Thursday, April 06, 2006

Item X

Apparently I need to write cryptic posts more often! I had y'all chomping at the bit!

To recap, when we last left our heroine she was in California, preparing to go to an event, and kept getting paranoid and checking her purse to make sure the mysterious Item X was still in it.


1:47 PM: Finish mysterious entry, get ready for event
2:00 PM: Realize hair looks like ass, attempt to fix
2:10 PM: Decide that hair will just have to cope with looking like ass, start transferring hotel key, cash, and Item X from big, casual tote to small, professional handbag.
2:11 PM: Shit. Item X does not fit in small, professional handbag.
2:15 PM: Item X REALLY does not fit into small, professional handbag, and is now slightly crumpled after trying to make it fit.
2:17 PM: Why the hell don't they put pockets on the inside of womens' blazers? Aside from the obvious reason, because I could really use one right now.
2:20 PM: A-HA! There IS a pocket on the inside of the raincoat. Put Item X in raincoat pocket, leave hotel room
2:30 PM: Hotel staff moving very slowly to get shuttle van, and raincoat is really too hot to be wearing outside
2:31 PM: Get paranoid, pat self lightly on chest to make sure Item X is still in pocket
2:32 PM: Realize that it looks like I'm doing something rather inappropriate to myself when I check for Item X. Don't really care, since paranoia must be satisfied.
2:40 PM: Arrive at event location
2:41 PM: Get paranoid, pat self lightly on chest to make sure Item X is still in pocket
2:42 PM: Realize that people I have to work with are looking at me funny, take Item X out of pocket, ditch coat on chair
3:40 PM: Program finally gets started
3:45 PM: Shit. Do I have to speak?
3:50 PM: Yes, apparently I do
3:55 PM: I ROCK at public speaking! Forgot how satisfying it is to have an audience eating out of the palm of my hand.
3:56 PM: Official presentation of Item X to local elected official
3:57 PM: Local elected official shows audience what Item X is--it's a check for $15,000!
4:00 PM: Pose for many, many pictures with other important local people and the check
4:15 PM: Get interviewed by local cable station about the check
4:20 PM: Realize that the check is no longer my responsibility, paranoia ends
4:30 PM: I'm really tired
4:55 PM: Really, really tired
5:20 PM: I've been awake for...good grief, like 17 hours!
5:40 PM: Don't these people ever stop talking?
6:30 PM: Still tired, want to leave, but people keep talking to me.
7:00 PM: Thank goodness, colleague realizes that I'm about ready to pass out, drives me back to my hotel
7:20 PM: Get back to hotel room, kick off shoes
7:22 PM: Check e-mail
7:23 PM: Check Snark
7:24 PM: Check blog
7:25 PM: Holy crap! Clearly a lot of people want to know what Item X was!
7:26 PM: Order room service
8:00 PM: Finish room service, feel like a pig
8:05 PM: Crawl into bed. Have been awake total of 20 hours.
8:06 PM: Fall asleep

The check was a grant I was giving on behalf of our organization. I NEVER want to carry that much money around with me again! I spent two whole days completely paranoid about what would happen if the evelope slipped out of my purse, or if someone stole it.

The good news is that the event went well, I was a hit, and I even got a job offer if I should ever move back to DC. I'd never take it in a million years because I couldn't stand to work with the people who made the offer, but it's always nice to be wanted.

Next up: Spending the entire day in my pajamas while taking questions from MORE people who want $15,000 checks from us.


Kathleen said...

Yay for Item X being safe! I would have been paranoid, too...yikes. That is a lot of money to have to carry around!

Carole said...

At least you didn't have to carry one of those huge life-size checks all the way from DC. That would sucked.

But yeah, that's a lot of money to be responsible for. You should have asked for a suitcase to handcuff to your wrist ; )

Kathleen said...

Carole, you are hilarious, girl. I can just imagine Carolyn lugging a check that's bigger than she is through security.

"Um, Maam, what's this?"

"It's the freaking check I have to present, ok?"

Not to mention trying to fit it in the overhead bin...BWAHAHAHA.

Carole, that thought just made me LOL.