Friday, November 17, 2006

Speaking Up

Hypothetical question: Say you're infertile. Say that you share this information with a (formerly) close friend, share your blog address, and in doing so share all your deep, innermost secret thoughts about how it's killing you not to be able to get pregnant. Say this friend essentially cuts off all contact with you for six months, then shows up again out of the blue. Say that after exchanging a few e-mails she tells you that she's pregnant and then disappears again. What do you do?

If you're me, you let it eat at you for months before deciding to write a blog post about it.

Here's the thing--I don't want to be treated like a pariah. I don't want people to feel like they have to cut off all contact with me if they get pregnant before I do. That's not friendship. If you don't know what to say, ask me. If you feel uncomfortable, tell me. If you're just not sure how to act around me, start a conversation. Don't just abandon me. Don't just pretend we were never close.

I don't even know if the person I'm writing about even still reads this blog. Part of me hopes that she doesn't because of how much sensitive information I post here. I don't want someone who doesn't value our friendship to know some of these things. Then again, part of me hopes that she does occasionally check in because I need her to know how I feel. I need her to know that her actions had repercussions, and that she's hurt me. Deeply.

2 comments:

lunarmagic said...

That's so sad. :( I'm sorry that happened to you.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and I kind of feel like I shouldn't be the "big person" who has to stand up and make it all right again... I mean, I'm not the one whose life is going according to plan, am I? Then again, one of us has to be.

I don't have an answer. I'm sorry this has happened. The only piece of assvice I have is, if the friendship's worth something, then it's worth being direct and to-the-point about. If she's reading, then your post will have said it perfectly. But if she's not? An email? Just to be sure she got your message?

Bea