Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Wow. Mommy guilt really sucks.

We're not having a good week. Luke started a bottle strike over the weekend (he'll reluctantly take one from me, but not from anyone else) and I found out yesterday that our daycare center won't be able to take him in December after all. Add this to the stress I was already feeling about going back to work, and I'm kind of a wreck at the moment. The guilt I'm feeling about this--about knowing that he won't eat if I'm not around and that we're now having to make some tough decisions about who will care for him in just a month--is tremendous. I've never felt like this before, and there's a rising sense of panic thrown in with the bone-crushing guilt because at least the bottle issue has to be resolved quickly. Quickly, as in tonight or tomorrow because I'm going to parent/teacher conferences Thursday night and Luke will be staying with a sitter and Juan. I don't know how I'm going to sit there and make small talk with parents and kids I've never met before if I know that my baby is probably hungry and crying at home because he doesn't realize that people who aren't Mama can give him the food he needs.

Aaaaand now I'm crying.

Motherhood is hard in ways I never imagined, and these issues are just two examples of the problems I couldn't have dreamed of only 11 short weeks ago. I honestly don't know what to do.


Bea said...

I have faith you'll work it out.


M said...

Ohhhh...can I watch him until your daycare can take him? I *heart* Luke AND his mommy and daddy! [sigh]

We went through something similar with Gilly. She never took a full bottle until she was 8 months! But she lived! And so did her caretakers! It was hardest on her mommy, so try to remember that.

I'm sorry its hard!

kuri & ping said...

It is definitely harder than I expected too! You'll get things down and it will be perfect in exactly the way you want it to be.