One of the best books I've ever read was Toni Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I remember wondering "Why didn't I learn this before now?" as I read about how my body works. It's a sentiment I've heard echoed hundreds of times on internet message boards and among friends, especially since we all had some type of sex ed in high school.
Well, you can imagine how happy I was to hear that there's now a teen version out to help young women understand their cycles. The focus of this book is obviously different from TCOYF in that there's no section on how to get pregnant, and information on how to chart to avoid pregnancy is also omitted (since Weschler decided that teens weren't likely to follow all of the rules safely) but the important parts about how to figure out what your body is doing when, and why it's doing it have been preserved.
I've frequently thought that if we ever have a daughter I want to teach her this information. Sex ed in the schools is unlikely to ever give the exact information I'd like my kids to have, and books like this can help clear up a lot of the misconceptions girls have about their bodies. Better yet, it can help them make smart choices when/if they decide to have sex. Thumbs up from me, all around.
Naturally, some are saying that the book provides girls with too much information. I think it gives them the facts they should have been getting all along. One mother (from Idaho, no less!) told the Washington Post that she's a fan of the book. "By giving them knowledge, you are treating them in a more adult way, and I think that helps them make more adult decisions," she said. I couldn't agree more. Denying that teens are having sex doesn't work. Statistics and my own personal experience (I have a number of students who are pregnant or parents already) prove it. What's wrong with giving up the scare tactics that have proven so ineffective in the past, and giving girls accurate, fact-based information about their cycles?
Monday, March 19, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Drumroll please...
In short, Button is a....BOY!!!!! He is unquestionably a boy, and we've got more than one ultrasound picture to prove it.
For those who want the long version, the ultrasound went very well. Button has a lovely spine, a beautiful heart, and two of the cutest little hands you've ever seen. He was a bit hyperactive, so it took the tech quite awhile to get all the necessary measurements, but when all is said and done everything looks good. I'm measuring right on target (19 weeks 5 days for those keeping score at home) and aside from a little bit more weight gain than we'd all like to see, all is well. We're still without a name (though Juan did buy a baby name book at Barnes and Noble tonight and promises to actually take a look at it one of these days since he's shot down almost all of my boy name suggestions) but I don't expect that will last for long.
I confess that I'm in a little bit of shock after today. Not only was I almost completely convinced that we were having a girl (because really, how often are the Snarkies wrong?) but knowing that we're having a boy makes it all a little bit more real. I know I'm repeating myself here, but I can't believe how fast all of this is going, and I especially can't believe that in just 20 more weeks we're going to become a family of three.
For those who want the long version, the ultrasound went very well. Button has a lovely spine, a beautiful heart, and two of the cutest little hands you've ever seen. He was a bit hyperactive, so it took the tech quite awhile to get all the necessary measurements, but when all is said and done everything looks good. I'm measuring right on target (19 weeks 5 days for those keeping score at home) and aside from a little bit more weight gain than we'd all like to see, all is well. We're still without a name (though Juan did buy a baby name book at Barnes and Noble tonight and promises to actually take a look at it one of these days since he's shot down almost all of my boy name suggestions) but I don't expect that will last for long.
I confess that I'm in a little bit of shock after today. Not only was I almost completely convinced that we were having a girl (because really, how often are the Snarkies wrong?) but knowing that we're having a boy makes it all a little bit more real. I know I'm repeating myself here, but I can't believe how fast all of this is going, and I especially can't believe that in just 20 more weeks we're going to become a family of three.
Friday, March 09, 2007
SPRING BREAK, WOOOOOOOO!!!
Today was the last day of school before the start of Spring Break, and I could have kissed the loudspeaker when the final bell rang at the stroke of 3:50. Disgusting, yes, but very, very tempting under the circumstances. It's been a long 9 weeks since the kids came back from Christmas break, and between their spring fever and my recent insomnia-induced bad moods, we're all in desperate need of a VACATION from one another.
Of course, there's still the eensy weensy matter of the 15 page term paper I have to write for one of my grad classes before the week is up, but overall this Spring Break is going to be one of relaxation and indulgence. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with some girlfriends, Juan has another day off (!!!), then we have our big ultrasound with Button on Tuesday, and THEN, I take off to visit the always-fabulous Kathleen on Thursday. If last year is any indication, we will probably spend our time together behaving badly in public, spending too much money on purses, and generally enjoying the hell out of ourselves. I can't wait!
In other news, HOLLY SHIT WE'RE FINDING OUT IF BUTTON IS A BOY OR A GIRL ON TUESDAY!!!
Of course, there's still the eensy weensy matter of the 15 page term paper I have to write for one of my grad classes before the week is up, but overall this Spring Break is going to be one of relaxation and indulgence. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with some girlfriends, Juan has another day off (!!!), then we have our big ultrasound with Button on Tuesday, and THEN, I take off to visit the always-fabulous Kathleen on Thursday. If last year is any indication, we will probably spend our time together behaving badly in public, spending too much money on purses, and generally enjoying the hell out of ourselves. I can't wait!
In other news, HOLLY SHIT WE'RE FINDING OUT IF BUTTON IS A BOY OR A GIRL ON TUESDAY!!!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Perfect weekend
This was Juan's and my first weekend off together since Christmas. Rather, it was our first day off together since Christmas, since he was post-call on Saturday and slept all day. Still, one day together is better than none, and it was wonderful to get to actually have conversations somewhere other than the bed or the dinner table. We went out to lunch, looked at baby furniture, and weeded the yard. It was a perfectly ordinary weekend day, but when you take into account the fact that we haven't had one for almost three months, the ordinary can seem extraordinary.
In other news, our big ultrasound is in just 9 days. Nine days!
In other news, our big ultrasound is in just 9 days. Nine days!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Kicking around my head
I think I'm recovering.
In the past two weeks, I've been able to have conversations about potential (and actual) accidental pregnancies with several friends who needed support. For the first time in almost two years, I didn't feel like crying when thinking about someone else getting pregnant without even trying. I was able to be there for my friends, to talk them through their feelings, and to keep in mind that the conversation was about them, not about me.
This is huge. I know I couldn't have done it before getting pregnant myself, and I honestly don't think that I could have even done it during my first trimester. Every day that goes by I feel more like a normal, healthy pregnant woman, and not like someone who is broken inside. I don't feel like a leper anymore. I don't feel out of place in the "normal" crowd. It's something that continues to both puzzle and delight me, but it also has less positive implications for other parts of my life.
Mel has a great post at Stirrup Queens right now about belonging in the infertility community. Her (admirable) opinion is that once a member, always a member. Pregnancy doesn't mean that your membership is revoked, and no matter how you get pregnant, your feelings while going through infertility were real and valid and should always be respected as such. I read her post last night and almost cried because I don't feel like I belong anymore. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm pregnant or the fact that I was ultimately able to get pregnant without ART, but I no longer feel like I'm a "real" member of the community.
On a purely clinical level, my issue has to do with the fact that I was unquestionably infertile before the lap but have no idea whether the surgery fixed everything permanantly or not. Am I considered subfertile? Fertile for awhile? Fertile for good? No one knows, and honestly we probably won't know until Juan and I start trying for #2. That won't be happening for quite awhile, and until then I'm just not sure where I fall. Without a definitive diagnosis (and goodness knows I'm not going to spend much time thinking about the fact that I'm back in the pre-diagnosis phase) I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm caught between the infertile and fertile worlds and not completely sure I belong in either. "Recovering" seems to be the best term for how I think of myself at the moment, but as grateful as I am for everything that's happened to me since Thanksgiving, I'm also grieving for what I've lost. I miss feeling like I belong to a group, and as much as I my head agrees with Mel that once someone has gone through the pain of infertility they should belong to that group forever, my heart isn't so sure.
Being infertile was a huge part of my identity for a long time, and I guess my ultimate question is who am I now? What emotional identity comes between infertilty and motherhood?
In the past two weeks, I've been able to have conversations about potential (and actual) accidental pregnancies with several friends who needed support. For the first time in almost two years, I didn't feel like crying when thinking about someone else getting pregnant without even trying. I was able to be there for my friends, to talk them through their feelings, and to keep in mind that the conversation was about them, not about me.
This is huge. I know I couldn't have done it before getting pregnant myself, and I honestly don't think that I could have even done it during my first trimester. Every day that goes by I feel more like a normal, healthy pregnant woman, and not like someone who is broken inside. I don't feel like a leper anymore. I don't feel out of place in the "normal" crowd. It's something that continues to both puzzle and delight me, but it also has less positive implications for other parts of my life.
Mel has a great post at Stirrup Queens right now about belonging in the infertility community. Her (admirable) opinion is that once a member, always a member. Pregnancy doesn't mean that your membership is revoked, and no matter how you get pregnant, your feelings while going through infertility were real and valid and should always be respected as such. I read her post last night and almost cried because I don't feel like I belong anymore. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm pregnant or the fact that I was ultimately able to get pregnant without ART, but I no longer feel like I'm a "real" member of the community.
On a purely clinical level, my issue has to do with the fact that I was unquestionably infertile before the lap but have no idea whether the surgery fixed everything permanantly or not. Am I considered subfertile? Fertile for awhile? Fertile for good? No one knows, and honestly we probably won't know until Juan and I start trying for #2. That won't be happening for quite awhile, and until then I'm just not sure where I fall. Without a definitive diagnosis (and goodness knows I'm not going to spend much time thinking about the fact that I'm back in the pre-diagnosis phase) I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm caught between the infertile and fertile worlds and not completely sure I belong in either. "Recovering" seems to be the best term for how I think of myself at the moment, but as grateful as I am for everything that's happened to me since Thanksgiving, I'm also grieving for what I've lost. I miss feeling like I belong to a group, and as much as I my head agrees with Mel that once someone has gone through the pain of infertility they should belong to that group forever, my heart isn't so sure.
Being infertile was a huge part of my identity for a long time, and I guess my ultimate question is who am I now? What emotional identity comes between infertilty and motherhood?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Fine, fine
Okay, so I've been really good about not asking everyone to tell me how pregnant I look in spite of my complete lack of a baby belly. Still, as I think the below photo will show, I think I'm actually showing now! So, enjoy. I may be headless, but that's definitely a bump.
17 weeks 0 days
17 weeks 0 days
Friday, February 16, 2007
How to freak out my dog
Step 1: Husband gets brilliant idea to use new camcorder to take video of my belly in a vain effort to persuade the world that I am, in fact, pregnant.
Step 2: Have equally brilliant idea to include dog in video since, well, he's cute.
Step 3: Take video that consists entirely of self asking dog where the baby is over and over again until he tries to see if I have a treat in my hand. At this point, make a bizarre snorting/laughing sound that will doubtless be mocked by family and friends who receive said video.
Step 4: Hook camcorder up to computer to view video and completely mess with the dog's head when my voice comes out of somewhere that is clearly not my mouth.
Step 5: Dog totally freaks out about the entire situation and proceeds to race around the room until he is forcibly held down by self and husband to get a calming belly rub.
Step 6: Realize that this scene will be repeated many, MANY times in the future when we actually make home movies and show them on the TV. Groan.
Step 2: Have equally brilliant idea to include dog in video since, well, he's cute.
Step 3: Take video that consists entirely of self asking dog where the baby is over and over again until he tries to see if I have a treat in my hand. At this point, make a bizarre snorting/laughing sound that will doubtless be mocked by family and friends who receive said video.
Step 4: Hook camcorder up to computer to view video and completely mess with the dog's head when my voice comes out of somewhere that is clearly not my mouth.
Step 5: Dog totally freaks out about the entire situation and proceeds to race around the room until he is forcibly held down by self and husband to get a calming belly rub.
Step 6: Realize that this scene will be repeated many, MANY times in the future when we actually make home movies and show them on the TV. Groan.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Senseless
I turned on the news this morning to see this story dominating the headlines. It's frightening when an attack so violent and so senseless hits close to home. In this case I mean that literally since I lived right across the street from Trolley Square when I was in college. So many memories happened there-- Juan and I had our rehearsal dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory mentioned in the story above, I went there with my friends and our dates before the senior prom, and it was a hangout for me and my roommates when we could just cross the street to get some authentic saltwater taffy or just to do a little window shopping.
It's hard to believe something like this could happen in a place everyone always thought was so safe, and in a community that prides itself on having such little gun violence. My heart goes out to the victims and their families.
It's hard to believe something like this could happen in a place everyone always thought was so safe, and in a community that prides itself on having such little gun violence. My heart goes out to the victims and their families.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Can someone direct me to that river in Egypt?
If you'd asked me last week if I was having pregnancy-induced mood swings I would have said no. I felt fine, hadn't been this happy in over a year, and everything was hunky dory. I even felt snugly superior about my lack of mood swings. Boy, am I eating some humble pie now!
In short, this was the weekend-o-bitchiness. I bitched at Juan about his hours, bitched at my friends about issues at school, bitched at anyone who would listen about the research paper abstract I'm working on, bitched at Juan again about how crappy this Valentine's Day is going to be because I'm in class until after 9:00 that night, and wrapped it all up today by yelling at two students (which they deserved--it wasn't just my moodiness, I had several other non-pregnant teachers agree with how I handled the situation) and then crying on the phone with the ultrasound department at the hospital because they were giving me grief about when I want to schedule my appointment. I really need to cut this whole crying on the phone thing out. I hate it when I do that.
So, in short, the moodiness has officially set in. This is my way of issuing a pre-emptive apology to anyone I get irritable with over the nxt 6 months or so. I don't mean it, I swear. These hormones seriously have a mind of their own.
In short, this was the weekend-o-bitchiness. I bitched at Juan about his hours, bitched at my friends about issues at school, bitched at anyone who would listen about the research paper abstract I'm working on, bitched at Juan again about how crappy this Valentine's Day is going to be because I'm in class until after 9:00 that night, and wrapped it all up today by yelling at two students (which they deserved--it wasn't just my moodiness, I had several other non-pregnant teachers agree with how I handled the situation) and then crying on the phone with the ultrasound department at the hospital because they were giving me grief about when I want to schedule my appointment. I really need to cut this whole crying on the phone thing out. I hate it when I do that.
So, in short, the moodiness has officially set in. This is my way of issuing a pre-emptive apology to anyone I get irritable with over the nxt 6 months or so. I don't mean it, I swear. These hormones seriously have a mind of their own.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
boom boom boom boom boom
We had a good doctor's appointment today.
First, we got to hear Button's heartbeat. The doctor had no trouble at all finding it and everything sounds great. Once Juan and I had listened to our hearts' content, we reviewed my blood tests from my last appointment (normal) and I got a little lecture about my weight. Apparently I'm 2 lbs. over where I should be. Nothing to worry about at this point, but I should probably lay off the Rice Krispy treats for awhile.
Then we started talking about my next appointment. The "big" appointment, complete with anatomy ultrasound and (drumroll please) finding out if Button is a boy or a girl. I can schedule it anytime in the next 3-5 weeks, which has me a little freaked out. Three to five weeks? That's no time at all! Heck, spring break isn't even for another month, and here was Dr. M telling me that we could find out our baby's sex before I leave on vacation.
This pregnancy feels like it's just flying by. I'm already in the second trimester, we're starting to look at furniture, and it's slowly sinking in that we're actually going to be parents come August. You'd think that after trying to get pregnant for almost two years, I wouldn't be so...amazed at that fact, but I am. It just seems incredible that our lives are going to change so much so soon.
First, we got to hear Button's heartbeat. The doctor had no trouble at all finding it and everything sounds great. Once Juan and I had listened to our hearts' content, we reviewed my blood tests from my last appointment (normal) and I got a little lecture about my weight. Apparently I'm 2 lbs. over where I should be. Nothing to worry about at this point, but I should probably lay off the Rice Krispy treats for awhile.
Then we started talking about my next appointment. The "big" appointment, complete with anatomy ultrasound and (drumroll please) finding out if Button is a boy or a girl. I can schedule it anytime in the next 3-5 weeks, which has me a little freaked out. Three to five weeks? That's no time at all! Heck, spring break isn't even for another month, and here was Dr. M telling me that we could find out our baby's sex before I leave on vacation.
This pregnancy feels like it's just flying by. I'm already in the second trimester, we're starting to look at furniture, and it's slowly sinking in that we're actually going to be parents come August. You'd think that after trying to get pregnant for almost two years, I wouldn't be so...amazed at that fact, but I am. It just seems incredible that our lives are going to change so much so soon.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Super What?
I'm not a football fan. To put it more bluntly, I can't think of many things that are more boring than sitting around watching football, even if I'm with friends and there's alcohol involved. Juan is the same way--I'd be surprised if he even knows which teams are playing today. I only know because my students couldn't talk about anything else last week.
Therefore, it shouldn't suprise anyone that I sort of forgot that the Super Bowl is today. I swear, on some level I knew that it was on this weekend, but the fact that the entire city was planning to be at the grocery store this afternoon to pick up party supplies completely escaped me. Until I got there, that is.
Oh. My. God. I've been to the grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and an hour before Game 7 of the NBA finals back when the Jazz made the playoffs and I still lived in Utah. As such, I thought I knew what the word "crowd" meant. I had no idea. I have never, in my LIFE, seen so many people trying to buy soda and potato chips. It was insane.
So, just in case anyone was wondering, I'm not watching the game today. I am, however, trying to recover from my supermarket-induced emotional scars. I may need therapy.
Therefore, it shouldn't suprise anyone that I sort of forgot that the Super Bowl is today. I swear, on some level I knew that it was on this weekend, but the fact that the entire city was planning to be at the grocery store this afternoon to pick up party supplies completely escaped me. Until I got there, that is.
Oh. My. God. I've been to the grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and an hour before Game 7 of the NBA finals back when the Jazz made the playoffs and I still lived in Utah. As such, I thought I knew what the word "crowd" meant. I had no idea. I have never, in my LIFE, seen so many people trying to buy soda and potato chips. It was insane.
So, just in case anyone was wondering, I'm not watching the game today. I am, however, trying to recover from my supermarket-induced emotional scars. I may need therapy.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Happy (belated) Blog-iversary
So, the actual 1 year anniversary of this blog was a week ago, but seeing as how I've been drowning in work (and living in a lot of denial about how much I still have left to do every night for the next couple of months) I didn't notice. Oops! So, happy blogiversary to me!
I thought I'd take a look back everything that's happened to me over the last year. Note, this was originally supposed to come with links, but I'm too damn tired and overwhelmed with work to add them. Sorry, but you can navigate by months on my sidebar if you'd like to read posts I mention here
January:
-Began this blog
-Started the spiral into a depression over not being pregnant
-Put our condo on the market
February
-Took a fantastic trip to Boston and Maine
-Had the best Valentine's Day on record
-Got in a car accident
-Finally called my doctor to start the fertility testing process
-Took the infamous photo of a knife I almost stabbed Juan in the foot with
March
-Hit a peak in my depression over not being able to get pregnant
-Had the crappiest 25th birthday on record
-Visited my family in Utah and posted about all the things I dislike about my home state
-Was picked up as an evil liberal blogger on a conservative Utah blog for the aforementioned post
-Still didn't sell our condo
April
-Had my first RE appointment with the most evil Nurse Practitioner known to man
-Took a trip to California with a mysterious "Item X"
-Had my HSG and was officially diagnosed as infertile
-Took a trip to our new town and placed an offer on a house
May
-Lost our contract on the house because our condo still hadn't sold
-Wrote my all-time favorite post on being an infertile 20-something
-Quit my job
-Got an offer on our condo
-Lost our buyer after just a week
-Found out that our dream house in Texas was back on the market and placed a new offer
-Got another offeron the condo from a new buyer
-My dad was hit by a car while riding his bike in North Carolina
-J graduated from medical school
-Left DC for Texas
June
-Took a trip to Vegas
-Entered a new chapter in infertility-related depression
-Closed on our Texas house and moved in
-Did not find a job
July
-Started seeing a new doctor about infertility
-Adopted Jasper
-Got admitted to grad school to become a teacher
August
-Survived our massive flooding
-Still didn't have a job
-Joined Operation Common Thread
-Celebrated my parents' 25th wedding anniversary
-Started school
September
-Had a laparoscopy and FINALLY got a diagnosis for our infertility--scar tissue
-Wrote an angry letter to NBC over a stupid, prejudicial story they did on young, infertile women
-Encountered the centipedes from hell
-Interviewed for a job as a high school English teacher
-Took a road trip to Utah
October
-Didn't hear from the school after my interview, assumed I didn't get the job
-Got another negative pregnancy test
-GOT THE TEACHING POSITION!
-Decided to hold off on calling the RE to start IUIs
-Started my 20th cycle of TTC
November
-Was busy at work
-GOT PREGNANT!!!
-Our cat Codi went into heart failure and spent a week in critical condition
December
-Codi came home!
-Finished my first semester of teaching
-Annouced my pregnancy to my family and the internet at large
I thought I'd take a look back everything that's happened to me over the last year. Note, this was originally supposed to come with links, but I'm too damn tired and overwhelmed with work to add them. Sorry, but you can navigate by months on my sidebar if you'd like to read posts I mention here
January:
-Began this blog
-Started the spiral into a depression over not being pregnant
-Put our condo on the market
February
-Took a fantastic trip to Boston and Maine
-Had the best Valentine's Day on record
-Got in a car accident
-Finally called my doctor to start the fertility testing process
-Took the infamous photo of a knife I almost stabbed Juan in the foot with
March
-Hit a peak in my depression over not being able to get pregnant
-Had the crappiest 25th birthday on record
-Visited my family in Utah and posted about all the things I dislike about my home state
-Was picked up as an evil liberal blogger on a conservative Utah blog for the aforementioned post
-Still didn't sell our condo
April
-Had my first RE appointment with the most evil Nurse Practitioner known to man
-Took a trip to California with a mysterious "Item X"
-Had my HSG and was officially diagnosed as infertile
-Took a trip to our new town and placed an offer on a house
May
-Lost our contract on the house because our condo still hadn't sold
-Wrote my all-time favorite post on being an infertile 20-something
-Quit my job
-Got an offer on our condo
-Lost our buyer after just a week
-Found out that our dream house in Texas was back on the market and placed a new offer
-Got another offeron the condo from a new buyer
-My dad was hit by a car while riding his bike in North Carolina
-J graduated from medical school
-Left DC for Texas
June
-Took a trip to Vegas
-Entered a new chapter in infertility-related depression
-Closed on our Texas house and moved in
-Did not find a job
July
-Started seeing a new doctor about infertility
-Adopted Jasper
-Got admitted to grad school to become a teacher
August
-Survived our massive flooding
-Still didn't have a job
-Joined Operation Common Thread
-Celebrated my parents' 25th wedding anniversary
-Started school
September
-Had a laparoscopy and FINALLY got a diagnosis for our infertility--scar tissue
-Wrote an angry letter to NBC over a stupid, prejudicial story they did on young, infertile women
-Encountered the centipedes from hell
-Interviewed for a job as a high school English teacher
-Took a road trip to Utah
October
-Didn't hear from the school after my interview, assumed I didn't get the job
-Got another negative pregnancy test
-GOT THE TEACHING POSITION!
-Decided to hold off on calling the RE to start IUIs
-Started my 20th cycle of TTC
November
-Was busy at work
-GOT PREGNANT!!!
-Our cat Codi went into heart failure and spent a week in critical condition
December
-Codi came home!
-Finished my first semester of teaching
-Annouced my pregnancy to my family and the internet at large
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Why do I do this to myself? (or, I suck at staying on task)
I have so much work to do tonight, it's not even funny. Lesson planning for two classes that I somehow neglected to do last weekend (oops), finishing up some homework for my own online class, reviewing all 5 hours of the BBC Pride and Prejudice to find the good parts that can be shown in 90 minutes, and grading. Oh, and did I mention that it's officially a month past Christmas and our tree is still up?
To top it off, I had a total meltdown at work today. I think the pregnancy hormones are finally kicking in, because I was in TEARS over the fact that an assignment I spent a long time writing for my online class got eaten by the stupid class software, so I had to rewrite it. I cried to the IT guru over the phone (who, to his credit, did not hang up on me when I started making unreasonable demands), to J, who I paged at work just so I could bitch and whine, and finally to my empty classroom. I think I honestly expected that one of the three would be able to pull out a magic wand and re-create my lost work, but sadly reality set in and I realized that I had to do it myself. So, after pouting and whining to the Snarkies, I did the assignment over again. It didn't take too long, which told me that I seriously overreacted in the first place, but it was really the straw that broke this camel's proverbial back.
With all of this on my plate, and the drama of this afternoon behind me, you'd think that I would have come home and started working immediately, wouldn't you? Oh no. Not me. Instead I have:
-ordered a pizza
-managed to cut myself (with my own fingernail) while peeling an orange
-devoured a large portion of the above pizza
-watched part of Dr. Phil
-watched all of last night's super-long Top Chef (why I even bother at this point is beyond me since I hate all of the contestants)
-let the dog out seven or eight times
-read blogs
-written this entry
All very productive and work-related activities, right? Yeah. So, it's now almost 7:00, I need to go to bed around 8:00 if I'm going to wake up for school early enough tomorrow to make the trillion or so handouts I need for my first class, and I've got maybe four or five hours of work staring me in the face. Guess it's time to go make some cupcakes!
To top it off, I had a total meltdown at work today. I think the pregnancy hormones are finally kicking in, because I was in TEARS over the fact that an assignment I spent a long time writing for my online class got eaten by the stupid class software, so I had to rewrite it. I cried to the IT guru over the phone (who, to his credit, did not hang up on me when I started making unreasonable demands), to J, who I paged at work just so I could bitch and whine, and finally to my empty classroom. I think I honestly expected that one of the three would be able to pull out a magic wand and re-create my lost work, but sadly reality set in and I realized that I had to do it myself. So, after pouting and whining to the Snarkies, I did the assignment over again. It didn't take too long, which told me that I seriously overreacted in the first place, but it was really the straw that broke this camel's proverbial back.
With all of this on my plate, and the drama of this afternoon behind me, you'd think that I would have come home and started working immediately, wouldn't you? Oh no. Not me. Instead I have:
-ordered a pizza
-managed to cut myself (with my own fingernail) while peeling an orange
-devoured a large portion of the above pizza
-watched part of Dr. Phil
-watched all of last night's super-long Top Chef (why I even bother at this point is beyond me since I hate all of the contestants)
-let the dog out seven or eight times
-read blogs
-written this entry
All very productive and work-related activities, right? Yeah. So, it's now almost 7:00, I need to go to bed around 8:00 if I'm going to wake up for school early enough tomorrow to make the trillion or so handouts I need for my first class, and I've got maybe four or five hours of work staring me in the face. Guess it's time to go make some cupcakes!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Possibly the only downside to being pregnant
I just realized that I won't be able to play my annual State of the Union drinking game. Oh well, I think I'll survive.
Hope everyone is planning to watch or read a transcript tonight! As much as I dislike the current Administration, I can't imagine not watching the SOU. Not just because I love my drinking game, but because I want to know what issues the President wants to focus on during the next 12 months. I rarely agree with his ideas, but I at least need to know what they are.
Hope everyone is planning to watch or read a transcript tonight! As much as I dislike the current Administration, I can't imagine not watching the SOU. Not just because I love my drinking game, but because I want to know what issues the President wants to focus on during the next 12 months. I rarely agree with his ideas, but I at least need to know what they are.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Houston, we have a heartbeat!
This is possibly one of the best days of my life! We arrived at the appointment and were ushered into the doctor's office almost immediately. Dr. M congratulated us, we spent a few minutes catching up since I hadn't seen him since my surgery in September, and then he sent us into the ultrasound room to get a look at the Button! In short, things look perfect! She was doing backflips, mooning the doctor, and giving us a very nice look at her arms, legs, head, heart, spine, etc... We saw everything.
(for those who may be wondering why I'm referring to Button as "she", no, we didn't find out the sex yet, but I'm getting a very strong girl vibe right now)
I confess that I cried a bit when Dr. M turned the screen around and let me look at my baby for the first time. I can't even describe what the moment felt like. Humbling. Shocking. Inspiring. There's no one word that can sum it all up, but suffice it to say that I'm very, very happy.
The family has officially been cleared to share the news, and I'm told that my mom has already told two of her friends about the Button. I think she's probably going to have an "Official Member of the Grandma Club" t-shirt printed shortly. For his part, my dad is researching webcams and giving me nutritional instructions over the phone. I probably don't need to say that they're excited.
Welcome to the family, Button! You've got a lot of people who are already anxious to meet you!
(for those who may be wondering why I'm referring to Button as "she", no, we didn't find out the sex yet, but I'm getting a very strong girl vibe right now)
I confess that I cried a bit when Dr. M turned the screen around and let me look at my baby for the first time. I can't even describe what the moment felt like. Humbling. Shocking. Inspiring. There's no one word that can sum it all up, but suffice it to say that I'm very, very happy.
The family has officially been cleared to share the news, and I'm told that my mom has already told two of her friends about the Button. I think she's probably going to have an "Official Member of the Grandma Club" t-shirt printed shortly. For his part, my dad is researching webcams and giving me nutritional instructions over the phone. I probably don't need to say that they're excited.
Welcome to the family, Button! You've got a lot of people who are already anxious to meet you!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Dealing with assholes never gets easier
J and I spent the weekend up at a ski lodge in New Mexico for a department retreat. Mostly, it was a blast. All of our friends were there, we went to a couple of workshops, and then spent a LOT of time relaxing. With the exception of the Mexican food they served for dinner last night, I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Well, maybe except for one other thing.
See, at breakfast this morning we ended up sitting next to one of THOSE people. You know, the type who feels it's perfectly appropriate to ask you probing, personal questions 5 minutes after you've been introduced. First we chatted (well, he did most of the talking, I just smiled and nodded) about skiing, then he asked about our families, and then he asked the one question every woman who has experienced infertility dreads more than anything else: "So, when are YOU planning to have children?"
I confess, I told him that we were currently 10 weeks pregnant in hopes that it would shut him up on the subject. Did it? Oh no. Instead, he started talking about how he and his wife had two "oops" babies, and assumed that ours was the same. I was halfway tempted to tell him that it had taken the collective wisdom and skill of a half dozen doctors, surgery, and nearly two years to get to this point, but in the end I decided against sharing our story with him because I really didn't want to talk about infertility with an oblivious asshole over my hash browns. At that point, he turned his attention to a friend of mine and asked her if she and her husband were going to give their 2 year old daughter a brother or sister anytime soon. That was when I decided that cutting and running was probably the best possible strategy, so I made up some excuse about needing to get something from my room and dragged my friend out of the room.
For the record (just in case any of you were wondering) it is NEVER okay to ask someone about their family building plans. NEVER. You can ask if they have children (though after going through infertility I've started saying "Tell me about your family" instead, since being reminded of the fact that I was childless every time I met someone new wasn't a pleasant experience) but not if or when they plan to have any. My reproductive organs have nothing to do with you. Period. End of story.
In any case, we're home now, my first appointment is in three days, and now that I've gotten all this out I feel much better.
See, at breakfast this morning we ended up sitting next to one of THOSE people. You know, the type who feels it's perfectly appropriate to ask you probing, personal questions 5 minutes after you've been introduced. First we chatted (well, he did most of the talking, I just smiled and nodded) about skiing, then he asked about our families, and then he asked the one question every woman who has experienced infertility dreads more than anything else: "So, when are YOU planning to have children?"
I confess, I told him that we were currently 10 weeks pregnant in hopes that it would shut him up on the subject. Did it? Oh no. Instead, he started talking about how he and his wife had two "oops" babies, and assumed that ours was the same. I was halfway tempted to tell him that it had taken the collective wisdom and skill of a half dozen doctors, surgery, and nearly two years to get to this point, but in the end I decided against sharing our story with him because I really didn't want to talk about infertility with an oblivious asshole over my hash browns. At that point, he turned his attention to a friend of mine and asked her if she and her husband were going to give their 2 year old daughter a brother or sister anytime soon. That was when I decided that cutting and running was probably the best possible strategy, so I made up some excuse about needing to get something from my room and dragged my friend out of the room.
For the record (just in case any of you were wondering) it is NEVER okay to ask someone about their family building plans. NEVER. You can ask if they have children (though after going through infertility I've started saying "Tell me about your family" instead, since being reminded of the fact that I was childless every time I met someone new wasn't a pleasant experience) but not if or when they plan to have any. My reproductive organs have nothing to do with you. Period. End of story.
In any case, we're home now, my first appointment is in three days, and now that I've gotten all this out I feel much better.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Happy Fetus Day!
Well, I'm officially 10 weeks today which means that the Button can now officially be called a fetus. Happy Fetus Day, little one!
This pregnancy feels more real every day, and now that my first appointment is only a few days away I find myself thinking more and more about what ifs. What if I get to the appointment and things aren't okay? What if there's no heartbeat? I'm really not sure how I would cope with that. Mostly I just wish that I knew for sure one way or another. I'm not kicking myself for not accepting the appointment I was offered earlier this week, but I suppose I can wait another 5 days.
No more naval-gazing allowed tonight! I've now officially scared myself far more than I ever wanted to, and need to focus on something else. Have a good weekend, everyone!
This pregnancy feels more real every day, and now that my first appointment is only a few days away I find myself thinking more and more about what ifs. What if I get to the appointment and things aren't okay? What if there's no heartbeat? I'm really not sure how I would cope with that. Mostly I just wish that I knew for sure one way or another. I'm not kicking myself for not accepting the appointment I was offered earlier this week, but I suppose I can wait another 5 days.
No more naval-gazing allowed tonight! I've now officially scared myself far more than I ever wanted to, and need to focus on something else. Have a good weekend, everyone!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Butt is officially kicked
Oh. My. God. I have never been so exhausted in my life! Just staying awake and somewhat energetic and animated today was almost more than I could handle. All of the kids were bouncing off the walls because it was the first day back from a three week break, my classroom smelled like tacos (have I mentioned that I have a major aversion to Mexican food?), and all I wanted to do was to put my head down on my desk and take a nap. We'll see how tomorrow goes, but I'm not expecting it to be much better.
I hate to say it, but as much as I disliked my old job, it would have been soooooooo much more conducive to pregnancy. I had a private office with a door I could close at any time to take a short nap, my work was almost completely desk-based, and (best of all) I didn't have to wait until lunch for a bathroom break. Well, I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too.
I hate to say it, but as much as I disliked my old job, it would have been soooooooo much more conducive to pregnancy. I had a private office with a door I could close at any time to take a short nap, my work was almost completely desk-based, and (best of all) I didn't have to wait until lunch for a bathroom break. Well, I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
The time has come
Well, I offically grew out of my "skinny" pair of jeans today. Since they're also my favorite pair of jeans, I bought a Bella Band (stretchy band of fabric that goes around the waist of your pants so you can leave them unbottoned) to get me through the next couple of months before I need full-on maternity wear.
I have to say, going into a maternity store was a bizarre experience. When the salesgirl asked me if I was buying for myself, I almost answered no. Even at 9 weeks, I still can't really believe that I'm pregnant. Part of me was scared to even think about buying any pregnancy wear because things could still go wrong. Still, I'm trying to stay very positive, so today's purchase was as much about comfort as it was about taking a leap of faith. I have the feeling that this is just the first of many leaps.
I have to say, going into a maternity store was a bizarre experience. When the salesgirl asked me if I was buying for myself, I almost answered no. Even at 9 weeks, I still can't really believe that I'm pregnant. Part of me was scared to even think about buying any pregnancy wear because things could still go wrong. Still, I'm trying to stay very positive, so today's purchase was as much about comfort as it was about taking a leap of faith. I have the feeling that this is just the first of many leaps.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Ready to go back
Today was my first day back at work, and it felt really good to be there. Not that vacation wasn't a lot of fun, but there comes a time when a girl has to get up off the couch and realize that there's more to life than a weeklong marathon of "America's Next Top Model" on VH1. Of course the students don't come back until Monday, but it was still a very full day.
In other news, we got snow the other day! SNOW!!! It was less than a dusting, but it still made me smile. Winter hasn't seemed very winter-y what with our 60 degree temperatures and nonstop sun. Juan even called me from the hospital to make sure I saw it. We both got way too excited about the snow for two people who supposedly dislike it so much.
In other news, we got snow the other day! SNOW!!! It was less than a dusting, but it still made me smile. Winter hasn't seemed very winter-y what with our 60 degree temperatures and nonstop sun. Juan even called me from the hospital to make sure I saw it. We both got way too excited about the snow for two people who supposedly dislike it so much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)