Wednesday, October 04, 2006


I'm really struggling this morning. No news from the district (and at this point I'm assuming that I didn't get the job) and a negative HPT are combining to make this into one of the crappiest weeks in recent memory.

I honestly don't know exactly what to do now. I called my temp agency again to request work this morning, and they seemed optimistic that they would be able to find me a full-time admin position shortly. It's not teaching, though, and this late in the school year I'll be lucky if another position opens up. As for the pregnancy thing... well, it sucks. I'm sad and frustrated and very, very angry that this is happening to us.

Last week at my post-op appointment my doctor was very frank with me. He said that mine was one of the worst cases of scarring he's ever seen, and at least some of it will grow back. There's no way to tell where that would happen, though, or how long the regrowth process will take. One thing was clear, though, I cannot get pregnant if my tubes are blocked from my ovaries. If I'm not pregnant in six months he'll do another HSG and a lap to see what things look like. If it's grown back, though, he won't remove it again. Scarring that pernicious is just going to keep getting worse and worse. If we get to that point, IVF is our only option.

I know I shouldn't jump to the worst case scenario yet, but how can I avoid thinking about it when I know that we have a very small window in which to get pregnant, and with every month that passes, the window is closing? How do you just put something like that out of your mind?

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