've started saying "Tell me about your family" instead, since being reminded of the fact that I was childless every time I met someone new wasn't a pleasant experience) but not if or when they plan to have any. My reproductive organs have nothing to do with you. Period. End of story.

In any case, we're home now, my first appointment is in three days, and now that I've gotten all this out I feel much better.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Happy Fetus Day!

Well, I'm officially 10 weeks today which means that the Button can now officially be called a fetus. Happy Fetus Day, little one!

This pregnancy feels more real every day, and now that my first appointment is only a few days away I find myself thinking more and more about what ifs. What if I get to the appointment and things aren't okay? What if there's no heartbeat? I'm really not sure how I would cope with that. Mostly I just wish that I knew for sure one way or another. I'm not kicking myself for not accepting the appointment I was offered earlier this week, but I suppose I can wait another 5 days.

No more naval-gazing allowed tonight! I've now officially scared myself far more than I ever wanted to, and need to focus on something else. Have a good weekend, everyone!

Monday, January 08, 2007

Butt is officially kicked

Oh. My. God. I have never been so exhausted in my life! Just staying awake and somewhat energetic and animated today was almost more than I could handle. All of the kids were bouncing off the walls because it was the first day back from a three week break, my classroom smelled like tacos (have I mentioned that I have a major aversion to Mexican food?), and all I wanted to do was to put my head down on my desk and take a nap. We'll see how tomorrow goes, but I'm not expecting it to be much better.

I hate to say it, but as much as I disliked my old job, it would have been soooooooo much more conducive to pregnancy. I had a private office with a door I could close at any time to take a short nap, my work was almost completely desk-based, and (best of all) I didn't have to wait until lunch for a bathroom break. Well, I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The time has come

Well, I offically grew out of my "skinny" pair of jeans today. Since they're also my favorite pair of jeans, I bought a Bella Band (stretchy band of fabric that goes around the waist of your pants so you can leave them unbottoned) to get me through the next couple of months before I need full-on maternity wear.

I have to say, going into a maternity store was a bizarre experience. When the salesgirl asked me if I was buying for myself, I almost answered no. Even at 9 weeks, I still can't really believe that I'm pregnant. Part of me was scared to even think about buying any pregnancy wear because things could still go wrong. Still, I'm trying to stay very positive, so today's purchase was as much about comfort as it was about taking a leap of faith. I have the feeling that this is just the first of many leaps.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Ready to go back

Today was my first day back at work, and it felt really good to be there. Not that vacation wasn't a lot of fun, but there comes a time when a girl has to get up off the couch and realize that there's more to life than a weeklong marathon of "America's Next Top Model" on VH1. Of course the students don't come back until Monday, but it was still a very full day.

In other news, we got snow the other day! SNOW!!! It was less than a dusting, but it still made me smile. Winter hasn't seemed very winter-y what with our 60 degree temperatures and nonstop sun. Juan even called me from the hospital to make sure I saw it. We both got way too excited about the snow for two people who supposedly dislike it so much.