This afternoon I hosted a baby shower for a dear friend who's about to have her second child. Most of the invitees (including the mom-to-be) have kids around Luke's age, so the shower morphed into a playdate involving 9 adults and 6 kids under 3.
Rather than get into all the messy details, let's just say that my house is covered in stickers, there are mysterious stains on the living room rug, my TV has sticky fingerprints all over it, and Luke went to bed half an hour early because he was so exhausted from all the activity. If this is what it's like to have a big family, I am officially ruling out more than one kid after Luke.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, December 12, 2008
Quirk
More memes! I was tagged for this one by MJ which seems quite appropriate since I'm one of the friends who nicknamed her "Quirk" back in high school and the subject of the meme is (what else?) quirks.
In case anyone is wondering, my nickname in high school was A Loof.
Now, on with the meme!
Six of C's Quirks
1) I hate to talk on the phone. I don't know how quirky this really is since it seems like I know an increasingly large number of people who would rather drive large metal spikes into their eardrums than talk on the phone (I blame the internet) but unless you're my parents, you're twenty times more likely to receive an e-mail from me than a phone call. There's just so much pressure on the phone to find interesting things to talk about, versus e-mail where you can ramble on for paragraphs and either go back before hitting the "send" button and delete everything or send it all and rest assured that the recipient will just skim for the good stuff.
2) I have no problem discussing how Macbeth and Harvey Dent (from "The Dark Knight") are remarkably similar characters with my students. In fact, I've had lengthy discussions on the subject with my second period in the last week, and while it may seem like we're goofing off on the surface, I have elaborate character development maps all over the board by the end of those discussions to prove that not only are they both tragic heroes, but that the Batman franchise nails the archetype far more often than Shakespeare ever did. If I can talk about superhero movies and Shakespeare at the same time AND finally get my students to understand the tragic hero, I consider it a good day.
3) If I have M&Ms, I can't just eat them one at a time, I have to eat two so they're even in my mouth--one on each side as I bite down. Same thing with baby carrots, olives, and pretty much anything else bite-sized.
4) I don't like breakfast food unless it's relatively bland. Sausage? No way. Bacon? HATE. Plain toast? Now you're talking. Lunch and dinner, bring on the strong-tasting food, but leave my palate alone before noon OR ELSE.
5) I watch TV out of the corner of my eye. I've done this for the longest time (and if you've been to my house, our family room arrangement might suddenly make sense now that you know this fact about me) and while it's probably partly because I have mild astigmatism, mostly it's just because I find the TV itself is rarely engrossing enough to keep my full attention so I'm always doing something else while watching TV. I'll knit, I'll cross-stitch, I'll play online (sometimes while also knitting or cross-stitching) and watch TV at the same time, just out of the corner of my eye.
6) I don't understand the appeal of "30 Rock." I've tried, I really have, but I just find it contrived and too cute for its own good.
In case anyone is wondering, my nickname in high school was A Loof.
Now, on with the meme!
Six of C's Quirks
1) I hate to talk on the phone. I don't know how quirky this really is since it seems like I know an increasingly large number of people who would rather drive large metal spikes into their eardrums than talk on the phone (I blame the internet) but unless you're my parents, you're twenty times more likely to receive an e-mail from me than a phone call. There's just so much pressure on the phone to find interesting things to talk about, versus e-mail where you can ramble on for paragraphs and either go back before hitting the "send" button and delete everything or send it all and rest assured that the recipient will just skim for the good stuff.
2) I have no problem discussing how Macbeth and Harvey Dent (from "The Dark Knight") are remarkably similar characters with my students. In fact, I've had lengthy discussions on the subject with my second period in the last week, and while it may seem like we're goofing off on the surface, I have elaborate character development maps all over the board by the end of those discussions to prove that not only are they both tragic heroes, but that the Batman franchise nails the archetype far more often than Shakespeare ever did. If I can talk about superhero movies and Shakespeare at the same time AND finally get my students to understand the tragic hero, I consider it a good day.
3) If I have M&Ms, I can't just eat them one at a time, I have to eat two so they're even in my mouth--one on each side as I bite down. Same thing with baby carrots, olives, and pretty much anything else bite-sized.
4) I don't like breakfast food unless it's relatively bland. Sausage? No way. Bacon? HATE. Plain toast? Now you're talking. Lunch and dinner, bring on the strong-tasting food, but leave my palate alone before noon OR ELSE.
5) I watch TV out of the corner of my eye. I've done this for the longest time (and if you've been to my house, our family room arrangement might suddenly make sense now that you know this fact about me) and while it's probably partly because I have mild astigmatism, mostly it's just because I find the TV itself is rarely engrossing enough to keep my full attention so I'm always doing something else while watching TV. I'll knit, I'll cross-stitch, I'll play online (sometimes while also knitting or cross-stitching) and watch TV at the same time, just out of the corner of my eye.
6) I don't understand the appeal of "30 Rock." I've tried, I really have, but I just find it contrived and too cute for its own good.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Roller coaster
First, please keep Kathleen in your thoughts. She's very ill and needs all the good thoughts and prayers you can send.
Second, what a roller coaster week this has been. Awful, awful news from every corner just keeps raining down, and I'm honestly afraid to pick up the phone when it rings because at this point I've received at least three calls in the last 24 hours that have reduced me to tears. I don't want to talk about it right now because I'm still processing (besides which, some of the news isn't mine to share) but that post will be coming at some point in the future.
Third, I've decided that a roller coaster is the perfect metaphor for the first year of parenthood. Big shocker, right? A: that the English teacher searches for metaphors for her life, and B: that the metaphor is an old, tired one. Hear me out, though!
Pregnancy is the looooooooong ride up to the top of the first drop. You think you're never going to get there, you're nervous and excited the whole time, and then BOOM! You drop!
(that's birth, by the way)
The initial 10-15 seconds of the ride, where you're disoriented and screaming, are the first months of your baby's life. Everything is new, you can't anticipate your next move, and you feel like you're going to fall off and/or throw up the entire time.
Then you start getting used to the jerkiness of the ride and begin really enjoying it. You can anticipate some of the curves, you might even have a chance to glance outside of the ride and see the water feature or popcorn stand nearby, and life is good. Sure, you're still on a roller coaster, but it's not new and strange anymore. Those are months four through 12.
Then, of course, the ride stops and you're forced to get off, shaky and dizzy, which I assume is a good analogy for moving from babyhood into the toddler years when everything changes again.
In case you can't tell from my above analysis, I'm feeling pretty confident about parenthood right about now. Life is (generally) predictable, and every once in awhile Luke makes a breakthrough that feels exactly like a lull in the ride. Case in point, he can now put himself to sleep.
For any non-parents reading this, putting oneself to sleep is a milestone that can never come early enough. After spending months and months nursing, rocking, singing, cajoling, and begging a baby to fall deeply enough asleep to be put down in his/her crib without waking back up again; it feels like clouds lifting and angels singing when one night you put down your baby awake (after spending WAAAAAAAY too much time on the above activities and giving up in sheer frustration) only to have him/her roll over and fall fast asleep.
Luke has now put himself to sleep several nights in a row, and I am loving it. LOVING IT. I know full well that I'm probably jinxing it by writing this, but I don't care. Every one of these little milestones, every one of these little things that he can do on his own, feels like the roller coaster slowing down. That doesn't mean it's stopped, or that parenthood gets easier, but it's getting more predictable. More normal. And that's a good thing.
Second, what a roller coaster week this has been. Awful, awful news from every corner just keeps raining down, and I'm honestly afraid to pick up the phone when it rings because at this point I've received at least three calls in the last 24 hours that have reduced me to tears. I don't want to talk about it right now because I'm still processing (besides which, some of the news isn't mine to share) but that post will be coming at some point in the future.
Third, I've decided that a roller coaster is the perfect metaphor for the first year of parenthood. Big shocker, right? A: that the English teacher searches for metaphors for her life, and B: that the metaphor is an old, tired one. Hear me out, though!
Pregnancy is the looooooooong ride up to the top of the first drop. You think you're never going to get there, you're nervous and excited the whole time, and then BOOM! You drop!
(that's birth, by the way)
The initial 10-15 seconds of the ride, where you're disoriented and screaming, are the first months of your baby's life. Everything is new, you can't anticipate your next move, and you feel like you're going to fall off and/or throw up the entire time.
Then you start getting used to the jerkiness of the ride and begin really enjoying it. You can anticipate some of the curves, you might even have a chance to glance outside of the ride and see the water feature or popcorn stand nearby, and life is good. Sure, you're still on a roller coaster, but it's not new and strange anymore. Those are months four through 12.
Then, of course, the ride stops and you're forced to get off, shaky and dizzy, which I assume is a good analogy for moving from babyhood into the toddler years when everything changes again.
In case you can't tell from my above analysis, I'm feeling pretty confident about parenthood right about now. Life is (generally) predictable, and every once in awhile Luke makes a breakthrough that feels exactly like a lull in the ride. Case in point, he can now put himself to sleep.
For any non-parents reading this, putting oneself to sleep is a milestone that can never come early enough. After spending months and months nursing, rocking, singing, cajoling, and begging a baby to fall deeply enough asleep to be put down in his/her crib without waking back up again; it feels like clouds lifting and angels singing when one night you put down your baby awake (after spending WAAAAAAAY too much time on the above activities and giving up in sheer frustration) only to have him/her roll over and fall fast asleep.
Luke has now put himself to sleep several nights in a row, and I am loving it. LOVING IT. I know full well that I'm probably jinxing it by writing this, but I don't care. Every one of these little milestones, every one of these little things that he can do on his own, feels like the roller coaster slowing down. That doesn't mean it's stopped, or that parenthood gets easier, but it's getting more predictable. More normal. And that's a good thing.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Nice Time
I have a confession to make--I lied last week when I wrote that Luke and I would be spending Spring Break lounging around the house. We did, but not our house. Instead, we flew to Utah and stayed with my parents for five days. The reason for the deception was that my very good friend Marcie (who reads this blog--hi, Marcie!) is having a baby in June and our friend Michele and I conspired to throw her a surprise baby shower last week complete with a surprise special guest--me! I couldn't exactly talk about my trip when she didn't know about it, ergo the lying. I'm sure you'll all forgive me someday for it.
The shower went well, Luke played wonderfully with Michele's 4 month old daughter, and my parents hardly let me hold him the rest of the week since all they wanted to do was play with their grandson. I can't say I'm feeling much more rested today than I was a week ago, though, what with Luke's refusal to nap longer than 30 minutes or go through the night without two or three wakings.
Since today is mostly just recovering from the excitement of our trip (U2 in 3D! IKEA! Visitors galore!) I'll leave you here with a few pictures of the boy on Easter when Arcadia suddenly had a personality transplant and decided to be very patient with him.
Well hello, this is something unusual
Okay, okay Daddy I see how to pet the kitty. Let me try!
I'm good at this!
And look, there's even this handy little tail for me to grab and put in my mouth! Mmmm.... kitty fur!
Wait, where are you going kitty?
The shower went well, Luke played wonderfully with Michele's 4 month old daughter, and my parents hardly let me hold him the rest of the week since all they wanted to do was play with their grandson. I can't say I'm feeling much more rested today than I was a week ago, though, what with Luke's refusal to nap longer than 30 minutes or go through the night without two or three wakings.
Since today is mostly just recovering from the excitement of our trip (U2 in 3D! IKEA! Visitors galore!) I'll leave you here with a few pictures of the boy on Easter when Arcadia suddenly had a personality transplant and decided to be very patient with him.
Well hello, this is something unusual
Okay, okay Daddy I see how to pet the kitty. Let me try!
I'm good at this!
And look, there's even this handy little tail for me to grab and put in my mouth! Mmmm.... kitty fur!
Wait, where are you going kitty?
Monday, January 14, 2008
Five Months
A few days late, but better late than never.
In other news, Kathleen is having her baby as I type! Congratulations, Kathleen and Brett!!!
In other news, Kathleen is having her baby as I type! Congratulations, Kathleen and Brett!!!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Three Things
Amalah posted this challenge today and since I'm in a meme-y mood (and since it's a very good question) I thought I'd tackle it. To wit:
What are the three things you wish for your kids to experience in their lives?
1) To always feel safe and loved at home.
I've always had a very strong connection to my parents and "home". It made moving away after college really hard and is the main reason why I talk to them at least twice a week. I always knew that no matter what I could go home if I needed to feel safe and loved. Even though Luke will live in a number of different houses and cities as he grows up, I dearly hope he always feels that he can come "home" to me and Juan whenever he needs unconditional love and protection.
2) To make a difference in someone else's life
Few things are more significant, in my opinion, than making the world a better place for another person. There's really not much more I can say than that.
3) To have lifelong friendships
I thought long and hard about this third one because experiencing love is certainly something I want for Luke. Friendship is an important kind of love, more important than romantic love in many ways, and I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my friends. You need people to turn to when things are bad, when you're unhappy, and when you need to talk problems over with someone outside of your family. I want Luke to know what that feels like, and I certainly want to send him out into the world knowing that he has people he can turn to no matter what happens. Everyone needs those kinds of friends.
What are the three things you wish for your kids to experience in their lives?
1) To always feel safe and loved at home.
I've always had a very strong connection to my parents and "home". It made moving away after college really hard and is the main reason why I talk to them at least twice a week. I always knew that no matter what I could go home if I needed to feel safe and loved. Even though Luke will live in a number of different houses and cities as he grows up, I dearly hope he always feels that he can come "home" to me and Juan whenever he needs unconditional love and protection.
2) To make a difference in someone else's life
Few things are more significant, in my opinion, than making the world a better place for another person. There's really not much more I can say than that.
3) To have lifelong friendships
I thought long and hard about this third one because experiencing love is certainly something I want for Luke. Friendship is an important kind of love, more important than romantic love in many ways, and I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my friends. You need people to turn to when things are bad, when you're unhappy, and when you need to talk problems over with someone outside of your family. I want Luke to know what that feels like, and I certainly want to send him out into the world knowing that he has people he can turn to no matter what happens. Everyone needs those kinds of friends.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The Other Side of the Fence
I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about friendship. The friends I lost while going through infertility, the friends I gained, and the friendships I already had that grew stronger through shared heartache all occupy a significant portion of my thoughts these days.
Friendship is something I've always struggled with (I spent most of my childhood agonizing over why I didn't have friends and now that I'm an adult I've had to move away from the wonderful friends I made in Salt Lake and DC) so thinking about lost friends always saddens me. The combination of infertility and distance cost me one of the closest friendships I've ever had, and I know that's something I'll always be angry about. It also helped me grow closer to two friends I'd had for years, and if nothing else I'm grateful I had the chance to support them and get their support while we were still trying to conceive.
Now that I'm on the other side of the infertility "fence" though, I'm struggling with completely different issues. Namely, how do I stay a good friend to those who are still going through infertility hell? How do I know when to back off and give my friends space if that's what they need? How do I make sure not to say or do something that hurts them? You would think (hell, I would think) that it would be easy to know what to do since I've been there myself, but what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for another.
I've been very open about my infertility from day one. My parents and sister know about it--they even read this blog daily. All of my friends know what we went through; my in-laws know; and because I was a patient at J's hospital while we were searching for a diagnosis, many of his coworkers are aware of our problems as well. In spite of the intensely private nature of infertility, I had no problem with "going public". Talking about what was going on, sharing our story, and trying my best to de-stigmatize it helped me cope. I know that's not the case with everyone, though, which is one of the reasons why I think I'm having such a hard time knowing how to "be there" for my infertile friends now. Most of them aren't as open about their struggles as I was (and am) so the things I wanted people to do when I was in their shoes such as e-mails asking how I was doing, phone calls to check up on me after another failed cycle, etc... likely aren't what they want from me now. There's also the issue of Luke--I know that seeing or hearing about a new baby while you're infertile can be incredibly difficult. I never want to cause my friends the pain I felt when someone insensitively sent me unsolicited baby photos or wouldn't stop talking about their children while we spent time together.
I want to be a good friend. I know those I care about who are still battling infertility need good friends. I just need to know how to be what they need me to be.
Friendship is something I've always struggled with (I spent most of my childhood agonizing over why I didn't have friends and now that I'm an adult I've had to move away from the wonderful friends I made in Salt Lake and DC) so thinking about lost friends always saddens me. The combination of infertility and distance cost me one of the closest friendships I've ever had, and I know that's something I'll always be angry about. It also helped me grow closer to two friends I'd had for years, and if nothing else I'm grateful I had the chance to support them and get their support while we were still trying to conceive.
Now that I'm on the other side of the infertility "fence" though, I'm struggling with completely different issues. Namely, how do I stay a good friend to those who are still going through infertility hell? How do I know when to back off and give my friends space if that's what they need? How do I make sure not to say or do something that hurts them? You would think (hell, I would think) that it would be easy to know what to do since I've been there myself, but what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for another.
I've been very open about my infertility from day one. My parents and sister know about it--they even read this blog daily. All of my friends know what we went through; my in-laws know; and because I was a patient at J's hospital while we were searching for a diagnosis, many of his coworkers are aware of our problems as well. In spite of the intensely private nature of infertility, I had no problem with "going public". Talking about what was going on, sharing our story, and trying my best to de-stigmatize it helped me cope. I know that's not the case with everyone, though, which is one of the reasons why I think I'm having such a hard time knowing how to "be there" for my infertile friends now. Most of them aren't as open about their struggles as I was (and am) so the things I wanted people to do when I was in their shoes such as e-mails asking how I was doing, phone calls to check up on me after another failed cycle, etc... likely aren't what they want from me now. There's also the issue of Luke--I know that seeing or hearing about a new baby while you're infertile can be incredibly difficult. I never want to cause my friends the pain I felt when someone insensitively sent me unsolicited baby photos or wouldn't stop talking about their children while we spent time together.
I want to be a good friend. I know those I care about who are still battling infertility need good friends. I just need to know how to be what they need me to be.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
The International Infertility Film Festival
The amazing Bea has put together an online film festival highlighting (what else?) infertility. The entries are hilarious, heartbreaking, and insightful. Please, go watch!
Monday, March 26, 2007
Okay, SEATTLE!
My earlier post got me motivated to download all the Seattle pictures from my visit with Kathleen. In short, the trip was AWESOME! I don't think we stopped talking all weekend (even Brett commented on how we wouldn't shut up--apparently we kept him awake a few nights because of it!) and we went all over the city. If you ever need a Seattle tour guide, Kathleen is your girl!
No trip to Seattle is complete with a trip to the Troll on Troll Ave! Kathleen and I thought about climbing up on his arm, but, well, we were too chicken. It's a lot steeper than it looks!
Then we saw these two Hummer limos just parked on a random street. It seemed odd, so I took a picture. What can I say, it had us in stitches at the time!
Then Kathleen took me on a tour of the building where she works, and in addition to the very cool elevator room, we got to go up on the roof. What a view! This is me, being very goofy (and windblown!) with the Space Needle.
We met up with our friend Minda a couple of times, which was a blast. She just had a gorgeous baby girl, and I had a hard time believing her when she said that the little one was a handful at home. All she did was sleep and coo when we were around! I can only hope to be so lucky with Button!
And finally, the two of us at the airport just before I left for home. We had our millionth cup of yummy Seattle coffee here, and I was very reluctant to get on the plane.
And, in other news, my latest belly shot (20 weeks 2 days) is below. I'm officially feeling huge!
No trip to Seattle is complete with a trip to the Troll on Troll Ave! Kathleen and I thought about climbing up on his arm, but, well, we were too chicken. It's a lot steeper than it looks!
Then we saw these two Hummer limos just parked on a random street. It seemed odd, so I took a picture. What can I say, it had us in stitches at the time!
Then Kathleen took me on a tour of the building where she works, and in addition to the very cool elevator room, we got to go up on the roof. What a view! This is me, being very goofy (and windblown!) with the Space Needle.
We met up with our friend Minda a couple of times, which was a blast. She just had a gorgeous baby girl, and I had a hard time believing her when she said that the little one was a handful at home. All she did was sleep and coo when we were around! I can only hope to be so lucky with Button!
And finally, the two of us at the airport just before I left for home. We had our millionth cup of yummy Seattle coffee here, and I was very reluctant to get on the plane.
And, in other news, my latest belly shot (20 weeks 2 days) is below. I'm officially feeling huge!
Friday, March 09, 2007
SPRING BREAK, WOOOOOOOO!!!
Today was the last day of school before the start of Spring Break, and I could have kissed the loudspeaker when the final bell rang at the stroke of 3:50. Disgusting, yes, but very, very tempting under the circumstances. It's been a long 9 weeks since the kids came back from Christmas break, and between their spring fever and my recent insomnia-induced bad moods, we're all in desperate need of a VACATION from one another.
Of course, there's still the eensy weensy matter of the 15 page term paper I have to write for one of my grad classes before the week is up, but overall this Spring Break is going to be one of relaxation and indulgence. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with some girlfriends, Juan has another day off (!!!), then we have our big ultrasound with Button on Tuesday, and THEN, I take off to visit the always-fabulous Kathleen on Thursday. If last year is any indication, we will probably spend our time together behaving badly in public, spending too much money on purses, and generally enjoying the hell out of ourselves. I can't wait!
In other news, HOLLY SHIT WE'RE FINDING OUT IF BUTTON IS A BOY OR A GIRL ON TUESDAY!!!
Of course, there's still the eensy weensy matter of the 15 page term paper I have to write for one of my grad classes before the week is up, but overall this Spring Break is going to be one of relaxation and indulgence. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with some girlfriends, Juan has another day off (!!!), then we have our big ultrasound with Button on Tuesday, and THEN, I take off to visit the always-fabulous Kathleen on Thursday. If last year is any indication, we will probably spend our time together behaving badly in public, spending too much money on purses, and generally enjoying the hell out of ourselves. I can't wait!
In other news, HOLLY SHIT WE'RE FINDING OUT IF BUTTON IS A BOY OR A GIRL ON TUESDAY!!!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Kicking around my head
I think I'm recovering.
In the past two weeks, I've been able to have conversations about potential (and actual) accidental pregnancies with several friends who needed support. For the first time in almost two years, I didn't feel like crying when thinking about someone else getting pregnant without even trying. I was able to be there for my friends, to talk them through their feelings, and to keep in mind that the conversation was about them, not about me.
This is huge. I know I couldn't have done it before getting pregnant myself, and I honestly don't think that I could have even done it during my first trimester. Every day that goes by I feel more like a normal, healthy pregnant woman, and not like someone who is broken inside. I don't feel like a leper anymore. I don't feel out of place in the "normal" crowd. It's something that continues to both puzzle and delight me, but it also has less positive implications for other parts of my life.
Mel has a great post at Stirrup Queens right now about belonging in the infertility community. Her (admirable) opinion is that once a member, always a member. Pregnancy doesn't mean that your membership is revoked, and no matter how you get pregnant, your feelings while going through infertility were real and valid and should always be respected as such. I read her post last night and almost cried because I don't feel like I belong anymore. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm pregnant or the fact that I was ultimately able to get pregnant without ART, but I no longer feel like I'm a "real" member of the community.
On a purely clinical level, my issue has to do with the fact that I was unquestionably infertile before the lap but have no idea whether the surgery fixed everything permanantly or not. Am I considered subfertile? Fertile for awhile? Fertile for good? No one knows, and honestly we probably won't know until Juan and I start trying for #2. That won't be happening for quite awhile, and until then I'm just not sure where I fall. Without a definitive diagnosis (and goodness knows I'm not going to spend much time thinking about the fact that I'm back in the pre-diagnosis phase) I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm caught between the infertile and fertile worlds and not completely sure I belong in either. "Recovering" seems to be the best term for how I think of myself at the moment, but as grateful as I am for everything that's happened to me since Thanksgiving, I'm also grieving for what I've lost. I miss feeling like I belong to a group, and as much as I my head agrees with Mel that once someone has gone through the pain of infertility they should belong to that group forever, my heart isn't so sure.
Being infertile was a huge part of my identity for a long time, and I guess my ultimate question is who am I now? What emotional identity comes between infertilty and motherhood?
In the past two weeks, I've been able to have conversations about potential (and actual) accidental pregnancies with several friends who needed support. For the first time in almost two years, I didn't feel like crying when thinking about someone else getting pregnant without even trying. I was able to be there for my friends, to talk them through their feelings, and to keep in mind that the conversation was about them, not about me.
This is huge. I know I couldn't have done it before getting pregnant myself, and I honestly don't think that I could have even done it during my first trimester. Every day that goes by I feel more like a normal, healthy pregnant woman, and not like someone who is broken inside. I don't feel like a leper anymore. I don't feel out of place in the "normal" crowd. It's something that continues to both puzzle and delight me, but it also has less positive implications for other parts of my life.
Mel has a great post at Stirrup Queens right now about belonging in the infertility community. Her (admirable) opinion is that once a member, always a member. Pregnancy doesn't mean that your membership is revoked, and no matter how you get pregnant, your feelings while going through infertility were real and valid and should always be respected as such. I read her post last night and almost cried because I don't feel like I belong anymore. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm pregnant or the fact that I was ultimately able to get pregnant without ART, but I no longer feel like I'm a "real" member of the community.
On a purely clinical level, my issue has to do with the fact that I was unquestionably infertile before the lap but have no idea whether the surgery fixed everything permanantly or not. Am I considered subfertile? Fertile for awhile? Fertile for good? No one knows, and honestly we probably won't know until Juan and I start trying for #2. That won't be happening for quite awhile, and until then I'm just not sure where I fall. Without a definitive diagnosis (and goodness knows I'm not going to spend much time thinking about the fact that I'm back in the pre-diagnosis phase) I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm caught between the infertile and fertile worlds and not completely sure I belong in either. "Recovering" seems to be the best term for how I think of myself at the moment, but as grateful as I am for everything that's happened to me since Thanksgiving, I'm also grieving for what I've lost. I miss feeling like I belong to a group, and as much as I my head agrees with Mel that once someone has gone through the pain of infertility they should belong to that group forever, my heart isn't so sure.
Being infertile was a huge part of my identity for a long time, and I guess my ultimate question is who am I now? What emotional identity comes between infertilty and motherhood?
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Happy (belated) Blog-iversary
So, the actual 1 year anniversary of this blog was a week ago, but seeing as how I've been drowning in work (and living in a lot of denial about how much I still have left to do every night for the next couple of months) I didn't notice. Oops! So, happy blogiversary to me!
I thought I'd take a look back everything that's happened to me over the last year. Note, this was originally supposed to come with links, but I'm too damn tired and overwhelmed with work to add them. Sorry, but you can navigate by months on my sidebar if you'd like to read posts I mention here
January:
-Began this blog
-Started the spiral into a depression over not being pregnant
-Put our condo on the market
February
-Took a fantastic trip to Boston and Maine
-Had the best Valentine's Day on record
-Got in a car accident
-Finally called my doctor to start the fertility testing process
-Took the infamous photo of a knife I almost stabbed Juan in the foot with
March
-Hit a peak in my depression over not being able to get pregnant
-Had the crappiest 25th birthday on record
-Visited my family in Utah and posted about all the things I dislike about my home state
-Was picked up as an evil liberal blogger on a conservative Utah blog for the aforementioned post
-Still didn't sell our condo
April
-Had my first RE appointment with the most evil Nurse Practitioner known to man
-Took a trip to California with a mysterious "Item X"
-Had my HSG and was officially diagnosed as infertile
-Took a trip to our new town and placed an offer on a house
May
-Lost our contract on the house because our condo still hadn't sold
-Wrote my all-time favorite post on being an infertile 20-something
-Quit my job
-Got an offer on our condo
-Lost our buyer after just a week
-Found out that our dream house in Texas was back on the market and placed a new offer
-Got another offeron the condo from a new buyer
-My dad was hit by a car while riding his bike in North Carolina
-J graduated from medical school
-Left DC for Texas
June
-Took a trip to Vegas
-Entered a new chapter in infertility-related depression
-Closed on our Texas house and moved in
-Did not find a job
July
-Started seeing a new doctor about infertility
-Adopted Jasper
-Got admitted to grad school to become a teacher
August
-Survived our massive flooding
-Still didn't have a job
-Joined Operation Common Thread
-Celebrated my parents' 25th wedding anniversary
-Started school
September
-Had a laparoscopy and FINALLY got a diagnosis for our infertility--scar tissue
-Wrote an angry letter to NBC over a stupid, prejudicial story they did on young, infertile women
-Encountered the centipedes from hell
-Interviewed for a job as a high school English teacher
-Took a road trip to Utah
October
-Didn't hear from the school after my interview, assumed I didn't get the job
-Got another negative pregnancy test
-GOT THE TEACHING POSITION!
-Decided to hold off on calling the RE to start IUIs
-Started my 20th cycle of TTC
November
-Was busy at work
-GOT PREGNANT!!!
-Our cat Codi went into heart failure and spent a week in critical condition
December
-Codi came home!
-Finished my first semester of teaching
-Annouced my pregnancy to my family and the internet at large
I thought I'd take a look back everything that's happened to me over the last year. Note, this was originally supposed to come with links, but I'm too damn tired and overwhelmed with work to add them. Sorry, but you can navigate by months on my sidebar if you'd like to read posts I mention here
January:
-Began this blog
-Started the spiral into a depression over not being pregnant
-Put our condo on the market
February
-Took a fantastic trip to Boston and Maine
-Had the best Valentine's Day on record
-Got in a car accident
-Finally called my doctor to start the fertility testing process
-Took the infamous photo of a knife I almost stabbed Juan in the foot with
March
-Hit a peak in my depression over not being able to get pregnant
-Had the crappiest 25th birthday on record
-Visited my family in Utah and posted about all the things I dislike about my home state
-Was picked up as an evil liberal blogger on a conservative Utah blog for the aforementioned post
-Still didn't sell our condo
April
-Had my first RE appointment with the most evil Nurse Practitioner known to man
-Took a trip to California with a mysterious "Item X"
-Had my HSG and was officially diagnosed as infertile
-Took a trip to our new town and placed an offer on a house
May
-Lost our contract on the house because our condo still hadn't sold
-Wrote my all-time favorite post on being an infertile 20-something
-Quit my job
-Got an offer on our condo
-Lost our buyer after just a week
-Found out that our dream house in Texas was back on the market and placed a new offer
-Got another offeron the condo from a new buyer
-My dad was hit by a car while riding his bike in North Carolina
-J graduated from medical school
-Left DC for Texas
June
-Took a trip to Vegas
-Entered a new chapter in infertility-related depression
-Closed on our Texas house and moved in
-Did not find a job
July
-Started seeing a new doctor about infertility
-Adopted Jasper
-Got admitted to grad school to become a teacher
August
-Survived our massive flooding
-Still didn't have a job
-Joined Operation Common Thread
-Celebrated my parents' 25th wedding anniversary
-Started school
September
-Had a laparoscopy and FINALLY got a diagnosis for our infertility--scar tissue
-Wrote an angry letter to NBC over a stupid, prejudicial story they did on young, infertile women
-Encountered the centipedes from hell
-Interviewed for a job as a high school English teacher
-Took a road trip to Utah
October
-Didn't hear from the school after my interview, assumed I didn't get the job
-Got another negative pregnancy test
-GOT THE TEACHING POSITION!
-Decided to hold off on calling the RE to start IUIs
-Started my 20th cycle of TTC
November
-Was busy at work
-GOT PREGNANT!!!
-Our cat Codi went into heart failure and spent a week in critical condition
December
-Codi came home!
-Finished my first semester of teaching
-Annouced my pregnancy to my family and the internet at large
Sunday, December 31, 2006
So long, 2006--don't let the door hit you on the way out
Can I say how happy I am that 2006 is over? The year started with confronting infertility and starting the testing process, then my dad was hit by a car 2,500 miles from home, then there was family drama, then we moved cross-country, then I was unemployed, then we figured out why we hadn't gotten pregnant yet, then I got my dream job, then our cat almost died, and then I got pregnant. For a year that ended on such an amazing note, though, most of 2006 really sucked. While my family was visiting for Christmas we agreed that our collective New Year's resolution was that no one (save for me in August) end up in the hospital. We'd better all keep that resolution.
I have so many hopes for 2007. Mostly I hope for a healthy pregnancy, but I also hope that J's internship and residency continues to go well. I hope that my sister gets into the nursing program she's been working so hard to qualify for since last year. I hope that my parents and in-laws stay healthy and that we see lots of them. I hope that we have zero pet health emergencies. I hope my friends (who had even rougher years in 2006 than I did) get the news they've been praying for. I hope this war starts to come to a conclusion. I hope the Democrats don't screw up leadership of the House and the Senate. I hope our leaders start listening to reason. I hope for so many things, and have hope that at least most of my hopes will come true.
I have so many hopes for 2007. Mostly I hope for a healthy pregnancy, but I also hope that J's internship and residency continues to go well. I hope that my sister gets into the nursing program she's been working so hard to qualify for since last year. I hope that my parents and in-laws stay healthy and that we see lots of them. I hope that we have zero pet health emergencies. I hope my friends (who had even rougher years in 2006 than I did) get the news they've been praying for. I hope this war starts to come to a conclusion. I hope the Democrats don't screw up leadership of the House and the Senate. I hope our leaders start listening to reason. I hope for so many things, and have hope that at least most of my hopes will come true.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Speaking Up
Hypothetical question: Say you're infertile. Say that you share this information with a (formerly) close friend, share your blog address, and in doing so share all your deep, innermost secret thoughts about how it's killing you not to be able to get pregnant. Say this friend essentially cuts off all contact with you for six months, then shows up again out of the blue. Say that after exchanging a few e-mails she tells you that she's pregnant and then disappears again. What do you do?
If you're me, you let it eat at you for months before deciding to write a blog post about it.
Here's the thing--I don't want to be treated like a pariah. I don't want people to feel like they have to cut off all contact with me if they get pregnant before I do. That's not friendship. If you don't know what to say, ask me. If you feel uncomfortable, tell me. If you're just not sure how to act around me, start a conversation. Don't just abandon me. Don't just pretend we were never close.
I don't even know if the person I'm writing about even still reads this blog. Part of me hopes that she doesn't because of how much sensitive information I post here. I don't want someone who doesn't value our friendship to know some of these things. Then again, part of me hopes that she does occasionally check in because I need her to know how I feel. I need her to know that her actions had repercussions, and that she's hurt me. Deeply.
If you're me, you let it eat at you for months before deciding to write a blog post about it.
Here's the thing--I don't want to be treated like a pariah. I don't want people to feel like they have to cut off all contact with me if they get pregnant before I do. That's not friendship. If you don't know what to say, ask me. If you feel uncomfortable, tell me. If you're just not sure how to act around me, start a conversation. Don't just abandon me. Don't just pretend we were never close.
I don't even know if the person I'm writing about even still reads this blog. Part of me hopes that she doesn't because of how much sensitive information I post here. I don't want someone who doesn't value our friendship to know some of these things. Then again, part of me hopes that she does occasionally check in because I need her to know how I feel. I need her to know that her actions had repercussions, and that she's hurt me. Deeply.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Empathy and Infertility
Today's post over at Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters got me thinking, and rather than write a novel in the comments section, I decided to write a spin-off post here. To wit, what obligation does an infertile woman have to be (or at least act) happy when a friend or family member announces their pregnancy?
To be honest, I struggle a lot with this issue. In the 16 months since J and I started trying to become parents, more friends than I can count have had babies or gotten pregnant. Some went through infertility, and I wept tears of joy when I heard those announcements. Most of the others, however, had little to no trouble conceiving, and I didn't take their pregnancy news very well. Eventually I do put on a happy face in front of all of my pregnant friends, but I also start avoiding many of them. It's not the best thing for our friendship, but it's a necessary act of self-preservation when I'm just so sad about my own infertility that I can't stand to see them with their cute bellies and stories about bizarre food cravings. Who has the greater burden in this situation to be empathetic to the other person's needs, though? Is it me, the infertile, or my friend, the happily pregnant woman?
In my opinion, there are two answers to this question. If the friend doesn't know about my infertility, the burden would fall squarely on my shoulders to either explain the situation (that I was happy for her, but going through my own fertility struggles, so I might not be able to participate in all the baby-related conversations and events) or to just "suck it up and deal." In this situation, I don't think it would be fair for me, or any infertile woman, to break off the friendship without any explanation. A real friend doesn't do something like that.
In my case, however, almost all of my friends know that we're having trouble conceiving. So who does the burden fall on under these circumstances? I think it's on both of us. I have the burden to offer a newly pregnant friend my congratulations, but as my friend, she has the obligation to tell me her news in a way that is sensitive to my situation. This is where I think a lot of fertile/infertile communication breaks down because it's assumed that good news automatically trumps bad news or a bad situation. No matter how down in the dumps you are, you're expected to smile and be happy when something good happens to someone else. Any other reaction gets you a "bitch" or "bad friend" label. Friendship is about empathy and support, though, and if your friends can't be supportive when you're going through a major life crisis (like infertility) why should you have to be supportive when they're going through an equally major positive life change (like pregnancy)?
It seems so obvious, and yet it's something that so few people truly seem to understand. As I've mentioned before I frequent a number of pregnancy and fertility-related message boards. At this point I actually have a canned reply to anyone who dares to complain about how their infertile friend doesn't want to hang out with them since their pregnancy announcement. It shocks me that these "friends" can't see past their own noses for two seconds to consider that the person they're currently whining about is going through one of the biggest crises of her life. A crisis that calls into question very basic assumptions we all make about what it means to be a woman, what our goals for our future are, and to what lengths we're willing to go just to become mothers. What kind of a friend doesn't have empathy for that kind of pain? To use an analogy I recently heard, it would be like flaunting your engagement in front of a woman who's recently been widowed. No friend would do that, and no friend should flaunt her fertility or pregnancy in front of an infertile friend, or blame that friend for not being able to be overjoyed at the pregnancy news.
Most of the time, however, this isn't what pregnant "friends" of infertiles want to hear. They want to hear that they're right, that their friend is being selfish, and that even infertility shouldn't stand in the way of planning a BFF's baby shower complete with diaper cake. Some do listen, though, and those are the friends all infertile women wish we had. Those women want to be good friends, even if it means not being able to share the daily joys and sorrows of pregnancy with someone close to them. I'm fortunate to have a number of fertile friends who "get it", and I hope that when they read this they understand why. Friendship has to go both ways, or it was never a real friendship to begin with.
The sad thing is, this isn't the kind of issue that will ever really be resolved. There will always be "friends" who are just too clueless to realize how badly you're hurting, and ones whose knee jerk reaction when you don't jump for joy that they're having a baby after just one month of trying is to call you selfish and mean. All any of us can do is to try to talk about why that's really not the case, and to surround ourselves with only the people we trust to understand our pain and mixed emotions as well as possible. In the end, those are only friendships that are worth having anyway.
To be honest, I struggle a lot with this issue. In the 16 months since J and I started trying to become parents, more friends than I can count have had babies or gotten pregnant. Some went through infertility, and I wept tears of joy when I heard those announcements. Most of the others, however, had little to no trouble conceiving, and I didn't take their pregnancy news very well. Eventually I do put on a happy face in front of all of my pregnant friends, but I also start avoiding many of them. It's not the best thing for our friendship, but it's a necessary act of self-preservation when I'm just so sad about my own infertility that I can't stand to see them with their cute bellies and stories about bizarre food cravings. Who has the greater burden in this situation to be empathetic to the other person's needs, though? Is it me, the infertile, or my friend, the happily pregnant woman?
In my opinion, there are two answers to this question. If the friend doesn't know about my infertility, the burden would fall squarely on my shoulders to either explain the situation (that I was happy for her, but going through my own fertility struggles, so I might not be able to participate in all the baby-related conversations and events) or to just "suck it up and deal." In this situation, I don't think it would be fair for me, or any infertile woman, to break off the friendship without any explanation. A real friend doesn't do something like that.
In my case, however, almost all of my friends know that we're having trouble conceiving. So who does the burden fall on under these circumstances? I think it's on both of us. I have the burden to offer a newly pregnant friend my congratulations, but as my friend, she has the obligation to tell me her news in a way that is sensitive to my situation. This is where I think a lot of fertile/infertile communication breaks down because it's assumed that good news automatically trumps bad news or a bad situation. No matter how down in the dumps you are, you're expected to smile and be happy when something good happens to someone else. Any other reaction gets you a "bitch" or "bad friend" label. Friendship is about empathy and support, though, and if your friends can't be supportive when you're going through a major life crisis (like infertility) why should you have to be supportive when they're going through an equally major positive life change (like pregnancy)?
It seems so obvious, and yet it's something that so few people truly seem to understand. As I've mentioned before I frequent a number of pregnancy and fertility-related message boards. At this point I actually have a canned reply to anyone who dares to complain about how their infertile friend doesn't want to hang out with them since their pregnancy announcement. It shocks me that these "friends" can't see past their own noses for two seconds to consider that the person they're currently whining about is going through one of the biggest crises of her life. A crisis that calls into question very basic assumptions we all make about what it means to be a woman, what our goals for our future are, and to what lengths we're willing to go just to become mothers. What kind of a friend doesn't have empathy for that kind of pain? To use an analogy I recently heard, it would be like flaunting your engagement in front of a woman who's recently been widowed. No friend would do that, and no friend should flaunt her fertility or pregnancy in front of an infertile friend, or blame that friend for not being able to be overjoyed at the pregnancy news.
Most of the time, however, this isn't what pregnant "friends" of infertiles want to hear. They want to hear that they're right, that their friend is being selfish, and that even infertility shouldn't stand in the way of planning a BFF's baby shower complete with diaper cake. Some do listen, though, and those are the friends all infertile women wish we had. Those women want to be good friends, even if it means not being able to share the daily joys and sorrows of pregnancy with someone close to them. I'm fortunate to have a number of fertile friends who "get it", and I hope that when they read this they understand why. Friendship has to go both ways, or it was never a real friendship to begin with.
The sad thing is, this isn't the kind of issue that will ever really be resolved. There will always be "friends" who are just too clueless to realize how badly you're hurting, and ones whose knee jerk reaction when you don't jump for joy that they're having a baby after just one month of trying is to call you selfish and mean. All any of us can do is to try to talk about why that's really not the case, and to surround ourselves with only the people we trust to understand our pain and mixed emotions as well as possible. In the end, those are only friendships that are worth having anyway.
Friday, June 30, 2006
In Memory Of Evelyn
One year ago today, tragedy struck my friend Brandi's family. Her five-year-old niece, Evelyn Miller, went missing from her Iowa home. After days of searching, Evelyn was found murdered in a local river.
The investigation into Evelyn's death is still open, and her killer has yet to be arrested.
I didn't know Evelyn personally. Over the last year, though, I've heard so many stories of what a great kid she was. How much she loved her younger brothers, how she enjoyed spending time with Brandi and her husband Joe, and how much she loved getting to dress up as a flower girl in Brandi's wedding. She was a five-year-old girl whose life was cut tragically short, and whose family misses her every day.
A memorial fund has been set up in Evelyn's memory. The fund will be used to make donations to community programs in Evelyn's name. Anyone interested in making a donation can send it to:
Evelyn Miller Memorial Fund
First Security Bank & Trust
809 Clark St., PO Box 577
Charles City, IA 50616
Just call us Mr. and Mrs. Social Butterfly
What a week! J's team at the hospital has been having one social function after another this week, and we're kind of pooped! Wednesday night we went to a baseball game, last night it was a barbeque at his program supervisor's house, and tonight we're hosting a few friends from his medical school for a pre-start of internship dinner. Saturday he's officially an Intern, and I may not see him again for the next three years.
It's nice to be getting out so much, though. One of my biggest problems when I moved to DC was that I didn't meet many friends until we'd been there for over a year. That first year was tough, especially since I'd come from my hometown where I have a close-knit group of friends I've known since high school. Right now I'm spending a lot of time getting to know the wives of J's colleagues, and so far they all seem like really nice, down-to-earth women. I'm almost embarassed to say this, but I'm especially loving the group because only one of the intern's wives has kids. All the others are around my age and childless. After that first social function where I was the only woman there without a toddler or baby in tow (I later discovered that all the wives I met there were married to second or third year residents) I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to really hang out with or relate to any of the other wives in the program. Happily, that doesn't appear to be the case.
I'm liking this place more and more every day.
It's nice to be getting out so much, though. One of my biggest problems when I moved to DC was that I didn't meet many friends until we'd been there for over a year. That first year was tough, especially since I'd come from my hometown where I have a close-knit group of friends I've known since high school. Right now I'm spending a lot of time getting to know the wives of J's colleagues, and so far they all seem like really nice, down-to-earth women. I'm almost embarassed to say this, but I'm especially loving the group because only one of the intern's wives has kids. All the others are around my age and childless. After that first social function where I was the only woman there without a toddler or baby in tow (I later discovered that all the wives I met there were married to second or third year residents) I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to really hang out with or relate to any of the other wives in the program. Happily, that doesn't appear to be the case.
I'm liking this place more and more every day.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Good Things
This blog has officially become to whiney. There ARE good things happening in my life, as astonishing as it may seem if you come here very often. Here are just a few things I'm happy about.
1) My awesome mind/body fertility class--This class has really changed my outlook on both infertility and how I deal with everyday stress. I tend to automatically think worst case scenario whenever a roadblock pops up or something doesn't go the way I expected. Even just a few weeks of structured meditations and really thinking about my reactions have made a difference in how I handle stress.
2) My angel kitties--We had to board the cats while we were in our new city two weeks ago because we couldn't trust Arcadia not to pee on any of the furniture when we were both away for so long. Amazingly, not only did they do okay being boarded, but we've had no peeing incidents and no threatened peeing incidents since we brought them home, even when 12 strange people came to the house Saturday night.
3) Work--Even though I'm very glad to be finishing things up here at the office next Friday, there's a good chance that I'll be able to continue doing some contract work for the office after the move. This would be awesome for several reasons, mostly because of the money. Being employed from the get-go would be a very, very good thing.
4) Family--The in-laws start arriving next Saturday, and my parents will get here on the 19th. We're going to spend a lot of time touristing around and getting to visit, which I'm really looking forward to.
5) Snarkies--I cannot, CANNOT overemphasize how happy I am to have these women in my life. If nothing else, they're a constant source of support and humor in my day, and that means the world when nothing else is going the way I've planned.
1) My awesome mind/body fertility class--This class has really changed my outlook on both infertility and how I deal with everyday stress. I tend to automatically think worst case scenario whenever a roadblock pops up or something doesn't go the way I expected. Even just a few weeks of structured meditations and really thinking about my reactions have made a difference in how I handle stress.
2) My angel kitties--We had to board the cats while we were in our new city two weeks ago because we couldn't trust Arcadia not to pee on any of the furniture when we were both away for so long. Amazingly, not only did they do okay being boarded, but we've had no peeing incidents and no threatened peeing incidents since we brought them home, even when 12 strange people came to the house Saturday night.
3) Work--Even though I'm very glad to be finishing things up here at the office next Friday, there's a good chance that I'll be able to continue doing some contract work for the office after the move. This would be awesome for several reasons, mostly because of the money. Being employed from the get-go would be a very, very good thing.
4) Family--The in-laws start arriving next Saturday, and my parents will get here on the 19th. We're going to spend a lot of time touristing around and getting to visit, which I'm really looking forward to.
5) Snarkies--I cannot, CANNOT overemphasize how happy I am to have these women in my life. If nothing else, they're a constant source of support and humor in my day, and that means the world when nothing else is going the way I've planned.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Weekend Roundup
The sellers of the home we want in our new city accepted a second offer on Saturday. This means that we have until COB tomorrow (Tuesday) to waive the contingency in our contract or we'll lose the house. Since we can't swing two mortgages, we're not going to waive the contingency unless we get an offer in the next 24 hours. Both J and I are bummed about it, but not devastated. I think we both knew there was a good chance this would happen, and no matter what we know that we'll eventually get into a great house down there. Probably not THIS great house, though.
In other news, I had a party with my DC friends over the weekend and had a ton of fun even though it was probably the last time I'll see some of them. We laughed, gossiped about girly stuff, and J came home just as we started talking about puberty. Good times. I'm going to miss them all very, very much, and I'm getting a little teary eyed just sitting here writing about them.
Coming up this week I have a follow-up appointment with the RE (my first since the HSG) to talk about next steps. Since they didn't find anything abnormal during the HSG, I'm not entirely sure where we'll go from here. There are more tests that they may want to run, but we don't have much time left here and I'm not entirely sure I want to continue with that clinic.
That's pretty much all that's happening at the moment. Just have to buckle down and push through these next two weeks of work before the family starts arriving for J's graduation.
In other news, I had a party with my DC friends over the weekend and had a ton of fun even though it was probably the last time I'll see some of them. We laughed, gossiped about girly stuff, and J came home just as we started talking about puberty. Good times. I'm going to miss them all very, very much, and I'm getting a little teary eyed just sitting here writing about them.
Coming up this week I have a follow-up appointment with the RE (my first since the HSG) to talk about next steps. Since they didn't find anything abnormal during the HSG, I'm not entirely sure where we'll go from here. There are more tests that they may want to run, but we don't have much time left here and I'm not entirely sure I want to continue with that clinic.
That's pretty much all that's happening at the moment. Just have to buckle down and push through these next two weeks of work before the family starts arriving for J's graduation.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Much Improved
Last night definitely made up for my crappy, crappy day.
After posting on my blog, I got a flood of e-mails and phone calls from friends and family wishing me a happier birthday. It meant a lot. After we got home, J volunteered to take me to dinner anywhere I wanted even though we hadn't really planned to go out until Friday, and we ended up getting takeout from one of my favorite places. Then we hung out at home, watched "Monk", and went to bed. After the day I had, it was exactly what I needed.
Sometimes I think that I take J for granted. I know that he doesn't fully understand why I'm feeling the way I am, but he tries. I'm not the easiest person to live with these days, and in spite of that he does his best to keep me happy. Right now, keeping me happy is a really tough job. Some days (like yesterday) are bad, others (like today seems to be) are better. Hopefully the good days will continue to outnumber the bad ones.
Still coming: the political Utah post. I'm working on it, but it's proving to be harder than I thought.
After posting on my blog, I got a flood of e-mails and phone calls from friends and family wishing me a happier birthday. It meant a lot. After we got home, J volunteered to take me to dinner anywhere I wanted even though we hadn't really planned to go out until Friday, and we ended up getting takeout from one of my favorite places. Then we hung out at home, watched "Monk", and went to bed. After the day I had, it was exactly what I needed.
Sometimes I think that I take J for granted. I know that he doesn't fully understand why I'm feeling the way I am, but he tries. I'm not the easiest person to live with these days, and in spite of that he does his best to keep me happy. Right now, keeping me happy is a really tough job. Some days (like yesterday) are bad, others (like today seems to be) are better. Hopefully the good days will continue to outnumber the bad ones.
Still coming: the political Utah post. I'm working on it, but it's proving to be harder than I thought.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)