Cycle 19

Well, I'm done. It's official. For a few hours there this morning I hoped that I was pregnant (and sent a few panicked e-mails to friends about how I was worried that my monitor had miscalculated my ovulation date thereby causing me to totally screw up my cycle by starting the progesterone too early) but I'm definitely not.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't more crushed by seeing that one, lonely line on the test this morning than I have been in a long time. Even though I know the odds of a normal, fertile couple conceiving during any given month are just 15-20% (and we're not exactly a normal, fertile couple, in spite of the surgery) I had hope. Probably too much hope.

I know where I want to go from here. J doesn't agree. My doctor doesn't agree. I'm not sure what we're going to do.