Wait, didn't I just have a vacation?

Seriously, I need another week off. This week has been nothing but workworkworkworkwork, and it's only Wednesday. It's not just teaching, either, though trust me that it's been a massive struggle to get the kids to do anything other than stare blankly at the wall and drool this week. I've also had a boatload of work (including a MASSIVE research paper that came just on the heels of an even more massive midterm) for school, and knowing that there's still around a month left of my classes is making me feel overwhelmed and discouraged. I actually got to a point today where I called up a friend and fellow classmate in a dead panic becuase for some reason I'd managed to convince myself that I was doing my in-line citations (for the paper that was due tonight) incorrectly. The fact that I teach the research paper format and thus really do know how to do them didn't factor into the equation.

My last two pre-baby classes this summer cannot be this hard because if they are, I'm not going to make it.

The bottom line is that I'm really, really tired. I think part of it is that I'm sick at the moment, and I just don't do "sick" very well even when I'm not feeling totally overwhelmed by my life, so I have to place at least some of the blame on the fact that I feel like crap. I'm hoping to get an opportunity to really relax this weekend, but given that I have another research paper proposal due on Sunday, it may not happen.

Happy (belated) Blog-iversary

So, the actual 1 year anniversary of this blog was a week ago, but seeing as how I've been drowning in work (and living in a lot of denial about how much I still have left to do every night for the next couple of months) I didn't notice. Oops! So, happy blogiversary to me!

I thought I'd take a look back everything that's happened to me over the last year. Note, this was originally supposed to come with links, but I'm too damn tired and overwhelmed with work to add them. Sorry, but you can navigate by months on my sidebar if you'd like to read posts I mention here

January:
-Began this blog
-Started the spiral into a depression over not being pregnant
-Put our condo on the market

February
-Took a fantastic trip to Boston and Maine
-Had the best Valentine's Day on record
-Got in a car accident
-Finally called my doctor to start the fertility testing process
-Took the infamous photo of a knife I almost stabbed Juan in the foot with

March
-Hit a peak in my depression over not being able to get pregnant
-Had the crappiest 25th birthday on record
-Visited my family in Utah and posted about all the things I dislike about my home state
-Was picked up as an evil liberal blogger on a conservative Utah blog for the aforementioned post
-Still didn't sell our condo

April
-Had my first RE appointment with the most evil Nurse Practitioner known to man
-Took a trip to California with a mysterious "Item X"
-Had my HSG and was officially diagnosed as infertile
-Took a trip to our new town and placed an offer on a house

May
-Lost our contract on the house because our condo still hadn't sold
-Wrote my all-time favorite post on being an infertile 20-something
-Quit my job
-Got an offer on our condo
-Lost our buyer after just a week
-Found out that our dream house in Texas was back on the market and placed a new offer
-Got another offeron the condo from a new buyer
-My dad was hit by a car while riding his bike in North Carolina
-J graduated from medical school
-Left DC for Texas

June
-Took a trip to Vegas
-Entered a new chapter in infertility-related depression
-Closed on our Texas house and moved in
-Did not find a job

July
-Started seeing a new doctor about infertility
-Adopted Jasper
-Got admitted to grad school to become a teacher

August
-Survived our massive flooding
-Still didn't have a job
-Joined Operation Common Thread
-Celebrated my parents' 25th wedding anniversary
-Started school

September
-Had a laparoscopy and FINALLY got a diagnosis for our infertility--scar tissue
-Wrote an angry letter to NBC over a stupid, prejudicial story they did on young, infertile women
-Encountered the centipedes from hell
-Interviewed for a job as a high school English teacher
-Took a road trip to Utah

October
-Didn't hear from the school after my interview, assumed I didn't get the job
-Got another negative pregnancy test
-GOT THE TEACHING POSITION!
-Decided to hold off on calling the RE to start IUIs
-Started my 20th cycle of TTC

November
-Was busy at work
-GOT PREGNANT!!!
-Our cat Codi went into heart failure and spent a week in critical condition

December
-Codi came home!
-Finished my first semester of teaching
-Annouced my pregnancy to my family and the internet at large

Why do I do this to myself? (or, I suck at staying on task)

I have so much work to do tonight, it's not even funny. Lesson planning for two classes that I somehow neglected to do last weekend (oops), finishing up some homework for my own online class, reviewing all 5 hours of the BBC Pride and Prejudice to find the good parts that can be shown in 90 minutes, and grading. Oh, and did I mention that it's officially a month past Christmas and our tree is still up?

To top it off, I had a total meltdown at work today. I think the pregnancy hormones are finally kicking in, because I was in TEARS over the fact that an assignment I spent a long time writing for my online class got eaten by the stupid class software, so I had to rewrite it. I cried to the IT guru over the phone (who, to his credit, did not hang up on me when I started making unreasonable demands), to J, who I paged at work just so I could bitch and whine, and finally to my empty classroom. I think I honestly expected that one of the three would be able to pull out a magic wand and re-create my lost work, but sadly reality set in and I realized that I had to do it myself. So, after pouting and whining to the Snarkies, I did the assignment over again. It didn't take too long, which told me that I seriously overreacted in the first place, but it was really the straw that broke this camel's proverbial back.

With all of this on my plate, and the drama of this afternoon behind me, you'd think that I would have come home and started working immediately, wouldn't you? Oh no. Not me. Instead I have:

-ordered a pizza
-managed to cut myself (with my own fingernail) while peeling an orange
-devoured a large portion of the above pizza
-watched part of Dr. Phil
-watched all of last night's super-long Top Chef (why I even bother at this point is beyond me since I hate all of the contestants)
-let the dog out seven or eight times
-read blogs
-written this entry

All very productive and work-related activities, right? Yeah. So, it's now almost 7:00, I need to go to bed around 8:00 if I'm going to wake up for school early enough tomorrow to make the trillion or so handouts I need for my first class, and I've got maybe four or five hours of work staring me in the face. Guess it's time to go make some cupcakes!

Does Not Play Well With Others

I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Not only am I officially taking over my classroom tomorrow, but one of my team members in the online class I'm taking this semester has totally dropped the ball, leaving the rest of us SOL. We absolutely cannot finish our assignment without her, and it's due early tomorrow.

I hate group work. No, let me rephrase that, I DESPISE group work. I don't like trying to compromise with people when I know their ideas are wrong or dumb, I don't like having to postpone finishing an assignment because someone else is being lazy, and I really don't like having to pick up the slack when one of my team members flakes out on me.

Ugh. She's a sweet lady, but if we get a zero on this assignment, I may have to kill her.

UPDATED: Finally, at 9:00 at night, she checks in. Freaking 9:00 at night on a Sunday! I cannot wait for this class to be over.

Making Barnes & Noble Very Happy

My big project this weekend (besides going to my first class, which I'll talk about later) was buying my textbooks. I went in to the bookstore expecting to come away with two or three books, and came out with these:



Yeah, I got a little carried away. No one can say that I'm not going to be prepared, though!

Class on Saturday was okay. Not great, but the instructor seems like she knows what she's talking about and my classmates are friendly and just as excited to be there as I am. Two complaints, though. The first is that the class apparently started last week. That's right, I missed the first day of class. Fortunately so did almost all the other students because the department told us all to come on the wrong day. Oops. The instructor didn't penalize us for not coming on the first day (how could she?) but I now have a boatload of homework to get finished this week.

My second complaint is that at the last minute the instructor decided to change the course format from all in-person to half in-person and half online. On one hand I wasn't really looking forward to spending all of my Saturdays until Christmas in class, but on the other hand, I wanted to take an in-person class for a reason. Oh well. Maybe next semester.

In non-school news, I think we may have reached a breakthrough with Jasper and the cats. Last night all three animals spent the evening in the same room, and there was very little growling or chasing happening. Hopefully this behavior continues!

First Day of School Jitters

Tomorrow is the first day of class for the in-person course I'm taking this semester. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little nervous, or that (dork alert) I haven't already picked out what I'm planning to wear.

This isn't really my first day of school since my online class started on Tuesday (and yes, I did manage to figure everything out, so yay!) but there's a real difference between taking an online class and sitting in a room with other students and a professor. Plus no one can see my cute first day outfit over the internet.

In other school-related news, one of the local districts has an opening for an English teacher and someone from their HR department actually called me earlier this week to make sure that I applied for the job. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I confess to squealing and jumping up and down a bit after I hung up the phone.

Wish me luck!

Confused by that Newfangled Internet Thingy

Remember when I decided to go back to school to become a teacher? And how excited I was about buying school supplies and paying tuition? Yeah, I'm getting over it.

I got a call from the university this morning to let me know that a class I really wanted to take had an opening in one of the online sections, and did I want to enroll? Of course I did! This was the one class I was really bummed about not getting to take right away, and while I had never taken an online class before I figured that at least this meant I wouldn't have to commute to campus more than once a week. Saving gas is good! The woman at the university gave me some kind of code (note: I didn't bother finding out what the code was for, just wrote it down in my day planner) and told me that she'd e-mail me more details about the online program.

Now, either she was incredibly busy this morning or I'm an idiot, because her e-mail made no sense whatsoever. It was an e-mail that had originally been sent to the course's instructor and said nothing specific about what a student had to do in order to navigate the online course software. One of the links in the e-mail seemed somewhat helpful, though, so I followed it to the massive, scary University of Texas System page.

Disclaimer: as a general rule, I think that I'm a fairly savvy internet-type person. I have a blog, I know a little HTML (watch how I can make my words bold or underlined), and I can order a pizza from the comfort of my laptop. I'm not an IT professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I tend to understand how to do things on a computer. I'm apparently not as knowledgeable as I thought though, because I have no freaking clue what I'm supposed to do in order to access my class online. I can't even figure out what day it starts!

After spending a good 45 minutes battling panic over not being able to figure out the stupid software (or even how to log in) I sent a mea culpa e-mail to the woman at the university who had originally sent me the supposedly "explanatory" e-mail, begging for some guidance. At the very least, I need to know what this stupid code means! I hope (fingers crossed) that the reason I'm having so many problems is that the university hasn't had time to formally register me for the class yet, so my usual logins and passwords aren't working.

In any case, I'm having flashbacks to my one recurrent college nightmare, in which I discover that I signed up for a class without realizing it, haven't been attending all semester, the final is TODAY, and if I fail, I'll ruin my GPA. I feel completely unprepared and clueless, and it's not pleasant.

How does this make sense???

So, tonight J and I went back-to-school shopping. I needed supplies for my classes (which start on the 26th!) and he wanted to look at computer toys. It's tax-free weekend here because school is starting soon, and there have been ads everywhere about how you should do your school shopping this weekend because there are no taxes on the "essentials". I stupidly assumed that those essentials included school supplies, since pens and paper are sort of...essential when you get to the classroom.

Imagine my surprise when we got to the checkout and the clerk charged us tax on my notebook, pens, day planner, and post-it notes. I asked her about it, and apparently only clothing and shoes are included in the "essential" tax-free items.

I'm sorry, but WTF? If the true intention of this program is to help families afford all of the things they need when kids go back to school (and to help stimulate the local economy) doesn't it make sense to extend the deal to actual school supplies?

Anyway, that's what's annoying me tonight. In other news, downtown residents were allowed to return home today, and while there has been some more flooding due to an overflowing dam in another part of town, we've only had a little more rain, so things are maybe starting to improve.

Project: Grad Student

I was formally accepted into a graduate program earlier today! I received my letter from the program last Friday but didn't want to post anything here until I'd gotten my acceptance from the university as well.

Part of me is intensely freaked out by what I'm doing. If things go right, I could be teaching in a classroom later this month and taking classes myself at night. Everything depends on whether or not a school really, REALLY needs a teacher with my expertise since I'm not certified yet.

Aside from the panic over not really knowing what the hell I'd do in a classroom as a teacher, I'm also a little worried about the possibility that I'll get pregnant before the program is finished. It's not terribly likely, but it is possible, especially if the results from the endometrial biopsy tell us anything new. If we weren't struggling with infertility and had gotten pregnant during the first year we tried, I wouldn't have applied. Part of me is tempted to call it fate, and think of this program as something I was meant to do before we have kids, but I'm not completely convinced that this is true.

In any case, it's sort of a moot point because I'm in the program, classes start soon, and I've got a stack of teaching applications to fill out. Mostly I'm just really happy about this and can't wait to begin. I've missed being a student, and teaching is something that I've been wanting to do since before I graduated from college. I don't know if I'm "meant" to do this or not, but it feels like the start of something exciting, and that's all I really need.

Mission Accomplished

I've had a VERY productive day. This morning I had my doctor's appointment, which was mostly a big waste of time since the sole purpose of the visit was to get me a referral to OB/GYN so they can start my infertility testing again. I did get the referral, though, and one of the nurses even gave me the name of an excellent local RE that she and her husband went to when they were having problems conceiving.

From there I finally went over to the university to drop off my application for the teaching program. I should hear back from them sometime this month. If I'm accepted I'll need to spend a week observing a classroom and then can start my own classes and look for a teaching job.

Speaking of jobs, I GOT ONE!!! My old boss from DC called me late last week and asked if I'd be interested in some part time contract work. I jumped at the opportunity, and can now officially call myself gainfully employed! It's only going to be 10-15 hours a week, and won't last forever, but at least it's something. I also applied for a position at Barnes and Noble today, which I should be a shoo-in for since I worked for the company for many, many years in high school and college.

From there I ran all over the mall to pick up odds and ends that we've been needing, and am now lounging on the couch at home waiting for Fed Ex to arrive with a packet of materials I need to start working. I'm just so happy that things are starting to fall into place.

Some exciting news

Two items of news that I think it's time to share. First, J and I are starting to look into adoption. We're giving the doctors another six months or so to at least diagnose me and possibly do an IUI cycle or two, but after that we're going to make a decision about how far we're willing to take ART before formally beginning the adoption process.

I may or may not write anything else about this before we reach that six month mark. Honestly, I've been spending a lot of time gathering information in the last few weeks, but until Christmas (or thereabouts) we want to focus most of our energy on getting pregnant. The good news is that the idea of adoption doesn't scare either of us--it's something we talked about LONG before we knew we'd have problems having biological kids. The bad news is that adoption is a long, difficult process, and being Active Duty military doesn't help.

The second piece of news is that I'm applying for a teacher certification program at the local universtiy! Provided I get all the paperwork I need soon, I should turn in my application by the end of the month, and hopefully know if I've been accepted by mid-July. I've been looking at this program for nearly a year now, and have been on the fence for a long time about whether or not to apply. Applying felt like acknowledging that I would be able to finish the entire 12 month program without any baby-related interruptions. Lately, though, I've decided that if I don't do it now there's a good chance I'll never do it, and I know that I'd come to really regret that.

In any case, I'm very excited about both the adoption research and the teaching program. We're also closing on the house tomorrow morning, so I'm sure that I'll be posting lots of attention whore-ish pictures in the very near future. I can't believe that in less than 24 hours I'm going to be HOME!